Hi Open,

This post became a bit longer than I thought at first, but it is a good example of how confronting the ego can break through illusions.

Over the past few 8-9 months, people have mainly disappeared from my life, and in all cases this is a good thing. One example of a profound realization:

There was someone I have been friends with for about fifteen years or so. Back in august or september I tried to tell him about my current life, and decided to start with mentioning being in contact with a group based in Glastonbury. This led to an immediate interruption where I found out he has a very colorful opinion about every single person in Glastonbury. He proceeded to advise me to look up the meaning of the word 'suggestion' and referenced a situation wherein I had been systematically supressed by a narcissist for many years. Why? He was sort of mockingly smiling so I suppose he did it to remind me about my inability to make decisions. It would be much better to listen to his advice. He then took a pen and a piece of paper and asked 'what do these people call themselves?' I was absolutely flabbergasted by this entire response and could only manage a confused 'huh?' When he noticed how dazed I was he put the pen and paper away while saying it was a joke. But it clearly wasn't. If I had mentioned Openhand he would have gone to this site, no doubt to stare at me with wide eyes and advice me on how to proceed in the opposite direction.

There are a number of ludicrous elements in this story.

1. The only thing I had said so far was, loosely translated: 'I've been going through a spiritual growth since about a year which has really taken off when I got into contact with a group in Glastonbury, and now...' this is where the interruption took place.

2. The situation with the narcissist had lasted for many years, of which I had experienced every second since it was my life. All his knowledge is entirely contained within the sentence: there was a situation; there was a narcissist. Based entirely on that global description, he concluded to know way more about everything than myself.

3. Just mentioned Glastonbury was all it took for him to take as much distance from my life as possible while immediately attempting to hold me by the hand and lead me away from the bad place I had wandered off to in my child-like naïvity; after all, there had been a situation with a narcissist so clearly I am acting on impulses and am incapable of understanding the basic concepts of decisionmaking.

Until that moment I was certain there was a mutual respect and because I was so taken unaware, I even continued to tell my story as far as I still could. I don't remember exactly what because it was probably the most uncomfortable conversation ever. But the main theme was how we live from the mind while it is about the how and why of energy interaction. I remember how the reaction basically... wasn't. A blank stare and a meaningless 'ok' here and there. On my way home was when it really struck me what happened, the disrespectful treatment made me angry and I knew our lives where no longer aligned in any way.

I did not have any desire to contact him after that and about two months later I get a message asking me to come by again and watch some movies. I said yes because I wanted to feel what had actually changed. The uncomfortable conversation and anything relating to it was not mentioned, in fact, everything pointed towards it simply being brushed off as inconsequential blabber; I got the impression he didn't even remember it. I was there for about three hours and nothing inside me felt like there was anything worthwhile going on. I did not mention it because I felt no need to. I just left earlier than usual.

One month later I get another message. I already knew he was going to move out of his house but it wasn't yet clear where. He now lives one street away from me. News he was very happy about, and all I could think was: 'oh... great' I felt anxiety but also realizes this was the universe confronting me. Am I going to keep on playing pretend because he now lives close by? I couldn't do that. I knew I had to go through this. But how? Well, the mind was forming all these possible constructs but I resolved to just see what would happen. So my response to the message was 'yes, that is indeed very close by.'

Then after he had settled in came the question if I wanted to go to a nearby pub. This was decision time and I meditated for a while before answering. I wasn't going to lie, I wasn't going to apologize (I've always had the habit of starting off these kind of interactions with 'sorry, but...') Why apologize? I always did that, like there is a need to validate my response or seek approval. So the answer came as simple as it was complete and I send back the message 'no, I don't feel to.' That was it. The response that came back was neutrally worded but clearly indicated offense. I thought, well, I just did that, so whatever this leads to is now out of my hands. It felt quite liberating.

Then on 31st of december came the next and so far last message wishing me a good new year and 'urging' me to contact him more often. Actually based on the wording used, subtly commanding may be a better word... which made me remember, this is the same guy that actually talked about suggestion! My response was 'Happy new year too!'

This was, so far, the last time we were in contact with each other. There is no ending. Nothing is concluded. No actions have been taken. It just is as it is. I hardly even think about him anymore. How is this in his viewpoint? I don't care. Will I run into him? I don't care. Where my ego had spend quite some time working out how to tackle this and what to do and say, in the end, it turned out that NOTHING was all it took to achieve NOTHING. It made me realize how these relationship issues are entirely mind-based and how the idea that a conclusion must be reached and events must take place is just made up. It was a profound realization that will certainly help me in any possible future situation of the same kind.

Soaring off,

LtJ