"Rise Eden Rise!" Openhand 5D Devon Retreat

HOMECOMING

I woke up suddenly from a dream.
A recurring nightmare of loss, abandonment,
and trying to find my way through darkness.

The bright sight of an Angel
lit up my newly awakened eyes,
but despite my astonishment,
her face wasn't completely unfamiliar.
I had seen it as the occasional fleeting light
in the corner of my nightmare's eye.

"Who are you?"  I asked

"That is the wrong question."  She answered

"What is the Right question then?"

"Who is my true Mother and who is my true Father?"

I made sure to write it down so I wouldn't forget...

*** ***

It is not Me being awakened now.
It is Me awakening every other unclaimed sleeping part of me.
It is Me showing up in their dreams
as the reminiscent Light in the corner of their consciousness.

I am the Mother now
I am the Source
I am the Womb

I am the One calling my Children,
echoing their true names through the Whispering Wind.

Countless bridges of Light
emanating from my being,
encompassing the entire Earth.
Each landing in the wilted heart of an orphaned child
that once lost its will to dream.

They can hear me now.
Every single one of them waking up to the Call.
A thousand sparks ignited
by the resonance of Divine Memory.

I am no longer the one searching,
looking for guidance to give me the answers.

I AM the Answer
I AM the Guide

And I see them all rising now.
All beautiful parts of me,
opening their luminescent eyes,
unable to resist the pull.

They know their journey Home has begun.
Back to their true Mother.
Back to their true Father.
Back to where they Belong.

They dare to dream again
They remember
And they know

They are Loved




 

- Anastasia

This entire piece and the one before have set so much in motion within me that I can only respond by saying I feel our sisterhood more intensely than ever.

A warmth has spread in my heart . The betrayal ,by a man ,a lover . I have felt that and that pain has been reverberating withing me forming thick bars around my heart. I didn't know it at the time but throughout my adolescence and twenties I was physically afraid of men. I numbed out in their presence . Even with my own partner it took me a lot of time and processing to actually not be numb despite not having a conscious trigger . And now that I have processed some of  the pain ,I can feel their essences ,and their distortions . I feel into them as I do with animals and plants and other women . And they respond energetically ,delighted by my Presence. 

And yet the pain around my heart remains . Some of the ice is cracking though. The point that hurt the most was where a Lance was struck in jealousy that was unfounded. 

You wrote in the earlier post about persecution for being a witch. I am sitting here feeling the welts of a whipping and the blood trickling down my back . 

The Angel that saves us all . My heart feels full just feeling into that statement . 

Thank you for sharing this. I have also felt I to some more around this situation but will connect offline. 

Thank you so much ❤️

Megha 

Today I celebrate the 4^th  anniversary of my spiritual Awakening. It was an ‘awakening’ in every sense of the word as I was suddenly literally pulled out of sleep in the middle of the night giving birth to a premature stillborn baby. Apart from the shock and the obvious pain and grief of a Mother’s loss, one of the things I struggled with was having experienced not only carrying life, but also unknowingly having carried death inside of me - The dead body of my own child.  

A while back on this thread, I shared a dream about a fat unattractive girl who spoke to me as my own unloved and unwanted shadow self. I knew this dream would be significant, but I didn’t know quite how or how much. Looking back today I am stunned at the mysterious journey she has taken me on. In the last couple of days, all the pieces have suddenly been falling into place and I have been overwhelmed by the expression that has been streaming out of me that seems to have a life of its own. The recounting of these memories has been chaperoned by deep primal fears and I have been balancing on a knife-edge between the urge to stay under water and the unyielding emergence of a once drowned voice that will no longer stay silent.

The synchronistic timing of my Awakening day and the birth of this tale is what pushes me over the edge. The interconnectivity of my Awakening experience and what I have been blessed to understand today is just too rich not to share. (And I simply can’t believe the song that I chose to accompany my “fat girl” sharing all those months ago.)

This is Her story:

"I have dark hair, blue eyes and fair skin. I know because I’m looking down at myself from above. I’m a bit surprised because my shadow girl presented herself as ugly and overweight, but there is nothing unattractive about the young woman I see. On the contrary, she is well proportioned, endearingly frail, and stunningly pretty. 

I’m lying in the Moss. It’s the same place in the woods where we always meet. A small open glade between two tall, majestic, almost identical looking trees. When you lie on your back looking up towards the sky, you see their two intertwined crowns breaking the light into a thousand sparkles of gold. It’s the most exquisite scenery, enfolding the most magical secret. It still tingles in the depths of my femininity where I have let him in so many times, offering my shore for his waves to crash into.

He is handsome, blond and blue eyed. Perhaps that’s why I’ve always felt slightly distrusting of that look in my present body. As if there is some secret danger lurking behind the angel like appearance. He is older and supposedly wiser. Knows so much more about the world than I do. I can hardly take care of myself. I’m freshly sprung, playful, creative, and very naïve. I don’t know any better than to worship the ground he walks on.

