Hi everyone,

I wanted to add a few things about trauma responses to my previous post to Jen, because in my experience there's a key in each one for moving into alignment in relationships with those who trigger you.

A trauma response is an automatic in-build reaction to being triggered in some way. When we're triggered, what's happening almost always is that a pain is being activated that's ALREADY within us. So the perpetrator isn't causing the pain, they're simply giving a reflection which activates it. So, the key is to take responsibility for this pain, which means not projecting it onto them or avoiding it somehow.

Trauma responses are built up when very young in order to regulate our systems. They aren't a bad thing in themselves, especially when dealing with complex trauma and PTSD - however, they hinder the self-realization process when they remain unconscious. I call it 'Automatic Pain Avoidance Mode'.

Here they are in a nutshell:

1. Fight - A part of you feels attacked and so you throw the energy back out some way - usually directed at someone else.
2. Flight - You retreat from the situation - this isn't so much about physically retreating, but more about avoidance or denial of your reality.
3. Freeze - Your body-mind shuts down temporarily, often finding yourself unable to speak or respond. I call it the 'hedgehog response'. It comes from feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. It's one I've experienced often.
4. Faun - People pleasing essentially. It often comes from guilt. Essentially you make your wellbeing dependent on how happy those around you are. If they're angry then it reminds you of your own pain. If they're happy you don't have to look at it, so you do everything you can to focus on their happiness.

To break through each one, we have to find the key truth in them and then learn to be in that without projecting the energy or avoiding the pain/reality.

Here are the key's to breaking through:

1. Fight - Express/honour the anger without projecting. Then, use the underlying passion/drive in a constructive way, e.g. in a creative project.
2. Flight - Walk away from the situation only if it doesn't mean walking away from your reality. Honour and transform the feelings, then decide if the situation serves you or not. Work to create an environment that best supports who you are.
3. Freeze - The aligned response to this often looks the same, which is to stay silent. The key difference is that you can fully hold space for all the stuff you're feeling. In my experience it often comes with the recognition that no other expression can fully honour your truth in this situation, especially when expressed to people who 'don't get it'.
4. Faun - Recognize the power of creating your reality from the inside-out. Most people create from outside-in - i.e. they form identities and stories about themselves based on what happens around them. Instead, inside-out means you feel your truth in any situation and make that the base of who you are - then ask yourself how you can express that into the outside. It also helps to create environments which you feel well in (not blissed or high, but safe enough to experience all emotions)

I hope this helps anyone who reads it. It's based on my own explorations around the topic.

I find that people have generally experienced each trauma response at some point, though they will generally have a 'go-to' response which comes through more than the others.

Do let me know if there are any questions :-)

Richard