Open, it's not the resources but more the shame associated with it. When you say that it seems more like something adventurous but living it here in my situation is a different story mainly because the the expectation associated with it. Its interesting life has manifested in such a way that I'm living with a larger family like I used to when I was a kid. On one hand this is beautiful x there is so much more connection and togetherness which I love. My brother is also in the same situation as me. So basically it's the question of how others around see us both maybe as being worthless or having lost on this world. In my case especially having 'performed' as something special all my life. I know this is mostly my way of perceiving things. But there is truth in it as well. So it's much more difficult to express my truth or come from beingness. This sudden change in situation has also activated within my relations as well which are getting projected on to others. I had lived more or less like you mention ina different place. But that time it was just me and the world. Yes there was glorious freedom, I remember.
I quite easily run for some fix and can't find the patience to sit, feel and soften into what I'm already creating. But yet some part of me has broken through this repeating pattern having seen the futility of it. I realize if I hadn't self expectation, then the expectation of others woudnt matter to me. But I'm continously becoming an uncomfortable question for others especially my mother. And really I'm tired of becoming the cause for others worries.