Hi Cheryl,

Firstly my heart goes out to you. I know that many will be able to empathise with what you're experiencing

It feels like a lot of what you're encountering are self-judgements and self-blame - feeling not worthy. Have you had various people putting you down in life? Especially from a young age?

The judgments you share sound quite embedded at the level of mind - which although strong, are just programs and not who you really are. So the key is to work to get to know yourself more as a feeling. Not trying to shut the thought processes down necessarily, but to shift focus and feel more the sense of yourself. Also what kind of things are you doing when you feel good? When you feel plain right? Do these kinds of things as much as possible and feel that sense of rightness as much as you can.

This sense of rightness leads ultimately to something we call the Sacred Ground of Being. It becomes the mast in the storm, and when you can regularly connect with it, then it becomes possible to pick apart all the mental judgments. So I would suggest beginning there - feeling more into the sense of rightness of self. I'd also advise working with one of the Openhand facilitators on it. If you'd like a suggestion as to who to work with, email us: admin@openhandweb.org

You are not alone!

Open