Dear Open ,

I am having deep explorations with the theme of self betrayal and hence also mistrust of owns own self as a result of self judging myself for being “ wrong” . At the heart is the avoidance of a deep fear of abandonment . The abandonment wound is a deep with echoes in almost all my lower chakras including my heart ( Sirius is what the karma originated ,I think ) . When do I betray myself ? What do I want from another which I am not giving myself . In a very visual way it’s almost as if I am looking for something or attached to the idea of something outside myself and immediately the universe reflects my lack . As soon as I “catch “ this which for me takes many cycles /spirals of sifting through deep emotional sensations ,the realisation dawns that I already have this . Suddenly there is a reclamation of energy as the being “ remembers” the Truth within this emotional maelstrom. It’s me . I need me .I ALWAYS have whatever I need .

Today after weeks of what I can only describe as a whirlwind of emotions ,I felt into the emotion of neediness within relationships . And I closed the loop because I realise what I need ,is my own true self . Something in my heart came alive when I felt into this .

I have also been contemplating the role of ancestral karma - I believe I have touched on every one of those massive boulders obstructing the stream of my soul. From poverty consciousness to neediness and mistrust . This needs so much awareness because this is exactly what the self thinks of ,well ,its own self .

Thank you for both the articles . The emotions also meant I was feeling blocked from writing on this forum and it feels as though that resistance has somewhat melted now .

Deep bow to all the souls doing this work

Megha