Misfit Mavericks: Ever Feel Like You Don't Belong Here?

Finding your true expression of yourself whatever that is no matter the consequences. Following the pull of Soul and the Sweetness of the experience when you "get it" Coming home to yourself. I am so blind most of the time but DAMN when I let the flow take me nothing compares. Tears to my eyes right now!!! Namaste to all life. Exciting times we are living in INDEED!!!! Fare thee well fellow travelers!!! Love Speed!!!

Hi Open,

Thank you for sharing the article. Learning how to balance my commitment to what I wanted to explore in this reality along with the pull towards higher states of consciousness is something that would help me a lot.

Thanks Parag 

Hi Open, Thank you for the article!

I have felt like a misfit all my life but I could never understand why. 

Today morning I had an image of a group of people quite caught up in the matrix but still having a great time. Frolicking, fighting, suffering, aspiring and working for their ambitions, communicating... I could feel they were in the matrix but were still having a great time. I could feel an invisible energy feeding them and I could also feel that the invisble energy was not feeding me (and possibly not feeding other misfits as well).

I tried putting myself in the shoes of one of the person's in the group. I could feel an interest in the stock and property markets. An orientation towards wordly achievements, a little bit of one-upmanship, but also helping and supporting others. Sometimes with genuine care and sometimes because the ego felt better. But there was something else. An energy of belonging. It had a certain quality of nourishment. As if I was being held by the web. And then I realized that the bickering of people that I often found so confusing also had a quality of nourishing and belonging to it.

It seems like this is this energy that sustains the matrix. If someone tries to break away from it, they are immediately weaned energetically. And it feels confusing and exhausting. 

Going off at a slight tangent - I was reading something about brainwave states yesterday. There is a theory which suggests that infants from the age of 0 - 6 have a Theta brainwave state ( 4 - 7 cycles). In this state, a person is like a sponge. That is why infants learn so fast. They observe and absorb everything in their environment - including patterns of all the people in their environment who are very much part of the matrix.

This is a huge challenge for souls who are different. Because the challenge is not limited to feeling confused in a strange society but it may also include (it has for me) feeling confused about their own reactions to situations. I have felt it so many times. I respond in a certain way and it immediately hits me - I am not like this, but why am responding in this way? Then I sit with it and can sometimes identify the person from my early environment who had this pattern. Another downside of not being a misfit is that I am not nourished by the 'Belonging Energy'. So I need to find my own authentic source of nourishment. 

I find that it can be quite a challenge to deal with all these fronts at the same time (being a misfit, trying to undo the patterns of childhood, and trying to find my authentic source of nourishment and the other challenges of day to day life). But the most challenging is undoing childhood patterns because they seem to distort my authentic movement - which is the hardest to deal with.

Thanks Parag

Thank-you for this article...and well, that Video from Radiohead the song 'Creep' Holds a special place in my Heart for me....In my first Retreat with Openhand in Harpers Hill, Seatle on the last day You assisted me and I made a great Breakthrough during this Song <3 now this song strengthens me.

I feel words Cheapen How much Gratitude I have for the Entire Openhand team, But once again I feel the need to express it <3

Steve

Ok.. So I let it flow for a few moons
What came really rips another veil apart yet again. I see a shapeshifter. It's a conscious effort used like a tool. How I use human emotions or concepts to reflect where I perceive others to be or where I think I am or often to show something that will initiate growth because deeply that is where I start from...what I yearn for even though the mind says it's counterintuitive. I shred a life I built a few years ago but am seeing how I am repeating patterns. In observing myself, pausing then pausing yet again to see what comes up Inside.. I feel immensely loved and cared for and know there is absolutely no feeling, thought or idea I can share if I am now willing to go there also. So much compassion..After I posted those words a few days ago, I felt vulnerable but that was the point.. To go without intellectualizing ... to let go of fitting in.. to just be me.

