Breakthrough today. Was inquiring about my situation and what i needed to understand; what i needed to learn. And it came: the person causing me problems is ME! i'm here in this situation to finally realise that my behaviour and atitude were not only hurting others, but me. All the animosity i've been experiencing over the years was just my own ugliness mirrored back to me, just more intense. Sure it was a defense mechanism, but now i see it's hurting and stifling rather than protecting me. i kept blaming others when it was ME all along!!! i absolutely had to go through it to see it. Knowing it at the lower mind level didn't help me understand but feeling it has. I have such a deeper understanding of it now, even the origin of it. And now i don't even blame my parents because it wasn't their fault. The incredible thing is how the anger and resentment towards the latest iteration of my distorted self has basically faded, all on its own. i'm not as trapped as i thought i was, but i had to be put in the situation without a chance to run away as i always do before learning what i needed to learn. i also see how i still count on others too much and how that puts me in a place of powerlessness which gets taken advantage of, and then i resent myself for giving in, for selling my soul for safety and familiarity. But i've also been working on standing strong in my boundaries and i feel closer to freedom than ever. Maybe i'm finally growing up! Only took me 50 years lol! i feel like i'm standing at the shores of the ocean, getting ready to get on the boat. Could be an adventure!💙