Reading The Divinicus Book
Chapter 15 - The Ascension of Gaia. On p118 Open describes an earlier experience he had whereby…
“I recalled the much younger Gaia incarnating, but was shocked to the core, by the immense gravitational forced that she was having to endure. It was like the intense weight of her, was now crushing and condensing me into the floor. The pain was excruciating, my mind whirling like being stuck inside a giant washing machine. This was Hell!”
I could read no further. At the moment my eyes touched upon the words, ‘...Gaia incarnating,’ my body jerked and tightened, emotion surged through me and came out as uncontrollable sobs of fear and panic. As I put the book down, the memory of my worst life experience was back in an instant.
Over the past ten years I have on three separate occasions, experienced something beyond all my worst imaginings yet have managed to push it back, unwilling to deal with it. Unable to understand how it was linked to my everyday life or spiritual development. And unwilling to think about it for fear the memory would cause the experience to return in its original form. Until I read those words today.
It feels important to me that I try to share how intolerable this ‘thing’ is, but I know it’s impossible with words. All I can do is say that I have been through stuff in life that has pushed me to the very limits physically, emotionally and spiritually, yet all of these events are as nothing in comparison.
The ‘thing’ (have no other words to relate to it) always happened at night. I would wake up with no memory of having had a bad dream (unusual, as I always had a clear memory of any nightmares); the sheer panic, the terror, of being compressed beyond all imagining. Intolerable for a human to witness and experience, I just cannot describe in words with any realism. I could not bear it. Even more than the physical feeling of being bodily compacted, worse was the energetic or spiritual sense of being forced, contained in an impossible, unendurable, incommensurate space. I wanted to end my life in that instant.
I have never believed in ‘madness.’ Having worked in secure units with mental health patients, I maintained that no person’s thoughts or behaviour were ‘mad’ - the observer just couldn’t see or feel things from the patient’s viewpoint. But during my experience of that ‘thing,’ I was actually deranged. I felt it intensely, and I wanted to end my human existence as I couldn’t tolerate the experience of compression and madness for even a split second. Each time, I would tear off my clothes and jewellery in a desperate effort to ease it.
The reason I am still here today is that I somehow managed to distract myself from the experience of that thing. I say ‘I somehow managed,’ as if it were some personal feat, although I know there is obviously another intervention at play. After a couple of seconds the ultimate intensity would fade, although the sheer terror remained for a few minutes… I can look back and see that some kind of calming, or even ‘forgetting’ was being applied to me in some way. While it has helped me to carry on living this life, I’m not sure if this intervention is Benevolent or otherwise. Although as the fearful event has happened on three separate occasions, I’m in no doubt that ‘something’ is out there waiting for future processing.
Today, I’m left with questions…is the experience a signpost showing that just myself, or possibly all humans share a similar birthing trauma, based on a sense of compaction and imprisonment of Spirit energy into Form? Do other people have similar experiences?
Thank you, Wendy.
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Integrate what you need to from the experience
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Hi Wendy,
Whether you know the details of how and why, actually matters not a great deal. What does matter is to go deeply into the feeling and explore it till it holds you no longer. Then it will subside; you'll integrate what you need to from it, upon which, you can truly let it go.
Blessings
Open
Gut feeling
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Dear Open,
If what you are saying is true (true for me) then I do actually trust that when the time is right, I will find the courage, or leap of faith to dive into the experience and will come out smiling at the other end!
However, I just have this little niggle concerning the unusual way in which I’ve been distracted each time from this intolerable memory and the accompanying wish to end my life. With other life traumas (the usual stuff people go through), sometimes it takes me quite a while, or least a day or two, to process things or let it go, and I feel that is the normal or average way of things. And these experiences are nowhere near as terrifying as the memory of being trapped and compressed. Also there is a definite feeling of being trapped and panicking. For example, it’s not like when I had past life regression years ago and recalled the terror of being buried alive – I processed that relatively quickly.
I’ve always had this little niggle that it isn’t Benevolence that is suppressing this particular memory, just a gut feeling. And recently I’ve started coming across articles about a ‘soul net.’ The various narratives can be summed up as a process whereby human souls are tricked into reincarnating by a false ‘light’, by archons or alien races etc. I’m wondering if my memory could be related to this, rather than the ‘total embodiment’ process you refer to?
Thank you, Wendy.
Golden opportunities
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I think what you've described many people have experienced but then shut out. Yet the trauma is still contained within.
I incarnated somewhat unusually as a soul exchange, and retained the sense of relativity between expanded and contracted states, so it's in my consciousness. In many ways, I absolutely love the physicality of life - but I also know what it truly means to be in a physical body - that it's quite limiting aswell. The density pulls you in. For me, my soul yearns to keep breaking through, back to the more expanded state I know as my home.
But you do have to go back through the density, back through the trauma to truly get there. Otherwise the expansion is limited and 'held back' from what it could be.
I often observe - and say to people - 'that they are not truly in the body'. They'll often look at me quizzically. But you can't be fully in, until your karma has all been processed. The karmic layer distracts you from total embodiment. That's why the 5th Gateway is called "The Resurrection" - it's when you fully come into your body. It's then that any final trauma of physicality for example is felt.
To clear this pain, is to regress into it. Then it doesn't hold you anymore. I know that may sound paradoxical to some; but imagine there's something you're afraid of, you don't know what it is, it just stops you from fully experiencing you. So subtly you keep avoiding it, thinking that's the best way to handle it - push it away. But this becomes an internal struggle, which one day you acknowledge and then surrender into. You feel the fullness of it as you dive in. But then as you're fully immersed, suddenly your fear bursts; the identification with it bursts. You break through. And the breaking through is like no other experience you've known before - total empowerment and liberation.
That's why it's important to encourage and help people to regress into their limitations. In fact, they're golden opportunities!
Open
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