Thanks for responding Cosmic. Very true, not being heard was one of many hurtful things i experienced. i eventually found my voice but it was distorted; pushy and demanding, sort of like what's reflecting back to me now😉 as are the behaviours that i myself projected out into the world so unconsciously for so long. i needed this experience to smack me into reality and awareness of how i behave and treat other people, and dishonour myself. i'm beginning to see it as a miracle b/c my guides love me so much they want to help me get what i asked for: to change.

Music is my lifeboat, my shelter in the storm. i always have my music and headphones near and many times can only sleep this way. i have sleep phones too which are a heaven-send as i'm a side sleeper.

Yes, really trying to use this experience to unlock myself from the prison of anger and resentment which originates towards my family. The thing with efforting is, i think, totally necessary for me. i've needed to become disciplined to start unravelling the trauma and conditioning and begin embodying the traits of the person i hope to become. At times when the ruckus starts i surrender into myself, learning to focus on that SGOB and treat the noise and angry energy as unimportant background noise. Going full zen, though not there yet; i can feel the projected anger in my field and my body responds automatically. Fight or flight kicks in and the anger begins to simmer of its own accord. A hard thing to master, but as they say, nothing worthwhile comes easy.

Admire you for being at that place where you can choose joy consciously, and turning negayive experiences into positive ones. May your inner work bring you ever closer to peace and personal freedom! Thanks for sharing💙💙💙🙏