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My Journey

Hello!

I just joined this community and somehow I already feel at home. I read through so many articles and posts that it feels so good.

Well, a little about me. I am 18 years old and life hasn't been what others would say 'normal' for me.

For starters, ever since I was almost 6 years old, I always had this one really strong feeling inside of me that I was meant to do something for this world and had a special purpose here. I never really 'fitted in' in any of the groups in school and was always the 'outsider'. I always enjoyed my own company rather than be with others who just spent through a monotonous routine and did nothing productive or anything good for the people around. I always had this feeling that I didn't belong here at all after encountering hundreds of people till now. I never could bring myself to be led by someone, follow a routine, do a 9-5 or just do something 'normal'. I always wanted to create and achieve the special things; those things that others could hardly think of or dream of. I always dreamt of the cosmos. Whenever I close my eyes and apply a little pressure on them with my thumbs, it feels as though I am being transported across the stars and the moons to another place. It is a long journey and all I see is the eternal space with the stars shining bright as I go through them. I just always travel in it. I never reached a particular destination; it just kept changing every single time. Sadly, in the past 2 years, due to some circumstances I just lost this feeling of being special and being able to do something for the world. Now a while back, I broke through everything and returned. I decided to cease contact with all those who didn't give out the vibe that I longed for and started working hard again.

The feeling of being special has returned. I feel different from everyone I encounter. Like I can feel their vibes and tell that they are not the same as I am. Until a few days back, I had just encountered one such person and we have been brothers ever since. I feel everything around me is here for a reason, I feel I am responsible for bringing order to everyone's life and not just be another person. I feel different in a crowd. I feel I am meant to be more than everybody else; to lead and to change. I feel as if I am meant for something really big. Every single time I see someone suffer, it just aches so much inside that I could not do something for him//her. I have always wanted to do something for the world and it has always been my goal. Day and night I just work toward being successful so that I can do something for everyone around. It just feels as if I owe them a huge deal and it is my responsibility to make a better life for them. I just have always felt it.

There is just one thing that I am really worried about. Whenever I close my eyes, I am not able to wander around like I used to before. Not always. It is rare. I just am really worried about it. Is it a sign for something or is there any way that I can get it back? I know it is a small thing but it really matters to me.

Love and regards
Madhav

Open's picture

Hi Madhav - greetings and welcome to Openhand Smile

It sounds like you've had a fascinating journey thus far Ok

Work not to be afraid or at all anxious if things change for you on the path - if your experience takes on new phenomenon or directions. Work to embrace what's going on now, and inquire deeply into that.

My intuition tells me that when you were "travelling", there might have been a tendency to go out of body. Which is not really a good thing. Because it risks opening you to some kind of external intervention.

Ultimately the way to truly travel, is to find the whole universe inside of you. So my advice would be just to explore and inquire deeper and deeper into this physical experience - maybe not always as adventurous, but in itself leads to major unfolding.

Wishing you well

Open <3

Hello Open!

Thank you for the reply. It was really an eye opener and I really appreciate all the advice that you set forth.

I have two questions in particular that I really have been wanting to ask. Firstly, how can I explore and inquire deeper into this physical experience? And secondly, the feeling that I described in my first post of not belonging in, not being able to follow the mainstream crowd, feeling so much empathy for people who I don't even know, is there something special in this? Like something more than just being a star soul?

Warm Regards
Madhav Smile

Open's picture

Hi Madhav,

In terms of getting deeper into the physical experience, I would suggest exploring some kind of deep conscious bodywork, such as yoga, or swift walking in the country, or our very own soulmotion (which at the moment we only teach on the courses). It's about feeling deep into the body during some form of exercise - being totally consciousness with every movement.

In answer to your second question, it very much sounds like you're an empath, or highly empathic. In which case, take a look at these couple of articles...

Being an Empath

Especially the second which describes how to deal with the challenges...
Dealing with the Challenges of Being an Empath

Namaste

Open <3

Hello Open,

How would you describe this feeling of being special and not fitting in to be like? Is there any way in which I can truly know how to discover myself? And how do I deal with the challenge of feeling like an 'outsider'? Lastly is it good being a recluse because they are not on the same line as I am and hence my automatic reaction of distancing myself from such people?

Warm regards
Madhav

Open's picture

Hi Madhav,

Is not everyone special in their own way? Is not everyone different and unique? Maybe there are plenty of people around you who have a degree of commonality which you don't share personally. But still, they are each uniquely special. And so are you. Just different. And that describes so many people in this community.

If you feel to be a recluse, then be a recluse.
But certainly don't do it out of fear,
do it only if it makes you feel expansive and free.
If not, then there are plenty of people out there like you.
But you won't manifest them if there's a subconscious fear of meeting people.
If there is that, it's something to work to let go of.
Be in public, be with people, but always mind your boundaries.
Then it should get easier.

Finally, you might like this article...
Do you ever feel like you don't belong here?

Hello Open,

I really appreciate you taking out the time and answering all my questions and giving such useful suggestions. Thank you very much for everything! I will definitely keep everything that you told me in mind.

Namaste

Madhav