So. Orions.

I feel Universe has been trying to tell me something here for a while now. First, some time around the Breakthrough seminar in September last year, I came across the book "El An Ra - The Healing of Orion" on the open bookshelf at the supermarket. I felt pulled to take it with me, even though most of me scoffed and though: What load of crap. Still, I followed the pull, because, hey, open bookshelf, it's for free, and the worst that can happen is it gathers dust on my bookshelf for a while, right?

It did, until one day I just grabbed it and started reading. It starts with the description of how this warrior-race conquers Orion and wipes out its inhabitants; then, when they are settled, they trap a higher dimensional being to become the queen for their king. Only she is too pure and compassionate to ever submit, so they twist and manipulate her until she becomes a heartless, power-hungry creature, and at that point I had to stop reading because I was judging her so hard - why couldn't she hold out, she should have held out - and I don't need the book telling me "this is your story" to know that this is hitting close to home. But I just couldn't keep reading at that point.

So Universe tried again: When I came back home from the 5Gateways seminar in January, I felt pulled to read Divinicus, and - ignoring the part of me that screamed I hadn't finished Breakthrough yet - I did. My reaction to the description of healing the Greys in that book was similar to Aspasia's: Tears welled up, and I felt my inside ring like a struck bell, and it rang with the sound of YES. THAT. Still, I flinched back from and told myself that I had to work on other things first.

And because three times is the charm: Last week I saw this guy on the train, reading a novel from the warhammer series, and from where I was peeking at his book, it seemed the title was Orion.

I feel as though the next step is me stumbling and crashing headfirst into a blinking, flashion neon sign spelling out ORION. On the other hand, I mean, I've been asking Universe "Could you kind of hit me over the head with these things please, so that I really don't miss them?" I suppose a "warhammer" fits the bill...

So the next morning during mediation time, when I scanned my field and noticed the areas of tightness, and the thought of "hey, you've got Greys" arose, I went in search of them. Sinking deeper, poking closer, and suddenly it felt as though something clicked, and I could see/feel them standing there, two of them, slightly behind my left shoulder. And I felt... something from them, and remembering Divinicus, I tried to communicate that it was okay now, the time was here, they could drop the energy suits.

Again something clicked, and suddenly this yearning arose inside of me, of rising up and going home and dissolving into the light. It was so strong, and for a moment I was confused, because while I know this feeling, it's never been so strong before. Took me a while to realise that maybe it wasn't my own yearning but theirs.

So I tried to show them how I do it, going inside and up, but it felt blocked, like, I could feel the "up", it was there, but just out of reach. And I stopped myself from reaching and tried sinking, finding the veil inside of me that hide the way, but I couldn't find it. I kept getting blocked.

And then programming kicked in and told me I had to rush to get ready to go to work.

Later on the train I thought about what I'd experienced, and suddenly, strongly, there was the impression that I know them, I know these two Greys, or rather, the souls. Crying on a train full of commuters without giving a fig about who might notice takes some practise.

And in the wake of that the thought arose of, Hey, maybe they're still here for a reason, maybe the reason I couldn't connect them wasn't because I did anything wrong, but because I need to do something else first? Something I need them to be there, here, in my field for?

Um. So.

Typing this all down really helps. Now that I have put it out, it feels as though I know, at some level, why and what and how. Um. Maybe? I just know there is something, some knot of... something, and I really, really, really do not want to go there.

Okay. Um. Maybe I need more time? Approach slowly? Or... just get used to this... sensation first?

Or am I playing the avoidance game again?

Gonna go make myself another cup of tea and sit with this for a while.