I've never been good at relationships, not surprisingly given my upbringing. But it hits particularly hard when one realizes just how distorted and dysfunctional their needy, demanding and unwanted behaviour is. Last night I dreamed someone came and sat by me on the bus and, uninvited, and started chattering about their problems when I just wanted to enjoy the ride on my own, quietly. Long story short, if people are our mirrors, I was reminded that I do the very same thing to those I see as having something I want and need, like emotional support and validation just to name a couple. Sort of like a cuckoo, a word which is also apropos. Granted this behaviour is a survival mechanism I took on as a child when my needs couldn't be met at home, but it's time for it to stop.

Suddenly I remember all the times in the dreamtime I've sought out someone I wanted to connect with, without first seeing if they wanted the same thing. And those are just the ones I remember. The hubris to decide that 'I want that so I'll just go and take it without consent.', like a parasite. An energy vampire. It's taken me till now to see this. And the added humiliation when even their partners have to come in and block me from being a pest. It's mortifying to realize you're like that. But better late than never, and to see the opportunity, and urgent need, to finally gain control of ones behaviours. Not just when I'm awake, but especially in the dreamtime.

I would be deeply grateful for any insight into getting control of this behaviour, and finally learning to choose myself fully without needing anyone else. Thank you🙏

P.S. I realize after submitting this, that I already have insight into transcending this from the OH work, and thats presence. It also brings to mind when I dabbled in lucid dreaming (I always seem to be dabbling, never really committing) and learned the technique of continuously bringing focus to the moment while reminding oneself that you are awake, and will be aware when you are dreaming. It's how to control myself, remind myself of boundaries when I"m dreaming that will especially need work.