Hi Open,

Yes I am resistant to the 3D world. There has always been something off that I cannot put my finger on. Not just the spiritual vs material world so to speak, more like a missing piece that I do not even have knowledge of. As there is nothing that I feel drawn to I often wonder why I am even still here. I have on many occassions informed the universe that I wouldn't mind leaving here even if it meant not ascending. That's how fed up I'm with this place. Else to show me anything for clarity, but I see none. There is no overwhelming sense of ending it but the general idea of having to fill 99% of my time without meaning is pervasive. Occasionaly I do something energetic that feels related to the planet or even solar system. There is no sense of grandeur to it, it just is; When it comes to energy work, the word that would best describe it all together is: stabilisation. Energy comes in and needs to be stabilised, or has been disrupted and needs to be stabilised. But due to the scale of it, there is a sense of abandonment related to that as it does not happen very often and the other 99% of the time I am just filling time, without anything that speaks to my soul. It makes me feel as if I am just discarded for that 99% of the time, just hanging around until I'm needed and not even a general sense of how to be soul aligned in that period.

Also no options when it comes to changing career. I keep getting rejected because of 'not having the right profile' even when it comes to some jobs where it's quite a stretch to say that someone needs to have experience. Income wise I 'should' have been getting a job this month because next month the money will be gone, but there is no sense of urgency or panic to this, just like earlier this year but this time I am not sure if it is a knowing that it will again work out at the last moment or if it's me being resistant because everything points to me going back into the same job again.

When something major happens in meditation or facilitation everything just goes back to how it was within a few days; it was just me feeling good for a short time and then everything remains how it was. I often skip morning meditation nowadays because even that feels like its just me going through a routine and makes me angry at myself. Why keep up the charade, why align and cleanse the chakras if there are clearly no results? That is the general feeling of my life at this moment.