It looks like the most perfect Christmas!!! Having a major breakthrough/Christmas miracle! While watching Return of the Jedi and struggling through the latest drama, i dropped on my knees and prayed for it to stop; that i wanted to go back to the Force. And while watching the movie i suddenly felt like i was watching it as i had as a child. i felt everything again as pure wonderment and understanding and how the movie is the perfect allegory for our own personal battle between the Force and the Dark Side. And how my parents had fallen to the dark side and taught me and my sisters,  and how we surround ourselves with our families and how we use our anger to control and manipulate each other and how i'm the worst offender. i've been living in the Dark Side for years and didn't even realise it! i want to be my childhood self again, she knew what she wanted and what she loved and i turned my back on her to impress my father. i guess when mom made things dark he had reminded me of my light so i became dependent on him to turn it on for me, forgetting i already have it. so much love!!! and my fear of death is fear of losing that love. i wished for my heart to open again and i got my wish. i know its going to be a huge struggle hanging on and continuing the purging but i know what i want now and wont stop getting stronger so i will standup for myself and my freedom. i had to come down here to learn it and recognize it so i could protect myself from it. this has been a necessary journey. im terrified but exhilirated. and in awe. so much love. i want to be a jedi when i grow up. If only everyone could feel like that again, that is my Christmas wish. Love to you all! 💜💜💜🙏🌹😊