When I first met Chris Bourne he was a charasmatic and heart led warrior, an ex-soldier then a dotcom businessman who had found spirituality. He was exploring every aspect of his spiritual enquiry with the same gusto as I imagine he took to every area of his life. He’d started running spiritual day work shops and asked me to run the fire-walks, which he wanted to include. As someone who went away to sea at the age of 18, I was used to being in a macho world, so I loved his entertaining stories, though I did notice he was so full of himself he didn’t have time for any of mine, which to my ego, would have been just as entertaining, if not more so ;-)

The other thing I noticed was an energy that emanated from him when we would sit in front of his log fire and he would introduce me to spiritual concepts like nothing I had ever contemplated before. He seemed like a maestro, but how could someone who’d walked such a short spiritual path be such a master? I mean I’d been at it for years and had some pretty good teachers, he seemed to have some kind of direct line to the "Answer Sheet in the Mystery School Exams".

Sometimes Chris’s experiences were so powerful, they were destabilising and I wondered how he managed this and so many other things. I didn’t understand, but I was compelled to be part of that journey, for the spring I was drinking from, seemed to flow with a real purity. As time passed, greater clarity appeared for Chris, he mastered everything that was thrown at him, or nearly everything. I was shown early on, by Benevolence, that he had an achilles heel. I realised in that moment, that to be such a powerful messenger, meant you would be under sustained attack, your message and you would be derailed at every opportunity. I didn’t then understand the complexity of what would transpire, but I got the take home message, and knew in my heart I would be vigilant.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am an earthy being, not given to daily visions or reading other worldly energies. So when I share these things I am revealing my truths, which have sustained me through many a turmoil, they are highly personal and not previously shared. Because these messages come but infrequently, they are very powerful and I find them unmistakeable. In those days I was new to these levels of activity and felt quite blown away.

So what of Chris's great spiritual inspirations?

At the beginning of our friendship, he was exploring things he was experiencing as "Gateways"; he’d only discovered 3 back then, and as usual I didn’t really know what the heck he was on about. Over the fullness of time, I came to experience them for myself, before his 5 Gateways book was written. Living the experience of those created a kind of impatience for the next one to arrive, alternating with a kind of hopelessness of: “it’ll never happen”! Such is the impatience of ego, ha,ha,ha. As the years passed, I noticed more and more how Chris was always moving forward at a seemingly Concorde style speed with deep and meaningful realisations, which came from exploring everything to the Nth degree. Not just checking perspectives and living the experience, but finding suitable language to express these concepts. I was in awe! I realised that when I couldn’t grasp it, felt skeptical, just plain flummoxed, then if I waited long enough, the universe would reveal its most profound messages to me through my own personal experience. That the real gift of Openhand, was that I could recognise the truth I was being shown, and could integrate it more readily, because of my introduction to the concept.

One of the stories Chris had told me was of how he believed he had had a Walk-In experience. I couldn’t really relate to it; he was already quite enough of a handful as a friend without adding any other layers! I chose to let it go, as it didn’t seem to have any relevance to my life. Some years later, I was sitting in the dining room of the then Openhand Retreat House in Glastonbury. I was living there as manager and it was next door to Chris and Trinity's family home, which when utilised together, joining the beautiful gardens, made the most loving and safe space for guests to come and unravel in the Openhand way. So with the morning sun shining through the windows, warming and illuminating the golden oak floor, the patio door slid open and in walked Chris, barefoot, as usual. "Hi, I wondered if you had a minute, there’s something I‘ve been contemplating?” I briefly wondered what jaw dropping complexity was about to land in my lap, or maybe it was just going to be about something simple, like what colour to paint the garage door?

“OK", I said. “Well I’ve had this feeling for a while and I don’t think I can live with it, I feel like a fraud.” Blank reaction from me. “I need to come out”, he added. My mind is now doing somersaults and back flips. Chris Bourne, ex green beret, father of two, husband of Trinity is telling me he’s gay????? We’re sitting opposite each other on dining chairs, Chris with his legs stretched out in front of him, we’re just looking at each other. Eventually I say, “What do you mean?” He explains…. He’s really “Open”, the name given to, or felt into by the Walk-In. He’s not Chris and he feels he needs to tell everybody. He’s in a dilemma, because while exploring it with Trin, she doesn’t agree. I can feel the weightiness of the exploration, the pause, holding the two possibilities. As to whether Chris is Open or not, I have no idea. What to say? I dive deep into myself and find what is always my own inner guide. It is simply, “Be True to Thyself”. I look at my old and sometimes mysterious friend, and I say, “Are you sure this is your truth?” “Yes” is the reply. “And you understand what might be the ramifications of declaring that?” “Yes” again. "Then if its your truth, what else is there to be done?”

