Hello everyone

I was going to post this question on the forum, but it's offline.

I've been meditating a lot, and deeply. Sometimes I feel like I never want to leave it.
But when I go 'living my life' that state rapidly vanishes away and I find myself going back to the same compulsive actions. My mind gets caught up a lot in double checking things, especially the messages I send to people. My ego almost desperately wants to know if I misspelled some word or expressed myself badly. I also have some compulsive body movements, and I feel they're linked to that compulsive double checking.

Intelectually, I know I must remain the observer after meditating, but that ends up being a tiring task that ceases my enjoyment towards life. I don't know... when I'm observing I usually feel like I'm forcing it, it doesn't feel natural.

Any thoughts on that matter?

Thank you