Hi Jen,

Last night after the webinar, I suddenly woke up at 3:30 a.m. with an intense pain in my solar plexus. It was sharp with some anxiety buried into it. While I laid there feeling it, I kept thinking about your sharing. Something about it churned something inside of me.

Today, I reread your sharing and apart from the obvious empathy with a situation I can highly relate to, having kids of my own, I feel pulled to share a perspective based on an experience I recently had. I always feel a bit uncomfortable, offering ‘guidance’ like this, because you may already be way through and beyond it or not resonate with it at all. If that’s the case that’s fine. It’s part of my process to dare to share, no matter the outcome.

Your sharing doesn’t tell whether your son’s pain is physical or emotional/psychological. So I have no point of reference there. But in my daughter’s case, it was emotional.

I have come to understand, over the years, that my daughter is very sensitive to people and energies around her. I’m a highly sensitive empath myself, so it’s not too far fetched to think she may embody some of these qualities as well. What I’ve discovered during the course of my awakened journey is that my daughter always provides me with the perfect mirror. She not only reflects who I am being today, but also issues from my childhood and even past lives that need to be addressed. That means that when things from the past get activated in me, she intensifies them through her own behaviour and emotions synchronistically to provide me with the clues I need to uncover my own personal traumas or distortions.

When my daughter turned 4, something activated in her. It was literally from one week to the next. Her whole personality changed. From this happy, enthusiastic little bundle of joy, she suddenly turned into what people call a ‘monster’. Constantly angry, aggressive, screaming, wouldn’t let anyone comfort her. She was in so much pain, but constantly shutting us out, so it was impossible to get close to her and ‘help’ her deal with her feelings. This went on for a long time, and about 9 months later it peaked when she completely flipped out on us. I won’t go into the details, but it was then that the memory of a childhood trauma of mine emerged. Something that happened when I was at the synchronistic age of 4.

After dealing with this trauma, things got a little better. I found new ways of approaching her and she calmed down and started opening up to us again. But things weren’t smooth yet. Every so often, the pattern would repeat itself, and lo and behold, there would be another memory for me to deal with. It was clear that the more I integrated my inner child, the more my daughter’s emotional state improved. About six months ago, things were actually beginning to stabilise, but there was still one thing that didn’t seem to give. For several months, my daughter was sad, really sad, every day, and she couldn’t understand why. Neither could I, but since I was also walking around with this core pain in my heart, practically every day for months, I figured her sadness probably had something to do with me. A long painful process of unraveling eventually brought me to the root cause of both mine and her pain. The journey took me back, not only to my childhood, but to my mother’s as well, and the discovery of a trauma my mother went through, at the (once again) synchronistic age of 4. It turns out, I had been carrying her baggage as well, even though I never even experienced it.

When I broke through this pain and released it, something miraculous happened. My daughter’s sadness disappeared, literally from one day to the next. And I’m moved to tears with gratitude as I write this, because finally after almost two years of intense heartache and struggle, the original loving and enthusiastic spirit of my daughter has returned. I see and feel the child I almost thought I had lost and she is close to me again.

So, I felt to just ask the question, if you’ve looked into the possibility of your son’s pain not necessarily being entirely his own, but a direct reflection of a pain or trauma of yours? Perhaps even something completely unrelated. Even if I’m way off, I can’t help to at least offer that as a reflection. Something moved me to write to you, after all.

I wish you and your son all the best 💞

Love,

Anastasia