He’s on top of me, but he is not making love. His hands are pushing down hard on my throat, pinning my body, my breath, and my consciousness into a suspended suffocated moment of utter confusion and horror. I don’t understand. This can’t be happening! “Why are you doing this to me?” I look into the beautiful eyes of my lover that I have been lost in so many times and I don’t recognise what I see. Where is their colour? Where is their light? All I see is the black bottomless desperation of a cornered beast with nowhere to escape. 

I had to challenge him. I could no longer bite my tongue. I threatened to tell the truth and pop the bubble on his hard earned perfect immaculate world - wife, family, reputation. A noble, dependable, highly esteemed pillar of society. The epitome of good manners and decency. One word and it could all turn to dust. His life’s work shattered by the mouth of an uncomfortable truth.

His two physical hands are squeezing my larynx, but for some reason that’s not where I feel the pain. My attention is on the third energetic hand that is stabbing me over and over in the heart, tearing it to shreds. His knives are of all shapes and sizes, but the one that cuts the deepest comes from his razor sharp tongue as he repeatedly refers to our dance as “dirty”. The same dance he once called the honour of his life. 

Unheard, the broken voice of what is to become my unloved and unwanted shadow self sorrowfully asks

“Why would you kiss me like that if you didn’t mean it?”

Our dance was never dirty to me. Foolish perhaps, but never dirty. To me it was the most beautiful truth I had ever known. A love that came from the most sacred place inside of me - that of a wide open innocent heart. A secret garden that blossomed every time I opened the gate to it.

As he slashes my garden, rose by rose, I go into a state of shock. I’m paralysed, disorientated. My soul is traumatised by the inability to comprehend the incomprehensible - being eternally silenced by the hand of my own Lover. I fall into the crack between two conflicting realities I can’t bridge. Like trying to unite the repelling ends of two magnets that just keep sliding apart.

The most beautiful melody accompanied by the ugliest of lyrics.

I pass, but I don’t pass on...

I crystallise in my own unwillingness to accept that such a decent man can perform such an indecent act.  Like the mind of an immature child protecting the illusion of the perfect parent. “It must be me. I must have done something wrong. I should have known better.”

I watch him Hyde his mess, methodically tucking me away deep in the soil of inconvenient truths. My mouth is forever shut, but my lifeless blue eyes remain wide open staring into the blank space where my soul now lingers.

I’m frozen…

Frozen in time and space, unable to move in any direction. I try to make a sound but I no longer have a voice. I try to touch him but my hands run straight through his form. I have ceased to matter. His ambition is already fixed elsewhere, but my ethereal eyes are unblinkingly fixed on this scene, unable to let it go.

I don’t notice the Angel behind me waiting with a stretched out hand...

My battered heart needs to break. I need to let it fall apart into a thousand tiny pieces that the wind can catch and plant as seeds elsewhere. But the ice creeping into the cracks holds its broken shape together and anything trapped inside will now repeatedly view the world through its tinted distorted sheet of glass.

His job is done. He corrects his temporarily twisted features, puts his eloquent charms back in place, and rewinds the tape back to his perfect life behind the perfect face - a face that gets away with murder. As he walks away from my remains, he buries me deep into his subconscious. The beast in his eyes goes back to sleep, only to be disturbed by the moaning of an occasional nightmare. Soon I will be cemented underneath another dense layer of exemplary behaviour as the loyal loving husband and the cherished charitable member of the community. Before the rooster crows at dawn, he will have disowned me more than 3 times. As if I never happened. As if I never existed...

He will not turn around to repent.

Who speaks for the ones who have lost their voice?

Who aches for the ones with unbroken hearts?

Who reminds the one who has denied and disowned herself?

I am now long forgotten, but the Moss next to my grave still remembers. What was once a soft gentle sun kissed bed for our love is now cold damp and hostile, guarding my bones under a thick grey Shadow of Shame.

The mind of a Man may suppress and deny, but the womb of our Mother never forgets. Enveloping the lifeless body of her child within Her own, She holds its painful memory in the holiest of her spaces. Keeping, loving, protecting, calling... until one day the child feels the Echo in her own sacred space and begins to cross the Lake towards her Mother’s tender voice...

Then suddenly the trees begin to whisper. The wind picks up and points the way. The bees hum a strange familiar tune and the hare guides her steps further into the darkness of the woods.  There the blackbird finally ushers her to her seat and performs its promised Song of Spring. With yielding knees she lands with her forehead in the Moss and blesses the Earth with her tears. At her own grave, a daughter bows to her Mother and with a ceremonial wreath of dandelions her Mother blesses her right back. 

