Hi Eric - greetings and welcome to Openhand 🙏

Sounds like you've had a rich and powerful journey of awakening - well done for making it through thus far.

Clearly, you have a strong personality, with a lot of ego layers -I don't mean that negatively, everyone does, until processed out. Initially there's an awakening to soul, but then the question is, how to embody it, and become it day by day, moment by moment?

Weed may have softened the reactivity of the ego, but all that's doing is suppressing where the soul gets fragmented into the ego. And it's likely to bring entities into your field. So it is not your friend assuming you want to advance.

You said...

I'm tired of havin to figure every darn thing out for myself. This frustration is worse than pain. Oh. I'm punished immediately when i do something wrong.

Figuring it out for yourself IS the nature of the path. Another may offer a reflection, but at the end of the day, you have to learn to walk your own path. No one can do it for you. And no one "punishes you" either - certainly not the divine. You only punish yourself because you're not making decisions that are aligned with your soul. The frustration is the feeling to work into. This is the path to follow, because it shows you where you are resisting the natural path of the soul. That's where to go to work. It's not glamorous. It's not sexy. It's not learning loads of alternative information. It involves commitment and hard work.

Easy it is not. But it is straightforward. You just need to be clear you're ready to do what it takes to advance.
Assuming you are, and wish to gain reflection from Openhand, Breakthrough would be a good place to begin.

I would suggest getting the Breakthrough book and the meditation...
Breakthrough Book
Breakthrough Breathing Meditation

Bright blessings

Open 🙏