Dear Megha,

Ah I feel for you. I was in that position too a few years ago - it's actually uncanny how similar it sounds. I remember how destabalizing and roller coaster like it was for me too.

For me, the key realization was that all the ups and downs, back and forth were simply showing me how I was transitioning between the old and new. I had a bit of my energy in both. So, it was really important to allow the swings in energy - giving me the mirror I needed (but sometimes didn't want) to see. The patterns and emotions need to play out to be processed.

I've also found that it's that space between the old and new, when you're feeling both deep grief and excited anticipation and love, that allows for these amazing expansions like you describe. Grief brings us closer to death, which in turn brings us closer to life. The more we let go of the 3D old patterns - ones which we recieved some nice feedback loops in but weren't healthy - the more we open ourselves to the higher feedback loops, which are, as you've so coherently written, so much more powerful. WHy would we ever go back?

Much love to you

Rich