Hello

I am not quite certain which gateway I am in, but would guess the pre-awakening or gateway 1. I do still catch myself striving and searching for spirituality instead of being. That is especially true when around many people or at work. It quickly brings me out of beingness and into my mind and racing thoughts. At times my racing thoughts feel so out of control I am on the verge of tears out of frustration. When alone I am better able to allow beingness to unfold and realize how everything is another distortion or attachment to soften into. I am very back and forth-between being and unraveling, and then going back into attachment and worry. I do love observing everything I'm attracting into my life and feeling where my distortions are that have attracted the experiences. When I began doing so, it literally felt like a layer had been peeled away. After which I lost many labels I had owned and identified myself with. It felt as though I had no idea who I was anymore. In some strange way I loved feeling that. :)