I often stand on my own as I feel such strength and know realities crumble easily if I do not go gently... I am independent and immensely delve into aloneness..I then looked into Thunderbird. The thunderbird is a legendary creature in certain North American indigenous peoples' history and culture. It is considered a supernatural bird of power and strength. Taught by the Kwakwaka'wakw and Cowichan people, could shapeshift into human form by tilting back their beaks like a mask and by removing their feathers as if they were a feather-covered blanket. Sioux stories tell that in "old times" the thunderbirds destroyed dangerous reptilian monsters called the Unktehila.They are messengers of the Great Sun himself.
I've always felt a deep connection to Native Indians or Indigenous cultures. I used to spend hours traipsing through mud in search of arrowheads/ artifacts. Having conversations.. visions.. I just now recalled many many many dreams where I was flying then taught others to fly. These dreams always felt extremely real...or flickers of past life experiences.

This now creates a time frame without words to express. It's creating shifts felt on a cellular level.
Yet.. Deeply I know none of this truly matters. Is it just another mirage to form a distortion to place superficial value in that distracts or is even that thought a distraction? Yet I know, I feel deeply.. the earth..Gaia transcending
Which led me to the next three words.. Time portals and vortex

Took me to Magnetospheric Multiscale Mission by Nasa which
MMS investigates how the Sun’s and Earth’s magnetic fields connect and disconnect, explosively transferring energy from one to the other in a process that is important at the Sun, other planets, and everywhere in the universe, known as magnetic reconnection. Reconnection limits the performance of fusion reactors and is the final governor of geospace weather that affects modern technological systems such as telecommunications networks, GPS navigation, and electrical power grids. Four identically instrumented spacecraft measure plasmas, fields, and particles in a near-equatorial orbit that will frequently encounter reconnection.. this brought up much as the polar vortex, magnetic poles are shifting. The word reconnection shouts to me as star souls shine vibrantly

Then vortex took me to Ancient civilizations and modern esoteric traditions which believe that the body of our physical blue planet materialized from a universal energy matrix and has a subtle structure, similar to the human energy field.
On to the earthquake I recently experienced.. Just feeling expansive beyond words

Much love,
Erica

Beautiful sharing Reka... I'm letting this flow without the need to "make sense". Hohokum Tribe, Thunderbird, time portals, vortex. Just felt to share

Much love,
Erica

Thank you all,

If ever there was anything that really called me to OH was exactly that - here I received the acknowledgement of the place of pain, not only in life but in the process of spiritual (or just simply personal) unfolding. Thank you for holding this place.

Erica: You say
"I think truly honoring the pain occurs as any identity dissolves, it felt like misfit/maverick provided comfort which just morphs into another mask or distortion. When the identity dissolves then the initial vulnerability or nakedness or feeling exposed occurs. If we jump into another space suit...we are right back where we started. I hope this helps others in some way."

Yes. And: "truly" honouring pain (Pure, undistorted Pain that is) in my experience equals to totally giving oneself up to its flow. "One with the pain", Open often says. This is the way it can become an amazing laser precision carrier energy into and out of density -- it takes one beyond multidimensional / karmic "knots" in the Soul (aka identities).

When there is PURE pain, it is like fire. Rips away all that is unnecessary -- a transformational energy, mysteriously very similar to undistorted, Pure LOVE.

In both cases though, in-pain and in-love experiences in our lives, we have so much conditionings and so much fear to let go of that in fact, MOST of the time we only jump from one suit into the other, tasting the raw freshness of "air" on our naked skins temporarily, for a "taster time" only before wrapping ourselves back into something else.

Because not only it is (a recurring) period in the whole spiritual process (aka Life) where the gems are really hidden but also where the greatest dangers lie. Its delicate vulnerability makes it all too easy for external (but often internalised) influences to suffocate, or distort, the budding sense of pure beingness (and more).

So I've been really into an exploration of the idea of transitional, or trans-identity states (as one does not immediately dissolve into oneness, of course). When I was in one of my deepest, most in-pain processes of my life and almost dissolved into non-being (here on earth) I learnt something about the beauty of these states - the freedom of using them according to the soul's calling.