A ray of sun now escapes through the thick grey cluster of clouds and she is startled by the sound of  ice suddenly cracking in her chest. It is now that she begins to learn that a true Mother never abandons Her children, but tirelessly holds the space for them, patiently brooding, until they are ready to crack their own shells open. Then She lovingly pulls them into Her lap, cradles their precious essence, and chapter by chapter honours them with their own true story..."

Rest in peace Shadow Girl

Rest safely in my loving arms

Rest assured that you were never alone, forgotten, abandoned or unworthy

I was the Angel behind you waiting to take you home…

Thank You Mother Earth 

and a special thanks to Open, Scott, Apollonius, Kim, Megha, Matthew, Alex, and Thomas K, for providing me with the clues I needed. You don't know it but your help has been invaluable 

- Anastasia

I wrote a massive reply Anastasia,but the web ate it up ! I'm going to sit with this some more because you have triggered off something else again . 

I will respond soon as I have metabolized it into something resembling logic . 

Lots of love and etheric support as we process this shit 😄😄😄

Megha

I’ve missed all of you so much 💙

Thank you, Rayko, dude, for swinging through and sharing that link. 

Yea, somehow you just know you are connected. Even though as of recent I have stopped coming to this website, I still felt that there was retreat going on in Openhand. Well most notably by the fact that the self-destructive tendencies of my mind were really obvious to my mind haha, and something about being calm and ok with the moment.

And then you could really see how an act of these two cool dudes playing some music just because they want to, without any other reason really changes the space around them. Could like almost sense some lovely vibrating around them ^.^

Sending love from some far-away place

Rayko

Hi everyone,

Such interesting explorations! I’m really getting a lot out of reading all of them.

MEGHA! I am so moved by your sharing and I have so much I would like to say to you. We are connecting on so many levels right now, it’s blowing my mind! I really miss you!

OPEN – The whole Magdalene inquiry, including your response has triggered quite a wave in me. I’d like to share how it has flowed for me today.

I started my day by waking up from a very intriguing dream.
The dream revolved around an attractive man that I felt very drawn to and wanted to get close to. I went through a couple of social situations with this guy on a platonic level until finally we ended up on a couch together and kissed. It was a long, sensual, sweet and conscious kiss which felt unusual for a dream. The degree of consciousness that is.

When this incredible kiss came to an end though and our lips parted, the man was not a man anymore. Instead I was unpleasantly surprised to see a young woman sitting next to me whom I didn’t find in the least attractive. She had a cute face and short dark hair (like me) but she was grossly overweight and as I glanced at her with great discomfort, she could not avoid seeing the look of disappointment on my face.

She retreated back on the couch, looked at me with a sad expression and said “Why would you kiss me like that if you didn’t mean it?”
Behind her question was a whole history of feelings of unworthiness, being deceived, and countless situations where she had felt temporarily used and then discarded. As if she expected I couldn’t possibly love her or find her attractive just the way she was. 

The really interesting part is that both of us expressed some level of unconsciousness or delusion. I had no idea I was kissing her, since I was under the impression I was with a beautiful man, and she did not seem to know that I was completely unaware of her existence prior to the end of the kiss. So she assumed my expressed passion was a deception on my part to get some momentary pleasure from her. Needless to say it was an AWKWARD situation and it made me sad on so many levels. Sad for myself that my beautiful MAN was just a mirage and sad for her and her apparent lack of SELF LOVE.

When I woke up, I tried to stay with the dream in order to make sense of it. When I have clear poignant dreams like this I always try to explore the characters in my dream as potential aspects of myself. But I couldn’t really relate to this particular woman, mainly because of her physical appearance. I couldn’t see myself in her obesity. Also I felt a bit annoyed with her for revealing herself and ‘ruining’ my sweet fantasy. 

A few minutes after I got up from my dream, I saw Open’s reply to my question about distorted Magdalene energy. This passage spiked immediately…

“The distortion of the divine Magdalene comes when there's neediness involved in the giving. So from the place of lack of self love, the distorted sense of 'love' for self is taken by becoming the object of sexual desire. The energy presents as being exceptionally alluring - it works energetically to pull the divine masculine in, and then will try to bond around that forming reality constructs.”

…and I instantly knew my dream was related to this “lack of self love”. I just couldn’t really figure out how because even though the theme is abundantly familiar to me, I still couldn’t relate to this strange oversized woman.

I went about my day and the theme of my dream became a source of deep contemplation for me. I dove deep into this feeling of lack of self love, and before long I had this intense urge to comfort eat, which is something I rarely do these days but was a common occurrence throughout the greater part of my pre-awakened life. Ice cream has always been my preferred partner and suddenly, lo and behold, a tub of vegan Ben & Jerry’s magically appeared in my lap.

