It’s truly amazing how although many might have a soul felt desire to be at peace with our current situations, we play the best possible, the most ludicrous and self defeating unaccepting avoidance ‘’separation’’ games we can ever play, addictively ,dogmatically (or at least our egos do)- playing God i.e………This isn’t how it should be, this is how it should be , why is this happening , how can I change it, how can I make it better, how can I climb out ? etc……

We can forgive ourselves. Perhaps in this way, forgive the masses who don't want to awaken for their futile distractions or games they convince themselves with because of fear to face self or their own pain..... In this way we can feel empathy, yes...... even for the ones bringing on the pain...and work through the layers, our own distortions/judgemnets of what we find excruciatingly irritating and dishonest about others........

It’s like reality should be everything which it IS NOT. I seem to have a real difficulty in accepting reality as it is, because it feels often as far away from the divine as I think it ‘’should be’’, and I am being really totally honest with myself and finally am fully flat on facing the GAPS I have created,or perhaps which the flow has unfolded out for me to work through ther disharmonies, totally resisted between me and ‘’life’’. It’s a fatigue, atotal surrender, a feeling of slipping spiralling downwards, descending, a feeling of no longer fighting, a place of total vunerability, transparency- if I saw an exit would I run this time …… ? I am not so sure.

It’s a dark place to reside because I am seeing things as they are and at each point I am observing my own escapes and resisting them at each point which of course makes me face the ‘’reality’even more. I don’t know why I have had such a problem with facing reality, perhaps because as it is can sometimes seem impossible to master, I even wonder if I am giving up.

Bur I know from here only’’ change’’ can take place, I know avoidance, distraction is useless. It does seem like there is so much glamour in whatever form whether spiritual or mindful is crazy.

I was feeling the taste of the void this day, total peace, total acceptance, total stillness, silence-indeed the noise was a distraction and yes I understand the bliss to be a distraction- I had a feeling of totally emerging into the moment, totally becoming one with the moment/ situation.

Totally emerging, accepting . The density totality drains my sense of physicality. Infact sometimes I wonder if I have been a ghost hovering around my own body, never fully emerging embodying…….(sounds a little strange I know)_

So here is what I learned today and how this article has progressed for me without efforting, it just happened as I let go.
That there is a STABILITY in this ''emerging into the void'' and that most of the time as we avoid, disengage from, jump out of ,''fill in the gaps'' wish for something more desirable, i.e existence, or not accept, we throw ourselves off balance, separate ourselves from ‘’what is’’…….. We choose to be separated. Infact we choose to disengage from the divine and only taste bits of it in our separation and again play God with our ego........ it si totally foolish.

WE create GAPS from ourselves and LIFE.Gaps from our true divinity And that is where the divine is residing. It isn't supposed to be easy.

I just have noted the craziness of it. So for me what I am learning is what is is what is irrevocably what is happening and that is the only option i.e reality, there are no should be’s anymore. Only a realisation of merging and uniting with what is. No matter how painful, no matter how much it may make us feel defeated and let down.

Within all dualities we play with, it is forever there.-One ultimate and indivisible reality . So when we merge with what is, taste our own death, touch the void and breathe life perhaps, just maybe the gaps will be closed and change can take place.

‘’Merge and unite with what is ‘’ Adyashanti

Gratitude for this article Open and how it has progressed for me at a soul level . As for working on being fully conscious, there is only one choice to wake up, accept what ''is'', no matter how dark and be gentle with ourselves as we emerge deeper and deeper into the forest and mist and soemhow how develop full trust that it will dissolve and carry us though exactly as it's meant to, just as a wave in the ocean, but with some idea of where we want to go and what we want to achieve.