Remarkable shift today. I had recently created then let myself get pulled into a toxic energetic exchange with a proxy of my sister, who I've had trouble forgiving, and also letting go of old perceived grievances. One of the biggest blocks I've carried my whole life. The typical but unexpected at the time reaction from this person had me right back in the old power struggle and toxicity of the relationship with my sister. I worked on breathing and softening and allowed the deeper emotion of pain to flow through but still began to brood. I couldn't help being pulled back into mind, trying to sort it out, but also letting myself fall back into the ugly blaming and projections. I recognized the old prison walls and knew something was benefitting from my negative emotions and in a fit of despair I cried out "Why tf is this still happening!?! Why can't I let go and get beyond it!?!" And the nervous angry energy bubbled up still until I cried out "PLEASE help me overcome and transcend this once and for all!! Please show me how to rise above!!!" And I went and sat down and released emotion and tried to get back to breath. And it slowly became lighter. The anger, resistance, ego need to defend itself and the projection of blame "how dare she", it all started to soften and then to fade altogether. I even felt chagrin at holding such a grudge towards her and blaming her for so much that wasn't even her fault. It was about how I was being and the reaction to that. Not setting clear, strong but gentle boundaries. Always going over the edge and blowing things way out of proportion. My own poor emotional self-regulation and fear of attack. And suddenly I was able to let go completely and see how I created it. How I was being invited to be the bigger person and not let myself get dragged into the ego-anger exchange. THIS is where my power lies, just as you say in 5gateways, the space between stimulus and response. And the choice, the simple, difficult, yet powerful choice not to fight with those who can't get your energy any other way, because I give the cold shoulder, one of my defense mechanisms. I even wonder what it would like to have the calm and courage to face these proxies, not run away and actually talk. Although I have to remember it's not just me being toxic, in fact I believe I was pulled into the other's emotions because some people can't stand when someone they perceive as weak doesn't give in to them, but I invited it to flush out my own toxicity and attachment to defending myself. So I have no illusions of things getting "patched up". But at least I can stop creating even worse feelings and triggering insecurities in others by not playing the game. It's going to be hard but I WILL overcome this! Because now I know I can. While I can't get a sense of who or what helped me, a given really considering the density I've been stewing in for a few days, I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that someone helped me. Showing me how I can learn to not only get myself out of the darkness, but not even letting myself fall into it in the first place. And how that vibes with how you say to be working on infusing soul, not just clearing lower chakras. Where I think I ran into trouble the most was this feeling of not being worthy of soul-infusion because of how ugly I was being. Because I was taught I wasn't worthy. I see now that the aim when in that ugliness is to actively focus on infusing soul to pull myself out of it, while working out the karma. I'm in awe and deep deep gratitude to my benefactor. I wish I could "see" them to thank them, but I know they know. YEEHAW! 😃🙏💙