Seeming Contradiction Between Embracing Discipline vs Being Fearlessly Open

And there ya go! You’re right; I’m getting caught up in the minor details of the “leaves,” which is blinding me to the greater “forest.” I don’t need to understand all that crap. Just DO IT! It’s walking off that cliff.

Thank you Eddie! Thank you for extending me that branch!! The fact that you’ve been dealing with the same thing makes me feel better, too!

Big Hugs!
Jen

Awesome answers! Much to contemplate!!

Thank you for your reply Eddie — I think in addition to being Treebrother, you might also be my “ego-brother,” given your own experience with the ego!

I think there are two things here that I am coming away with. One is what Open talks about, which is the higher flow versus the lower flow, and trying to align with the higher flow. Aspasia highlights very eloquently how this works when it comes to food (thank you, Aspasia!!). In aligning with the higher flow, and connecting with All, consuming animal products simply isn’t an option. Eating consciously becomes Right Action from Knowing. I can’t say I’m where I feel deep Knowing yet, but I am definitely receiving signs and synchronicities which are pulling me to eating consciously. And truly, eating consciously is the greater issue for me, beyond just eating for my own health.

The second thing that I am getting out of this is that maybe I’m not understanding willpower versus the ego — what Eddie touches upon in his reply (or maybe it’s terminology — willpower vs will?). I use to be Ray 1 dominant, in a distorted way, and now I have backed off of that and am Ray 2 dominant, but in a distorted way. This is where I am now, mired in the Ray 2 distortions of being self-dissolving, unmotivated, lacking inspiration, ineffectual. So when Open talked about embracing Will and Commitment at the recent Gateway5 retreat, that hit me and totally resonated. This is exactly what is needed so as to move in the direction of balancing Rays 1 and 2. I have been feeling very motivated, with strong intent and lots of willpower, to commit myself to seeking balance. But like I said, now I’m wondering if this is consistent with the spirit of what Open was trying to convey at the retreat?? It does feels like ego is stepping in to play where willpower is concerned… Am I understanding what it means to embrace Will??

All of this brings me back to my original question. In re-evaluating what I was trying to ask, here’s another way of approaching it. There is this seeming paradox when it comes to learning how to open up to and better align with the higher flow. My old patterns of behavior (before waking up to walk this spiritual path) relied principally upon using the ego to strive while looking to external sources for expertise — this is my old low-density comfort zone that I’m trying to leave. So, paradoxically, I now find myself using my ego in getting external input from others so that I can learn how to not get external input from others; so that I can instead turn inwards for my answers. This is because I’m still in this transitional phase where I’m not exactly plugged into the higher flow consistently enough to be reliably getting guidance and Knowing from the higher flow. In addition to this, one of my reactions to having lived focused within the distortions of Ray 1, has been to want to reject seeking answers externally to me. The answers I am referring to are all these spiritually-related instructions “out there” in books and on the internet, as to how to meditate, how to raise your vibrational level, and in the wider scheme of spiritual literature — how to live by the Laws of the Universe, how to awaken and/or open your 3rd eye, how to access the akashic records, how to deal with negative beings/implants, how to work with energy, etc., etc. I’ve bailed on trying to do most of this stuff and am focusing mostly on the core of what Open is teaching. But still, I’m trying to open myself up, so that I can seek answers internally, yet I’m lapsing back to old patterns and going back to all this external how-to material. In wanting to bail on these old patterns of mine, it leaves me wondering why can’t one just let go of it all -- the you should do "this, this and that" (in particular, external how-to instructions) -- and just do whatever? I’ll note, that in trying to actually take this route, this is what has contributed to my being mired in the distortions of Ray 2… Which brings me back to wanting to embrace having a strong Will and Commitment to my path…

I’m in this circle and wish to have it be a spiral.

Thank you for helping me with this!