Hi Open, Thank you for the article!

I have felt like a misfit all my life but I could never understand why.

Today morning I had an image of a group of people quite caught up in the matrix but still having a great time. Frolicking, fighting, suffering, aspiring and working for their ambitions, communicating... I could feel they were in the matrix but were still having a great time. I could feel an invisible energy feeding them and I could also feel that the invisble energy was not feeding me (and possibly not feeding other misfits as well).

I tried putting myself in the shoes of one of the person's in the group. I could feel an interest in the stock and property markets. An orientation towards wordly achievements, a little bit of one-upmanship, but also helping and supporting others. Sometimes with genuine care and sometimes because the ego felt better. But there was something else. An energy of belonging. It had a certain quality of nourishment. As if I was being held by the web. And then I realized that the bickering of people that I often found so confusing also had a quality of nourishing and belonging to it.

It seems like this is this energy that sustains the matrix. If someone tries to break away from it, they are immediately weaned energetically. And it feels confusing and exhausting.

Going off at a slight tangent - I was reading something about brainwave states yesterday. There is a theory which suggests that infants from the age of 0 - 6 have a Theta brainwave state ( 4 - 7 cycles). In this state, a person is like a sponge. That is why infants learn so fast. They observe and absorb everything in their environment - including patterns of all the people in their environment who are very much part of the matrix.

This is a huge challenge for souls who are different. Because the challenge is not limited to feeling confused in a strange society but it may also include (it has for me) feeling confused about their own reactions to situations. I have felt it so many times. I respond in a certain way and it immediately hits me - I am not like this, but why am responding in this way? Then I sit with it and can sometimes identify the person from my early environment who had this pattern. Another downside of not being a misfit is that I am not nourished by the 'Belonging Energy'. So I need to find my own authentic source of nourishment.

I find that it can be quite a challenge to deal with all these fronts at the same time (being a misfit, trying to undo the patterns of childhood, and trying to find my authentic source of nourishment and the other challenges of day to day life). But the most challenging is undoing childhood patterns because they seem to distort my authentic movement - which is the hardest to deal with.

Thanks Parag