LMAO bit of a connection here. Making breaky and inspired by Andy's prose, and apparently your waxing poetic in the ether, this came up ;

why do i need to be so loud?

always seeking attention

is it because i am so proud?

cant i see im just like them?

same concerns same dimension

why do i need to know what star im from?

another label to dispel the glum?

a place to fit in and commiserate

why not just let it rest up to fate?

i already know who i am inside

its who im not that i need to find

yours is brilliant and a keeper; inspiration to turn to when i give in to the old tape. and the inquiry you present is very timely for me. ive been confronting the reasons why i still find it so hard to be authentic. why i buckle and crumble when someone is mean to me, like a child i sound but appropos. And the ridiculous hypocrisy where i can be scathingly nasty to someone but become a spineless jellyfish when they return the favour. But worse is when i hold me ground, say with someone who i recognize as trying to take advantage of my good nature. i dont do anything overt to hurt them, just dont engage, and still they react as though ive killed their firstborn, and i let myself get pulled into the emotional manipulation, stewing over their rejection which i started. how does my standing my ground keep turning into a mind game with these people? But more in keeping with your inquiry; why i avoid telling people im back to vegan, not wanting to arouse in them that sense of obligation that invariably becomes defensive. why must i forever be walking on eggshells? why do i feel the need to? this is the warrior i wish to become, the one who stands firm in their truth while dispassionately observing others reactions without also reacting or rising to the bait. Staying calm and present and seeing the bigger picture like you say. But also standing firm in my truth and not letting others negative reaactions sway me from my truth; such personal betrayal. no wonder im so at war with myself. After getting such a wonderful energetic boost from the video of La Palma, i was seeing and hearing sychronicities everywhere and noteabbly pausing in the grocery to get my bearings and standing smack in front of a sign that said "face the intensity". Alrighty then! A warrior doesnt become so avoiding the intensity. So no more running from the battleground. Great practice for facing the "final boss", my mother and sister wounds. But mostly learning to stay calm. Teaching my nervous system not to feel like it has to be ready to physically fight. Oh to be calm and honest and steadfast, and opening the ground for others to feel the same. Now that would be the beginning of freedom. Thank you!