In shamanism it is called shapeshifting. It is actually a preliminary method of soul healing: first to accept that while here on earth these states give a framework to function by (called ego). And then: to grow up to the fact that they do not define one but are to be used, taken and thrown away for the benefit of all.

At the moment I find the most peace in transitionary states - as (where I am) it seems the closest to who I am (not).

Love,
Réka

"Rather feel it [the pain] in your body and surrender into it. Let it express through you but not blame anyone for it...The One contains all of this within...we must learn to do the same. Ultimately we become untouched by it -- not distanced from it, but awesomely okay through...It is challenging, it is shattering. But that's the way to true healing."

Click...click...click...I feel the drawbridge lowering.

Thanks, Open.

Catherine

Love this discussion! Thank you everyone for taking me ever deeper. Perhaps as Trinity has expressed, the purest essence of "misfit" is beyond all identities and is felt as the freedom to be totally, authentically who we are in a world where most are tethered and bound to identities. Last night I stepped back into a milieu where I once felt like a misunderstood misfit. I felt a shift. It simply doesn't matter nearly as much.

Open, in response to your comments, I instantly recognized my attachment to being the oppressed woman in a patriarchal society but know the way to transcend this identity is to feel and express the pain.

x Catherine

Thank you Reka for the response.
Thank you Open for turning the prism to shine light upon the aspect of pain and how recognition allows expression leading to a sense of freedom...which I think you leveled the playing field for all to relate.,

I witnessed this just tonight as tears and frustration led to joy and laughter from a colleague as I held the space for her to just be in a moment of perceived conflict in the midst of chaos.. stillness

In a way that's what initiated my response because if I had chosen any mask or label then the experience would have been altered as I distanced myself by creating a barrier between us. I wore the misfit mask for quite awhile and still have people close to me express that they don't know what I'm talking about or "here she goes again" (makes me laugh to think of their facial expressions). It creates a barrier to really feeling each moment. At some point it just no longer matters in any realm. I think truly honoring the pain occurs as any identity dissolves, it felt like misfit/maverick provided comfort which just morphs into another mask or distortion. When the identity dissolves then the initial vulnerability or nakedness or feeling exposed occurs. If we jump into another space suit...we are right back where we started. I hope this helps others in some way.

Much love,
Erica

Yes!!! Feeling quite humble as I observe all the interactions amongst humans thrown together at inopportune moments in time. It's the nature of my profession yet in the turmoil chaos devastation there is such authentic beauty. It's often overlooked so easily. We are all misfits and mavericks as in each moment the path melds around our earthly experience.
It seems the more effort one asserts the more angles or edges that form thus defining the being with superficial attachments one sees with human eyes, then an association happens as the mind places value upon what is seen. Making the experience more turbulent thus when "we" interact from a more soulful source it often feels abrasive or sharp. The "Us and Them" mentality only accomplishes more division or dissension. I'm ok with it all. It's a choice to feel like one doesn't "fit in" but that just shows that there is still unresolved stuff to unwind. Without attachment there is this supreme tolerance that arises which allows the light to shine ever brighter!

Much love,
Erica

Open's words on Facebook today:

"You have to find the balance between commitment to a cause and efforting to make it happen. This is not an easy thing to do! Giving up commitment is not the answer; neither is doing nothing. That's just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You have to let yourself be 'all-in' to the creative process, yet watch where your consciousness tightens around the creation too much. This is where 'blind-spots' appear - you're so focused you miss the bigger picture. Commit yes, but watch the periphery of your creations. Allow the creations not to happen, because the flow clearly wants to swing in another direction. This will soften up your creative process over time - meaning you can commit, and create, but not be lost in the creation."

I had a dream last night where I was driving and veered off onto a road that looked like a path into the beauty of nature. Instead, I ended up in a fancy resort drenched with commercialism. The path to nature was a false one. I wanted to turn around and get "home" but I kept getting lost and couldn't find my way out. I woke up in a panic. Open's post was synchronous with my dream. I'm getting lost and identifying with creations, unconscious of blind spots, that aren't in the divine flow and can't find my way to the Light because I'm identifying and attaching to them. The TV series "Lost" comes to mind.

