Open, thank you so much for this article. I do believe I am in the midst of a spiritual initiation and it is so challenging. I am feeling lost, confused and afraid.

I am dealing with health issues – toxins in my body caused maybe by my environment and maybe by my diet. I have been on so many restrictive diets over the years with my weight going up and down to extremes. I am afraid to eat! I do have a doctor that I like and we are working on it, and I have an appointment with a dietitian tomorrow. So I do have hope.

Maybe an even bigger issue is that I feel lost as to my purpose in life. I have a good job that I’ve worked all my life to attain. I make good money, I work from home. I am told that I am fortunate. Yet I can’t seem to get motivated to apply myself, to focus on the work and to enjoy it. I work for a few hours a day and then feel guilty that I didn’t work more. I feel that the work I do is not my true calling. But I am not sure what my true calling is. And even if I knew for sure what it was, I don’t feel I have the means and the support to pursue it. I worry that, as Open says above, if I don't persist, the window of opportunity will close, and it can take time to reconfigure and re-open. Then I’ll just stay stuck in this world that I find myself in – which makes me feel like Phil Connors in Groundhog Day. I keep telling myself to learn from this movie and embrace it, every part of it! But then I don’t, I stay stuck in my resentment, blame and fear. Sometimes I feel that I may go crazy from this torture!

I have so many things to do, so many things to take care of. Yet I feel stuck and ineffective at everything. I don’t know what to do next and nothing feels good. I feel pulled in too many different directions. I feel that I accomplish very little and what I do accomplish feels half-assed. I feel like I’m wasting time, wasting my life. I worry that my attitude is creating more of the same. I also worry that my dissatisfaction with life and my complaining affects my husband in a negative way.

However, this article, its suggestions for managing the process, and all of the posts here have helped a lot. I see that I am not alone, that you all understand and have experienced your own versions of this challenge. I thank you for being there and for sharing your stories and your challenges so that I may better understand my own.

I do not know when and how I will completely follow the pull of my soul, but I do know that I will not give up! I will not go back! I will keep confronting the barriers and honoring the pain. I will keep trusting, reaching out and listening for my divine guidance. I will keep doing my best, as Open puts it, to be who I fucking well am!

Love,
Cheryl