Hi Marye,

Well done for sharing. I know these experiences can seem pretty crazy at times, but what you're describing is very aligned with what happens as the soul infuses and integrates inside.

The rollercoaster happens because on the one hand it feels great when new infusions of light bringing soul happen, but then you're also reintegrating fragments that have gotten lost within inner density. As the mainstream of your soul gets stronger, the pull activates more and more of those fragments. But as they activate, they stir up the density that they've gotten stuck within. Suddenly this 'sediment at the bottom of the stream' flushes into your awareness and greatly influences your reality. It's like you've suddenly put on a pair of sunglasses with particularly dense filters in - except not only do you see density, but feel it all around you too.

Yes, the two states can feel like schizophrenia, like your being two different people at time - one is the False Self and one is the True Self. Sometimes there's a mix of both. The key is to keep recognising what is not you in your particular life situations - such as what goes on in the office. If you're not able to process it in the moment it's happening, work to contain the energy (as you admirably did), then later that day, when you're away from work, take some time in meditation and regress yourself back into the situation - see the images, feel the feelings, then express them out into your space.

Allow yourself to be in the density. It may well be karma - seeing and feelings strange event like you describe which feel real, and sometimes horrific. Nevertheless, allow yourself yo go there again. Especially feel into the tightness it creates inside. At the height of the pain, as it becomes almost unbearable, remind yourself the experience is not who you are. Experience is always transient - it comes and goes. However the presence that you are at your core always remains. So look for the presence amidst the intensity - the sense of being the Seer watching the experiences happening. Not detached from them though - actually through the experiences.

Then let your soul break through and emerge from the density - look for the threads of lightness and give attention and expression to those. Such a process could last a couple of hours and go through many cycles over days and weeks. So be patient. And work to balance the intensity with times of softness and lightness too. What brings you joy?

I've explained this process of healing more fully in this article here...
https://www.openhandweb.org/9_Step_Spiritual_Healing_Process_for_dealin…

It may not at times feel like it, but you're doing great. The soul is infusing and integrating. You're evolving and growing. So keep going - awesome!

Much love and support

Open *give_rose*