Moving onwards,

x Catherine

I was fortunate enough to be able to work with Oliver in some coaching a a few months back. It was then I discovered I was wearing a space suit, and with his assistance was able to take it off. It was a very profound moment in my life, one I treasure and often think about - it was like I 'arrived'. Since then I have found it easier to be...and although the world still feels crazy, and I still don't quite fit, it now feels easier to find my center within the storm.
Love
Shar x

Love the song by Radiohead, Open. Thanks. Perfect timing. "I want a perfect body and a perfect soul." Oh yeah, I can relate.

I was sitting at the beach yesterday feeling bone tired and weary, feeling the density of my body with its various aliments weighing me down, feeling slow and old and sluggish, missing the vitality of my youth. My eye caught an old dog walking slowly and gingerly along the water's edge, its mistress far ahead, lost in her own world. The dog's head was hanging low, and she was limping. Yup, that's me, I thought. Out of zing. Out of zang. Tears trickled down my face as I felt the worn out bones of the dog, like my own. But she kept walking, four paws moving along in the sand. Then she stopped and veered off her path along the shore. "Oh, dear. She's too tired to continue," I thought, wiping tears away. And then I watched as she made her way over to her tribe: three younger dogs playing joyfully on the beach. She wagged her tail and raised her head, rejuvenated, the weariness falling away. That's how I feel about my soul family here. You help to keep me going. If I had a tail, I would be wagging it now.

Much Love,

Catherine

Following on from my previous post on this thread, I've just been doing some of my spiritually-inspired creative drawing, which for me is a way of connecting with how I'm being, & of being with myself. My creative drawing uses words a lot, so it's really a cross between journalling & abstract art. I found myself going into an exploration of the word "I", which can mean many different things for me. "I" can mean my soul, my body, my personality, my ego, & other things too.

Here are some things I wrote/drew about my soul & my ego:

My soul says:

I am nothing
I am everything
I have a unique expression
I am following my path of self-realisation
I align with the flow
There is no right or wrong

My ego says:

I am special
I am important
I want to be famous
I want to be admired
I want to be a "somebody"
I have to succeed
I have to achieve
I have to be right
Others are wrong

Typing this out is bringing up more uncomfortable feelings for me, of pain, shame & self-hatred. I will find a way to explore these feelings some more now, to allow them & give them some space, rather than trying to get rid of them.

Blessings,

Alex

Many thanks for this article, Open. It spoke to me & soothed me today - just what I needed to hear. I'm still hurting about a relationship issue in my life, & it was good to be reminded of what my "higher purpose" is, in this lifetime on Planet Earth, as a Starsoul.

This part spoke to me a lot:

You could be sitting drinking a cup of tea at your favourite teashop, yet all the while, downloading and radiating energy into the field which others (unknowingly) pick-up.

That's often how I feel, when I don't seem to be "doing" much, or even "doing" nothing, from most people's perspectives. It may seem like I am wasting my life away, & indeed that is sometimes the feedback I get from others who are on a different path, but I know that important spiritual work is going on even in my stillness & absence of "productive" activity.

That brings up some pain as I type that. There is a part of me that would like to have more "productive activity" in my life, & I'm not sure whether that is an aligned part of me seeking more expression, or my ego which is pushing me to do more in order to feel important & to feel that I have significance.

This feels important to explore at some stage, although I'm not sure if now is the right time.

I welcome feedback on my comment, but only 1 or 2 coaching-type questions per response please.

Blessings,

Alex

It's such a comfort to know that "being" is all that is required, but also nothing less than that. My life of "doing" was so exhausting und unproductive. The deeper I go, the more layers I peel off, the more magic happens. It isn't easy going inside, but for me staying on the outside was much worse, it didn't mean there was no pain, quite the opposite, just that it was accompanied by lack of purpose and meaning, and by despair.
Thank you!