Fantastic, thank you! These have been my uplifters of late, when i slide back down into old stuff. And i have been. But also getting back up with the help of my friends. All of you are uplifters and im grateful. My heart aches at the mindless, rampant destruction. They'll never stop until Gaia's lifeless. Hope they get their wakeup call soon and if that sounds vindictive, well i own that. From this vantage of incomplete unravelling and integration, i can say my mission feels like sharing my gift of laughter and empathy with the world. Replacing dark with light. i got a huge feedback one night from the Pleaidies when i popped out onto the balcony to see them, and at that moment a shooting star whizzed by. i still feel like such a child, unable to understand how people can still be so destructive and selfish, duplicitous and sly. hard for me to understand how anyone could want anything other than purity and simplicity and a deep close connection with Gaia. i guess i cant judge when i myself am still so judgmental and critical; running from negative energy but then indulging in it myself. my talismans against dark energy are useless if i keep inviting it in. letting go of ego is hard, especially when its used as a defense mech. disheartening to see i still indulge in imperialism. But one noteable lesson ive learned of late is persistance. Where i always gave up before, i persist now, because i see the small victories and improvements. how can i say im grateful and then snub my nose at the gifts by turning my back on them? i dont turn from myself anymore when i back-slide, i say "hey, this isnt you, its just bad habits and those can be broken, negated even with full integration" i allow the ugliness but now i watch it, observing and learning. And then making sure i put it away so as not to attract it back to me. Still letting myself get pulled out too much. how do i reconcile with having this look about me where people feel safe, but dont get they are crossing boundaries and even being energy-leechers? i feel guilty when i put up the walls and get so angry at their audacity. Can't they read body language? why should i feel guilty when i never invited them in the first place? i try to be "nice" but invariably they latch on and try to take too much. how do i keep my boundaries without also getting resentful or resistive or having to resort to rudeness for them to finally get the hint? Am i supposed to allow it? Is it an opportunity for learning? For sharing the light? Becuase all it feels like is lonely people trying to get energy from a "nice" pushover, because they cant get it for themselves and im so tired of it. My own family did this to me, till i said no, enough. How do i reconcile my inner love with needing to keep my boundaries? So tired of being taken advantage of, and then on other side of coin, still being needy myself? Maybe thats what they're showing me; my own disrespect for others boundaries. It seems to always come back to me, doesnt it? Funny that. But i think the answer is simple; when im in that sweet spot of higher energy, sharing my light is easy and i dont feel like anyones taking anything, because its limitless anyway. i just havent been there in some time. Another thing im learning is my teeneagers need for excitment. ive discovered thats why i still struggle with meditation; im not getting a rush. Lucky for that new-found persistence. My teenager will learn the beauty of that subtle and quietly potent sense of prescence, and she will like it, darn it! Starting understand the value of patience, and the right time for everything. I will get there. And its ok if it takes me years. I'm starting to really appreciate the journey. Blessings to all you beautiful souls.barb

PS Heard this today: "We have something the enemies doesnt have...we have HEROES." Thanks to the heroes of the shift, for giving the rest of us courage.