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Soul Mates and Twin Flames revisited

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Hi Openhanders!
A couple of years ago, Trinity and myself co-wrote an article about "Soul Mates and Twin Flames". It's proved to be one of our most popular articles: it has had many thousands of reads and has been circulated on many sites across the web. It seems many awakened souls are interested in finding that perfect 'partner'! It's also something that's recently come up quite strongly in the one-on-one spiritual coaching I do. So what's the secret of success? I'm often asked this question so I thought I'd briefly revisit the subject...

Twin Flames are not the same as Soul Mates
The first thing that seems to get confused is that Twin Flames and Soul Mates are one and the same thing. Or that our Twin Flame actually incarnates at the same time. From my perspective on reality, this is definitely not the case. The Twin Flame is formed as the soul comes into incarnation. To me it is 'the other half' of ourselves that stays out of incarnation close to the Source. If you like, it gives the magnetic pull and sense of purpose to initiate, and follow, our spiritual path.

The Soul Mate on the other hand, to me, is the closest physical reflection we can possibly have of our Twin Flame. Our ultimate purpose is to become complete and whole within ourselves, yet the Soul Mate then enables us to experience the beauty of the Twin Flame manifested. But Twin Flames don't incarnate together because of the risk of the soul being lost in its entirety. To me, it's not even really comprehensible, the soul must retain its proximity to the Source.

We can however build a very powerful relationship with our Twin Flame and to me, this is definitely one crucial aspect of learning to walk the spiritual path. On many occasions, I've worked with people who've manifested that supposed 'perfect partner' in life only to find, that for some reason, they are either unavailable or the timing is simply not right. I'm often asked: "is the universe having some great cosmic joke at my expense?" Certainly not! The perfect partner is not available exactly because we're supposed to see the reflection in the outer mirror, but then feel the love and retain it within ourselves.

Seeing the reflection in the mirror
If this is happening to you, if a seemingly perfect partner is unavailable for some reason, then perhaps you too are ready to start connecting with your own Twin Flame within, but using the external mirror to generate that inner yearning, love and joy? When it happened to me, I began seeing reflections literally everywhere. I'd catch someone's fleeting smile on the way home on the bus, or the twinkle in an old lady's eyes serving me in the local store. As I stayed connected to my inner feelings, I'd sense love and joy stirring within.

And when that seemingly perfect partner showed up for me, but was unavailable, yes it was challenging, yes at times it was heart rending, but I learned to express the love and rather than project it outwards where it would certainly be rejected, I learned to bring it back inside of myself. I learned to feel it fully on the inside and definitely not to suppress it.

It took a great deal of practice, but finally, I mastered the art. I was able to look at all things in the outer mirror, a person, an animal, a cloud formation or rolling ocean waves, feel the love for that creation, express it, but then bring the love back within. It made me feel whole and complete. I reached the point where I didn't need a mate through which to fulfill that love at all.

The Soul Mate appears
The universe is full of paradoxes! Just when we don't need something anymore, that's exactly when the object of our original desire majestically appears. It's clear to me, neediness can push partners away or alternatively, draw to ourselves a partner that causes us to be needy. This is the true "Law of Attraction" in operation: we create on the outside exactly the circumstances we need, in order to see who and what we're being on the inside (please note: this has nothing to do with manipulating the law in order to feed the desires of the ego!).

So when we are being whole and complete, a partner may then show up to help us truly experience wholeness and completeness. To me, this is the role of the True Soul Mate. So we must find wholeness and completeness first if our True Soul Mate is to show up at all. Sure, other partners may manifest, but in my experience at least, true unconditional love between Soul Mates can only be experienced when we are evolved enough not to place conditional need or requirement on our partner. The ultimate paradox is that True Soul Mates don't need a mate at all!

Ultimately then, if we're being honest with ourselves, not denying our love, but finding expression for it in the outer mirror, and then bringing that love back inside, we'll evolve into a complete and whole human being. It is then, by The Law of Attraction, we'll draw to ourselves exactly the right partner - our True Soul Mate.

Chris
PS: to read the original article plus personal sharings, click here...Soul Mates and Twin Flames

Comments

tasneem's picture

Hi Chris,
as you know, I am exploring the subject you are talking about in my life right now. So I really appreciate you expanding on it in the journal.

I am still somewhat confused about the concept of the twin flame though. - If my attention is drawn to something in the outer world, say a person's smile, and it opens my heart, brings me into the moment and connects me with BEING, would you automatically see that as a message from my twin flame? Why not just a connection with pure being? And what is the difference between the two?

In a way, also from the way you are describing it (as both real and notional), I get the impression that the twin flame is the ultimate divine transitional object!!!

However, from what I understand, many people pass through various (all?) gateways without ever having been consciously in touch with their twin flame (or having reunited with it, for that matter). So ultimately do we reunite with the source only, but never with our twin flame? Then why is it considered the other half of one soul (althouth I am aware that as you say, each soul is also complete in itself)?

And finally what is the connection between our true soul mate and our twin flame - in order to fulfil that function he/she would almost have to be a replica of the twin flame - but still he/she has his own twin flame? With other characteristics?

Even though I have not gone into this subject extensively, as you know in the pertinent literature it is defined differently, so I am still having a hard time grasping it - and at the same time, I am aware, of course, that it needs to be turned into a living experience - since this seems to be the next step in my life right now.

Love to everybody,
Tasneem

Chris Bourne's picture

Hi Tasneem,

You ask...

    "I am still somewhat confused about the concept of the twin flame though. - If my attention is drawn to something in the outer world, say a person's smile, and it opens my heart, brings me into the moment and connects me with BEING, would you automatically see that as a message from my twin flame? Why not just a connection with pure being? And what is the difference between the two?"

It's a good question. Yes, such experiences could simply be as a connection with pure beingness. However, in my direct experience and that of others I have worked with, connection to the twin flame becomes very real and tangible. It has a unique essence to it which is most probably experienced slightly differently for each of us.

For me, it felt like a very real relationship, like with a 'separate' partner. I remember guiding some work around the twin flame on our "Transfiguration" course (the jewel in the Openhand crown!). Lesley, and Openhand 'old hand', was experiencing a truly beautiful and moving experience with a black cat that had befriended her. She was describing to the group some of her twin flame experiences - through the black cat - when it suddenly appeared at the door to the meditation studio.

We let it in. As she was describing what had happened and the love the cat had shown her, it recreated exactly the same experience right before the eyes of all attending. Then upon completion of her story, the cat nonchalantly moved off back towards the door, swishing its tail through two twin candles - twin flames - either side of me! It was truly breath-taking.

In order to really begin to experience our connection with the twin flame, we have to let go completely of mind led intention. Otherwise we simply won't feel the directional flow. But there's a delicate balance to be achieved too: if we don't give energy to the possibility, we won't experience this divine 'relationship'. So we have to dissolve mind led intention, open an internal space, but then watch for the synchronistic feelings to engage through the external mirror with our internal flame. The once the flicker begins, stoke the flame by giving energy - extra attention - to it.

It is a highly etheric and to many, intangible experience. Yet as we open up and unfold increasing sensitivity to the full, multi-dimensional essence of the moment, this very and profoundly beautiful experience will happen naturally for more of us.

You also ask...

    "many people pass through various (all?) gateways without ever having been consciously in touch with their twin flame (or having reunited with it, for that matter). So ultimately do we reunite with the source only, but never with our twin flame? Then why is it considered the other half of one soul (althouth I am aware that as you say, each soul is also complete in itself)?"

Many people think they've gone through particular gateways when they probably have not. Some people tend to develop less passion about life - even awakened souls seem to occupy a kind of dispassionate acceptance. To me life is vibrant, energetic, passionate and joyful. Perhaps my experience is slightly coloured by this? Having said that, I know it is very real that we become whole and complete within ourselves. And I know that experience of life comes from this notional separation between ourselves and our twin flame - to me, this is what 'incarnation' really means.

So I revel in the enjoyment of the separate experience, the unique, the individual. It is through this relativity that we truly become tantric masters - both in the illusion and soaking it in through every pore, yet not being of the illusion. I don't believe I'm the only one experiencing this phenomenon, I know there are many of us!

Finally you ask...

    "what is the connection between our true soul mate and our twin flame - in order to fulfil that function he/she would almost have to be a replica of the twin flame - but still he/she has his own twin flame? With other characteristics?

Yes the vibration of our soul mate and twin flame will be very close but not too close. In my experience there is an important, tangible difference. Otherwise there's the slight risk of us 'loosing ourselves' in our soul mate - when the purpose is for each soul mate to help the other evolve into a complete internal expression.

Chris

Lesley Lord's picture

Hi Chris,

How lovely to remember those amazing days with the cat through your post!

I realise when I read:

"in order to really begin to experience our connection with the twin flame, we have to let go completely of mind led intention. Otherwise we simply won't feel the directional flow. But there's a delicate balance to be achieved too: if we don't give energy to the possibility, we won't experience this divine 'relationship'. So we have to dissolve mind led intention, open an internal space, but then watch for the synchronistic feelings to engage through the external mirror with our internal flame. Then once the flicker begins, stoke the flame by giving energy - extra attention - to it".

I realise that I've been blocking a lot of the lovely twin flame experiences I used to have. My internal space for all things magical seems to have caved in in recent months as I was experiencing some confusion whilst undergoing some steep learning curves. I realise now there's been a kind of mild depression lingering in me as I stifled my energies. Yet my twin flame was still there, but I wasn't responding in my usual "wonder and zest for life" kind of way, so I wasn't seeing any of the magic on a daily basis. Yet my neighbours dog has brought me two matching rocks and laid them at my front door many times during that same period. I knew that it was a twin flame symbol as I've many times been called a rock (I tend to have very steady energy in volatile or stressful situations), but really I responded with hardly a glimmer of acknowledgement, whereas usually I celebrate and deeply feel the sweetness of life in all such given moments. How off track have I been? Better get back into gear and open the space is all I can say!

Love,
Lesley x

Chris Bourne's picture

Well I'm glad things are back on track for you Lesley - I love the dog synchronicity - this is exactly what I'm talking about. Most people would easily pass it off as insignificant. But as you know, EVERYTHING has a deeper meaning. We just have to keep inquiring as to what it is.

As you know, it's all about holding that open internal space and watching what our attention is being 'spiked' to. Then to focus attention on that, give energy to it: love, joy, wonder. It makes life magical.

Chris

tasneem's picture

Hi Chris,

You write:

... even awakened souls seem to occupy a kind of dispassionate acceptance. To me life is vibrant, energetic, passionate and joyful.

I love it! It sounds so yummy and definitely something worth moving towards.

So many of the so-called enlightened masters embody anything but what you describe. A disciple once gave me a tape recorded by his master whose voice sounded so monotonous and dispassionate that it could just as well have come from a machine. He explained that this guy had transcended all the normal emotions, passions etc.

And I have sitting for a while with an Indian master whose disciples said he came down the stairs about every two months - the rest of the time he was staying in his room sitting in samadhi.

Neither of these role-models really appealed to me. However, what you describe sounds just like my cup of tea, so thank you so much for this beautiful vision of the time to come (however long it may take).

Tasneem

Chris Bourne's picture

Hi Tasneem et al,

I thought I'd offer a little insight into the depth, beauty, magic and mysticism of the twin flame phenomenon. To me, words are really inadequate. It's about the passion and deep upwelling of experience that makes you feel moved to the core.

My twin flame often speaks to me this way. If I follow the pull, I'm frequently taken on journies of deep sensual experience - here and now - yet also multidimensional. It's like being in the third dimension yet allowing feeling, emotion and thought to ignite a lucid dream. It's when we realise the dream is more real than 'reality' when it truly gets interesting - when we truly begin to live life.

I tend to get up pretty early in the morning - 4am is pretty usual. I'll often awake with an idea for the website. In the dark early morning, I find the energy very magical - it's very quiet and still. I'll take frequent breaks though, just to make sure I'm not getting too deeply engaged in the just the physical plane without tasting the deeper meaning.

I might play my boogiebox (my ipod) on shuffle and let the songs come up randomly. My twin flame always loves to come through that way in the lyrics of songs and the passion of melody. I'll soon find myself dancing around the room often brought to tears. But you have to hold the open space that the music is being played for you. If you doubt the dream, it disappears rapidly like the disappearing spot on a switched off TV screen. Then you might aswell just be playing any old music.

This morning I was writing something and felt to take a break. Honouring the pull, I was treated to a song which stirs me deeply and I was guided to watch the video on youtube. Now before I share the video below, I should say, a big story in my life of course is our Ascension. To me, it is a powerfully passionate event. It's a story that is rising to a phenomenal crescendo. It's a story of deeply benevolent guidance speaking through the weave of reality, hidden in the shadows, yet whose every awakened action is for our ultimate good.

Yet because so many people are resisting the story, it's a double edged sword: its a story of dark and light, snatching souls from disaster and chaos. For my soul ray harmonic, it's the ultimate stimulant. It's what gets me out of bed in the darkness, stirs my blood and animates practically my every awakened thought. It's all the disaster movies you can think of (with 'good' endings of course!) all rolled into one.

So one song and video that captures this for me so well, and one through which I can literally feel my twin flame speaking, is "Don't want to miss a thing" from the film Armageddon. Watch the video below - how many signs and synchronicities can you read? How does it speak to you about multidimensionality? About love, passion, commitment, courage? These are all powerful human traits and characteristics of the soul. To me, they are what makes life worth living. They give it 'juice'...

Chris