Yet another unexpected start to the day, but too much to be done getting ready for the next course, which would involve a sweatlodge, to spend much time dwelling on it. After the course, Chris comes round to tell me that indeed he is now Open, that the two souls had been co-existing together since the “Walk-In” and now he clearly felt Chris leave during the lodge. He’d like to be called Open from now on. I’m not sure how I feel about that, he looks the same, walks and talks just the same, but is totally serious and had already told me he was feeling this arising for him. I consult Ben, who is a very sensitive empath, he says he’s comfortable with calling him Open as far as he’s concerned; his vibration has very much changed. As I contemplate how Chris has evolved over the years, I can see how two souls in tandem in a body, makes sense, a Walk-in from another dimension would have to take a while to get his earthly understandings up to speed. I use the new name, but it isn’t easy.

Some months later, I wake up overwhelmed with grief, I can't stop crying, my knowing is: “I miss Chris”. I realise a deep soul knowing has risen to the surface; that I have experienced the passing of a close friend. Once dressed, I open the front door, still tearful. Coming towards me is Open, he often appears just at the right time. I say between the tears, "I can’t work today, I miss Chris, I have to spend some time alone”. Open agrees I should honour that. I headed towards a windswept part of the Somerset coast bordered by the Bristol Channel. I have been there many times, I lived close by for 6 months and would collect driftwood for burning on my fire and for making collages. I once said my Goodbyes to a special lady, and saw her soul represented by a swan flying out towards the horizon while her special message to me was written in the clouds. It was also the place where I had a special experience with one of Chris’s early teachings. He’d talked about catching the rugby ball when it was thrown to you, picking up the challenge of your role in life.

Soon after, there I was on the perimeter of this beach, confronted by a rugby ball all by itself, perched on top of a sand dune tussock. A kind of “Here you are” from the Universe. As I stood in front of it, I felt a great fear - could I even dare to pick it up? What if I wasn’t up to the challenge? What if I couldn’t help anyone else? What if I couldn’t withstand the forces that set out to thwart? I couldn’t move. Just then, I heard a great whooshing sound, coming through the air, it sounded like helicopter blades starting up. I looked up and there was the most massive flock of swans I’ve ever seen, all taking off together, previously hidden by a dip in the field they were in; they were all whooshing towards me. I watched them come, and like a great host of Angels, their snow white wings passed over my head. The message was clear, “You are not alone”, you will always be helped to carry the load”.

Such profound perfection and beauty speaks directly to the Soul. So that morning, it felt like the go-to place to say Goodbye to Chris. I walked towards the beach and almost straight away saw a kestrel, one of Chris’s most profound messengers. "Is that you, Chris, are you here?" Straight away my eye catches sight of something tiny on the far horizon, its something I’ve never noticed before, yet I’ve been there so many times. It's Glastonbury Tor, I have my confirmation straight away, in my mind they are almost interchangeable, Chris and the Tor, he spent hours up there, he encountered so many revelations there, the Tor is synonymous with Chris for me.

So we dialogue a while, I thank him for all the understandings he gave me, so many special memories. All the fun, the work and the realisations. He gives me a special gift from the beach and as I turn round to go, the blue sky is filled with white crosses. I remember a phone call years ago, after one of our earliest fire walks, the next morning I walked out my back door and all I could see was white crosses in the sky, on the phone Chris was laughing and calling me "so slow”, his favourite tongue in cheek laugh at my expense. "Don’t ya get it? it’s kisses from the universe, good job!!” This time I knew it was goodbye kisses from my dearest friend. Even then, the immeasurable magic of the Universe, and interdimensional exchange, wasn’t quite over. When I got home I fished a leaflet out of my bag, which I must have picked up some time before. I was surprised and delighted to see a face just like Chris's beaming at me, with his raised hand proposing a toast. Very special.

So I gradually came to see Open really was Open. Its a bit like hearing the consciousness of the earth has ascended, it might have been marked by a particular date. But its a journey, that unfolds over time, not everything is clear as it happens, in human time and consciousness there are all kinds of tweaks of perspective, adjustments of consciousness and clarities that land over a broader period. It was all perfect: Chris’s work was complete delivering the 5 Gateways book; Open had the history of the human race and other things ahead of him to access and deliver a fuller picture of humanity’s spiritual nature. So for me, it wasn’t a case of believing someone else's story, it was living my life and watching the revelations land in their own time. In letting go of my grief, I realised that indeed I have been privileged to meet, and be party to a special karmic arrangement, a Soul exchange, sanctioned to bring much needed guidance for those who have eyes to see and ears to listen.

Lesley