Hi Open,
Yes it helps, thank you. After I wrote before it came to me that "this is that perfection issues again". UGH!! After reading what you shared it brings up a deep sense of pain and wanting to distract myself from that but wanting to go into it more at the same time. It also feels like working with multiple things at once. Addictions, patterns and conditioned behaviorisms and how it feels to not get it right and how to be with those feelings as well. I have been working with feeling the need for an outcome and letting go. It's really a big sticky mess for me. A wheel that keeps going round and round, having to repeatedly let go over and over again.
What else is there though. Going to be with all this.
With love,
Kim:)