Aunty Angel - I am feeling you over here on the other side of the world. Doesn't Life just throw us what we need to expand into? It makes a body wonder why it has to be so hard, though...
I so resonated with what you said "All that and waves of grief about an identity being challenged. The identity of 'the lap' - the mother the holder of the protected space." From the time our children are born, we provide 'the lap' - the protected space for them. And then they are gone, and our laps are empty. Who are we then?
And when we finally start to figure it out, the 'children' still long for the lap - and it isn't there the way it used to be for them. They are, as you say 'life's longing for itself'... and in the letting go, we find a piece of ourselves and some peace for ourselves.
Sending you much love - and tuning into the 'tribe' on this final approach to a newer year.
Jan xo