Hi Jen,

Yeah, the breathing hehe It is a biggy. The only couple of things I can say here are:

1) I was fighting for my breath a lot, got to the hospital a couple of times too, and one good tip I can give is - let it be, or NOT be. All this "let's rely on our breathing" in meditation practices is very nice, but what if you CAN'T breathe?? Now when the suffocation arrives I just don't breathe for as long as it takes. And actually, within that window, for as long as it takes, I get to feel and see many other things. For example, the agony of feeling the whole "network" of souls dying. Imagine. Feeling not only my own suffering, suffocation, death, horror, grieve, anger, and many other interesting sensations, apart from suffocation, when the whole structure is decomposed, dissected, split, but that of myriads of souls I am connected to. Empathy can be a bitch hhh It is not surprising many feel cursed by it here on earth. After something like that you just naturally don't want it, the soul is traumatised by it. Or when seeing all the perfect world you've built together collapsing... So, not breathing stops being a problem. It is really minor.

When you can't breathe, just don't and start noticing what else is going on, what else you're feeling...

2) If you don't struggle to breathe, at some point it will happen on its own. It happens when it happens

3) If it doesn't, then it is emergency, and other new interesting things will pop up in flashbacks or new challenging experiences and sensations will appear, like , in my case, how it feels to be dependent, to rely on others for survival, bright lights into eyes, being treated like some kind of "bio-machine", being stuffed with drugs against my will, disempowered by the system, watching my body changing, losing control over it, feeling like somebody is experimenting on me, I am not the bright, arrogant, superior specie out of sudden, and the irony is that everything comes back to you indeed hhh, many, many other very important things, flooding other karmic experiences, - everything is a part of the process.

In general, for me, at this point, it is all about being okay with being totally alone and walking alone.

I got a confirmation of it when I saw the posts on the web. We are okay, we are okay on our own too.

Hugs