Lia's sharing

And sharing is caring.
Have been through a lot.
Still going through a lot.
And aren't we all carrying this moment in the best way we can?

Love to you all, just as you are.


In reply to by soulseer


I love this, getting to a point when we can laugh about all these "serious" things. And you made me laugh Hahaha Lightening things up :)

Thank youuuuuu <3

Realising all the changes that I went through during the recent months, and the integration... Sorry if it's a bit spread around. It is hard for me to both let it flow and focus at the same time. Here I feel opening in some way that doesn't happen to me anywhere else, but it has a price. I trust it will get better!

For seven years I was going through hell, literally. Never-ending pain and horror. Darkness, pressure, suffocation.. There was a constant pressure and pain in my chest. I felt like there is a truck that hit me, crushed my heart and stayed there. Tons pressing on my chest, non-stop, while I was swirling in a kind of tornado. Pure torture. Unbearable. Fighting it made it even more unbearable, but letting go made me die (in my feeling and literally, I mean I almost died this year for real). I realised there is a light side to all this system I used to judge. With all the disadvantages, in my case, Matrix saved my life, or, higher power saved my life via the Matrix. And, in parallel, made me process some really intense stuff around "bio-chemical" manipulation and repression...

But it ended, somehow, no more chest-pain and problems with breathing, and now a new feeling - pressure in my neck!!! :D :D :D All the time. It is much better, I must say. I don't mind at all hhh

So much stuff is coming up...

First of all, now the truck hits the physical body. My spine and hips feel like they are broken, and I do have them broken into place every week by a professional bone-breaker :D Like trying to walk after a car accident every week LOL The "feminine system" is a mess!!! The skin is a horror movie hhh And I know, inside, that it is ok, and that this is the unravelling. There is so much trust. And it all looks different. I know that this is just a reflection. I don't think it is, I know, I feel it, like there are connections between all levels of experience. With every focus I have a pieces of the puzzle floating into view, in my feeling and understanding.

In parallel, many feelings, deep feelings, around how I feel about being human, about the body, about myself, about other humans... So much shame, so much rejection, disconnection from myself and humanity, so much loneliness in this feeling. Feeling not beautiful, not good enough, not deserving, not succeeding, an epic fail of a being... "waste of space" indeed (Trin hhhh) and another part of me growing that is really there for me, that "keeps my back", that is on my side, that loves me. Beautiful!

And sexuality. OMG! One of the spookiest hhh This is a really big one. Like I feel I never developed in this sense and that what was there was all distorted compensations of the real thing. As if the floor is opening underneath me with all these energies I don't know what to do with. Intense! Unbelievable. So I breathe and watch it spread into legs and hips and back, and it all opens up. I don't recognise any of it. I don't recognise my own body and the way I feel...

A lot around communication and blindness - how people can't see each other, being "lost in translation", the whole projectional game and mini-tornados that are created by it. So much noise on the background of this internal stillness that I am beginning to increasingly feel. And yet feeling pretty unable to express myself in a way that would feel right, that would be true and felt, as if there is still presence missing in the way I am coming through.

But the other side of it is that I do come out and communicate and learn. I don't hide at home anymore. I don't push people away. Even if I am not perfect, I try. I make mistakes, learn and try again.

Humour is better than ever. I laugh so much! While feeling much more open, I feel much less vulnerable to others. People insult me, tell me things that are supposed to hurt me, try to violate or manipulate me, and I just laugh. It becomes funny when it has nowhere to hit or hook, and you see them trying so hard, like little funny "demons" trying to find a soft spot inside you and grab you by it. They used to seem so huge and dangerous to me, while I felt so small and powerless, but now they look really harmless and tiny, and all this bustle and the frustration when not finding "it". People are so used to base their relationships on this hooking of each other. Let's hook and stick together with these feeding loops... And I can feel how it cuts off the real power, and the real connection, of each from his own self and from the higher self. In all those moments when I lose myself and as if lean on something external, I feel disempowered and cut off, and MISSING HOME. I immediately miss home, I get this yearning, as if something inside me is calling me to come back.

The great thing is that this new ability makes me able to make friends with people and as if bring the communication to another level. It deepens people's connection to themselves, even if in the beginning there is a disappointment. So I was afraid to not please in vain. And I was afraid to lose people in vain. When the door is open, the guests are free to come and leave, and it makes me feel not any less free in return.

There are many places inside that are still like open wounds, bleeding energy out. You stick a finger in there and it goes OOOOO AYAYAY!!! But even that, when owning it, stops being suffering. It is just there... Not trying to protect or cover up the weaknesses makes them much less dominating part of the overall experience.

Also, and this is really amazing. I used to feel victimised by psychic "attacks", when I would feel other people through the field and it would just pull my field, and if I don't manage to stop it, would trigger tornadoes, emotional, mental, and also cause physical pain. Now I know for sure that this can happen as long as I am hooked in some way. Once I see where the hook goes and let go, it is over. It became pretty fast too. So this is really beautiful to see how things that used to be unbearable and hard and really tormenting turn into a helpful challenge.

Basically, it is as if the noise went much less, MUCH less!!!

And in general, the big message is "MORE PRESENCE", more in the body, more in the feelings and more actions (like really interacting with life) rather than thinking or contemplating. Spiritual hiding is over hhh

That's it :)

I will be glad to read your thoughts/feelings/experiences/perspectives around all this :)

Hugs, everybody <3

Something came up to me today... A kind of something about something that is a riddle, not something I can tell what it is. I am sharing it because it feels like something that speaks from a special place inside to a special place inside other people... It goes like:

"It used to be on the ground, picked by anybody passing by, stepped on, taken lightly, crushed, cracked, darkness pouring out, then smashed, then pushed away, buried underground, sinking deeper, then rotting, smelling like shit all over the place, then dying, killed, it'd better than keep bleeding and soaking in its own poison, and finally it disappeared, vanished in its own abyss.

And now... it's shining, unseen, unfelt, unreachable for most, transparent, it's home is in its own space within the space where all the dead are going, winds blow through it, it's breathing, free, as it needs nothing, it's complete, the path to it is unknown and impossible to find, and yet it's in the reach and view of anybody who has it in the same place.
Sometimes it sings a peaceful song, a silent lullaby, for some. Those who hear this song, feel "it" in themselves."

Feels like home...


And it keeps going, deeper and deeper, channels are opening again and again, unseen things come into view, a flight of consciousness. I can never know what I will find the next moment, how it is going to be, so, letting go of what is to receive what comes without waiting for it. Time stretches like that, and opens new windows, new details...


Royksopp Lyrics

(with Robyn)

Make a space
For my body.
Dig a hole.
Push the sides apart.
This is what
I'm controlling.
It's a moat
The inside that I carve.

This will be my monument
This will be a beacon when I'm gone
Gone, gone
When I'm gone

So that when the moment comes,
I can say I did it all with love
Love, love
All with love

Make a cast
Of my body.
Pull back out,
So that I can see.
Let go of
How you knew me.
Let go of
What I used to be.

I will let this monument
Represent a moment of my life
Life, life
Of my life

I will let this monument
Represent a moment of my life
Life, life
Of my life

Make a cast
Of my body.
Pull back out,
So that I can see.
Let go of
How you knew me.
Let go of
What I used to be.



I am watching this series now, Chef's Table. It is not vegan or vegetarian and it is not meant to be "spiritual", but it is deeply inspiring to me, human stories, grounded, embedded in reality we are living, somehow connecting the dots between everything and it is packed with gems. Every episode leaves me in this feeling of simplicity and wowness at the same time. Here is one of the many beautiful and meaningful pieces: