The Golden Age Podcast

Deep gratitude for the encouragement and uplifting vibes! Probably Lots of derailing from entities that have me doubting what's true, but seeing this brings me back to sense of rightness. Lots of turmoil with ups and downs and losing faith and motivation. But making the choice that this is not how I wish to be anymore, and persisting in continuously bringing awareness back to sgob with wonderful results. Deeper understanding of so much I accepted on an intellectual level but not a true knowing. Like when I feel like I failed because I reacted to triggers but then emerging out of the pain of the inquiry with a deeper understanding. My anger at my sister (core wound) is nothing more than anger at myself for letting her get the better of me. By my reaction and defensiveness saying it's true I am less than, that I deserve punishment. Because I believed it. That my mother's insecurity and low self worth were passed on to me and my sister capitalized on that to feed her own low self-worth. Remembering I did that too. What's the point? Hard for me to express what I really mean and remember my point. Struggling with intense brain fog and drowsiness and forgetfulness and over-emotional ism. I deeply believe it can be reversed with aligned choices in diet etc. I've already stopped smoking cannabis and and making better dietary choices so sticking with I feel will eventually change this but frustrating in the meantime. Reminding myself I did this to myself most of my life and not to expect overnight miracles. But im finally on it cause I have come to see how nothing in this reality do I need or even want anymore. Of course I'm still attached but like the quote says "focus not on changing the old but rather focus on building the new." This to me is reuniting with my higher self and letting her take the wheel. Like the dream I had where I was on the back of a bicycle that "I" was riding, and she/me was taking us effortlessly up a meandering mountain road and how I felt peace and joy and excitement at the journey. Wanting insight on whether to continue with this antidepressant. Feeling it's a useful tool for now but not liking the side effects and "knowing" the progressive reintegration with spirit will undoubtedly render the AD unnecessary. Already beginning a slow but steady ...lost the word. Letting it go. All my behaviour and reactivity coming from resistance and expectations and unconscious defensive mechanisms etc I believe now can be neutralized simply by dwelling in spirit. Knowing of course these things must be faced worked through unravelled, I can vouch that this is the only way, but also seeing through sgob how these things are not even mine and can be released. Feeling the excess weight I carry is actually my young self who doesn't know yet how to stand on her own two feet. Holding on to it all because I think I deserve it. Trouble expressing and getting there today for some reason, maybe because of diet choices yesterday. It's a process and thank you for the validation of being patient and not thinking I have to get it "right" immediately. That has helped so much; the self-talk and patience with myself. So I come and go, back to the dead-end of mindless distraction only to get fed up with it and there being nothing else, I go back to ME and find more and more fulfillment. It feels like the 3d stuff crowding me jostling pushing me back to where I truly need to be so inadvertent tools. Seems the best method for me is to make myself so sick and bored of the empty pursuits that I no longer want them. Kali came up last night watching Indiana Jones and that initial fear reaction but then reminding myself that the pain of burning through my false attachments is so worth it and that I love her for helping me do that. Pain then starts to look like an ally. Tara reminding of the day I walked out of a job because of a bully (guru) but how it happened was she blew up at something I did (catalyst?) and suddenly the light in the place became rich and golden and with that light came a peace and knowing it was time to go. I'm not sure though it may have been Metatron. So much I want to say but forget. Bottom line, making the choice to start letting it all go and committing to ME and following her wherever she takes me till we are one. Slowly embodying a new name, nova grace, until I don't need any name because I recognize that I am the one. Things are moving and slowly opening myself to the light and feeling so much gratitude to you all for showing the way and loving support. When in misalignment I imagine everyone is negatively judging but seeing there's no judgement here, only understanding and acceptance and this allows me to do the same for myself.  GRATITUDE!!! I'm with you! Will get myself to those retreats soon; not denying that pull anymore. Just have to align with resources.

"The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle. The moment I stepped off of it, was the moment I touched ground." 

Alanis Morissette, "Thank You"

Weeping at these lyrics, yes over-emotional, but it's a feeling of thank god I'm finally on my way! Went to see her live and we shared something, a connection. we gazed at each other during a song for some time, our energies melding. I saw my friend out of the corner of my eye looking back and forth between us and probably wondering what was going on. I always knew the way but let doubt and conditioning derail me over and over. No more blame, only choices. I'm with you. 🙏❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤍✨

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