Hi Megha -

Thank you for sharing this dynamic that is coming up for you and what you're picking it up your field.  I feel that my personal experience can speak into what you're sharing.  I'm going to do my best to articulate all that is circling within my being at this time.

The first thing I want to mention is that today is the graduation day of my course on CPTSD.  This course has been illuminating in so many ways for me and it's all coming full circle, especially after reading your post multiple times.  One of the awareness gained from the course is how strong shame is in our lives and how it influences our lives beneath the surface.  I knew shame was a big one for me moving into the course and it's something that I've been unraveling for years within my involvement with Openhand.

Shame keeps people small.

Shame controls.

Shame manipulates.

Shame deceives.

Shame paralyzes.

Shame creates masks.

Shame despises authenticity in others.

Shame hides from the truth.

Shame steals innocence and feeds the darkness.

Shame keeps us from being "ALL IN"

I feel it is a big part of the fabric that binds many of us into this control Matrix.  Our shame keeps us stuck in the old stories that keep running in the background.  I also feel that shame and fear are intricately related with one another, especially in this dynamic that you speak of the Drama Triangle.

Seeing my current unfolding through the Drama Tringle (Victim, Abuser, and Rescuer), I realize and feel that I've played all of those roles once before too.  It has allowed me to see my experience from a bigger picture perspective.  I have greater compassion and empathy for everyone involved.  It's as if this Shame piece needed to be magnified somehow to be addressed, metabolized as you put it.  This is what I feel I've been working with over the past year and a half.  I feel that my shame peaked around that time a year and a half ago.  Many of the things that I feared for many years came to fruition, as if the inner work that I've been engaged with over the years brought this internal shame to the surface to be integrated. The energy feels big and overwhelming at times, but my soul knows that it needs to be processed in order for me to breakthrough and come out the other side. 

I feel that this energy of shame has something to do with the realigning energies of the Tall Whites.  With this being said I feel that people's shame will continue to be magnified through the Shift, getting to a critical point individually and collectively to be broken through and open.  Finding the clarity on the other side and beginning to be more open to what is truly happening in the Shift.  Settling into this "All In" way of being that is necessary as we continue to unfold and evolve.  

As far as sharing about the charismatic leader and the potential new opportunity you've been contemplating and sitting with, I imagine that hearing about his past has helped you make the decision you need to make or not make at this time.  But maybe an older version of you might have suppressed what you truly felt to get the dream location and passion project going.  Continuing the cycle that you speak of in your sharing, it sounds like you're choosing to break that cycle with greater awareness within and without.  Transcending the shame that has bound you into a particular way of being for so long.  The word "Emerging" comes to mind as I write these words. 
 

Thank you for your sharing Megha, it feels like a big Shift and resonates with me deeply.

Leaning into the Shame, to break us open.  I shared a song that has been speaking life into this unfolding experience
 

With love and gratitude,

Chad