These are tremendous explorations and inquiries about relationships going on Michele - clearly you're directly confronting the challenges that need to be processed. It's not about trying to gain some perfection in the engagements. If we're courageous enough to find and honour the question, embrace the grey areas we don't know, but then work into them with vulnerability, then we'll forge a different relationship to the situation, and the people in it.

You said...

If I have created relationship to rattle the cage, when does that stop? Or is it that I stop perceiving it as rattling?

For far too long, many have suppressed and buried the truth about how they feel, due to fear of creating disharmony. Or being cast out. Or that it's not love. These are typical Sirian traits, that have been preyed upon by the Intervention - to keep people limited.

It ends up with relationships that are conditional - "I'll accept you, but only if you're like this. I love you, but only if you don't rock the boat." If you want these kinds of insincere and flawed relationships, then you'll get the outcomes that always bind you into limitation. And you don't get the relationships you derserve or truly love being in.

But what if we dare to speak the truth about how we feel?
What if we dare to be, do, and express, who we truly are?
What if we clearly state the boundaries of what we will or won't accept?

If you dare to continually make this statement about yourself, and require those around you to honour them, then the relationships change. Some people will fall away - which, we have to learn to accept. There's no point retaining these conditional relationships anyway. Others will change how they are with you. And other people will come, who're able to be more authentic with you. Those who'll accept you entirely as you now are.

My biological parents couldn't handle the truth about what I experienced in the car crash that changed my life. In their eyes, I was going crazy. But I wouldn't tolerate anything less than being who I was. It meant we had to withdraw from each other for some time. Until that is, they came to accept me as I was, who I was. It's was quite astounding to witness quite rigid, elderly people, actually changing. They became less judgmental and more accepting. They still maintained their truth, but they allowed the space for mine. They respected me. Thus, the relationships could continue.

In short, you get the relationships your soul deserves, because you've been courageous enough to demand that. And to settle for nothing less.

An example of the approach I'm speaking of is this:

Let's say someone is always projecting at you and getting frustrated with you. And you've grown past the point of tollerating the negative energy. You could make a clear statement: "I don't tolerate people projecting and getting angry with me. I won't get into a row with you. Go away, until you're calm enough to engage in a civil manner." And even if they refuse to leave, you can disengage. It's a powerful way to end all rows. But it does require courage to carry out. Because you can't predict what the other will do. You're stepping into the unknown. But now you're making a clear statement of what is, and is not, acceptable. Now you're defining something about the nature of the relationships you deserve, and want to be in. You're determining that. Insisting on it.

It's about being honest and authentic in who we are. And requiring that from those around us. Being prepared to challenge at the risk of uncomfortable situations.

Now you get the truth. People will respect you. And some will truly come to love you. It's because in defining yourself, and what is acceptable for you, above all, you're expressing genuine love for yourself. And now this manifests as reflections into the outer.

Well wishes
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