Hi Little Sage,

Welcome to Openhand, it's wonderful that you feel to be so open. You are amongst friends, and it may surprise you, that in this family, you are definitely not at all unusual or strange. You have a classic star soul configuration and energy - a soul that has existed for a good deal of time in other constellations and vibrational paradigms. Such souls often struggle to fit in and be accepted here.

Blending is important, but only in order to be functional in a 3D sense. What's most important and most exciting, is when you can fully unleash your gifts into the world in a managed way. By that I mean learning how to contain the energy without suppressing it or denying it; finding ways to express confidently, as and when it feels given and right to do so. This is no small challenge, but one which you 'signed up for' (otherwise, you simply wouldn't be here).

I don't believe you're quite where you think you are though - not between Gateways 3 and 4. Much more likely is between Gateways 2 and 3. I sense that when you left your marriage, this marked the commitment to the soul - the realignment to walking the path of the soul and only that. It sounds strongly like Gateway 2.

But I don't feel lower and higher self are fully integrated yet. You said...

"Right now I often alternate between feeling joy and excitement, so happy to be alive in this time , to feeling crushed by the matrix, frustrated with my challenges with connecting from the heart with language, economically vulnerable, concerned about my ability to support my daughter and myself. I can't go back to the old -- but I'm not yet totally at ease with walking the path never knowing whats next."

This sounds much more like someone getting used to walking the path and confronting inner darkness leading to Transfiguration. In fact we describe this 'roller coaster of emotions' in a similar way in the film.

Perhaps the confusion is happening because of your star soul nature - the fact that you can more easily access higher dimensional experiences than human souls can, and from an early age. But that still doesn't mean you're transfigured - lower and higher self fully integrated.

The challenge now would be, to integrate this higher spiritual awareness into all aspects of your daily life in a grounded way; to work through the density and challenges, finding expressions that work. Over time, this will lead to integration (of lower and higher self) and then transfiguration.

I trust this helps

Open *give_rose*