I was in full awareness of what I was doing and I swallowed each spoonful consciously to explore how it would make me feel. And Oh…My…God! As this cool soft smooth creamy substance glided all the way from my throat deep down into my abdomen, it felt like sweet LOVE itself slowly and softly caressing every inch of my being from the inside and out.

I actually allowed myself to enjoy it, even though I knew I was just trying to fill a void inside myself. And together with these non-judgemental silky strokes of illusionary Love, the fat dream girl’s figure suddenly appeared inside of me, and I realised she was the face of that old part of me that tried to treat her lack of self love with the empty promise of excessive consumption. Whether it be culinary, narcissistic, sexual, or romantic.

In my dream, I was completely enveloped by this alluring romantic illusion of the opposite sex, but when its glitter faded it revealed a sad and compromised young woman sitting in her full vulnerability and openly asking  

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Dear fat girl,

I see you now.
I see your pain.
I see your need.
I see the lack you think belongs to you.

Look into my eyes.
See my Light.
Feel your Strength.
You don’t need ice cream anymore,
for you have the power of my unconditional Love.

Get off the couch. Stand up!
Take my hand and dance with me.
When our hearts break, we open them wider.
When we fall, we rise again
and dance ourselves into our own infinite beauty.

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

Anastasia

Dear Anastasia,

I read this as I was in my head composing a post recounting my latest experiences. Inevitably ,your post puts some things into perspective and also gives rise to new inquiries that were simmering inside me . So Thank you dear friend ❤️. 

After my intense experience of heartbreak I have been feeling many many things. First ,it showed me how instead of trusting the Flow of my feelings I was trying to control them and to make myself safe. I don't k ow why exactly but this seems related to the Magdalene energy ( or it's distortion?). In fact ever since I have decided to just let feelings for everyone especially romantic ones arise and find completion within ,I have opened up something in my heart. Waves upon waves of Love seem to be coming out . Like I have opened a portal through my heart. I can feel my heart a lot better . It's pulls and it's wisdom that was previously faintly and intermittently  heard . Now it's voice seems to be booming . 

The last two days all I am doing is sitting on a grassy knoll with my book and music and watching children play . Ahh the sheer pleasure of simple joys ❤️

In response to your earlier post Open . I was about to ask what is self doubt -a distortion of. Ray 3 it seems . I am seeing a lot of numbers in 3 s these days . Also I was in a situation just the night before where I had a really sick child - most children with her numbers die. I forced the child into OR despite being very ill( we took a death on table consent). My own husband who is very skilled doctor also doubted me as did the rest of my team( including the surgeon !) reflecting to me quite acutely how much I doubt what I intuit . Instead of retracting from it ,I felt quite deeply into it- it is a twist in my tummy that also has reverberation in my heart and throat .  .After the operation baby has dramatically improved and as I write this an image of being doubted and therefore not going on the path of my intuition and losing my way suddenly came to me. This is why for much of my life I have seen so much,intuited and completely blocked it out. Now ,in this very dramatic fashion ,I can see why . In fact this is one of the multitude of gifts the retreat gave me. The gift of accepting and believe in in my 'Sight' . This lovely incident happened after  I did the Chakra attunement meditation in the morning . Boy, does that shit work 😄😄😄. 

Apollonius and Jean  ,I hope you feel the love and regard I am sending to you etherically . Anastasia ,my friend ,I hear you deeply and I am.holding space for your feminine inquiries as they speak to me on many planes ,in many ways . Marye ,I just want to say that the pay off so to speak for deep processing, I am feeling now. It is well worth it sister . 

Lots of hugs all the way from India for everyone there  ❤️💕💕

Megha 

PS The name of the child who was ill ? Karuna. Which is Hindi for deep compassion .So much understanding is arising AS I am writing this. The surgery was a gut surgery. This is the third such child I have seen who has a condition that isn't that common. In the first child ,because I didn't have the 'guts' to follow my intuition ,the surgery was delayed . And he died. In the subsequent two kids I have followed up on the numinous guidance as if my life depended on it and both of them have made it with their intestines and their lives, intact.  I recognize  that  allo this is reflecting back to me the guts I need to create my book . How amaxing life is ! How much there is to learn 

"Rise Eden Rise!"

A HUGE smile appeared on my face when I saw the title of this retreat, since just a day prior I was graced with the reappearance of an old friend – EDEN, the Green Snake!

She made her entrance through my base and I could clearly see and feel her RISE through my three lower chakras. It was a dear and joyful reacquaintance that sent tingles of divine feminine expansion all throughout my being.

A few days before Eden’s reawakening, I had been overwhelmed by this sudden rage that fired up inside of me. It was catalysed by my 2 year old son who would not respect my physical boundaries, despite my repeated attempts to make him back off. His typical distorted masculine aggressive manner and continuous disrespect for my personal integrity in combination with the fact that I am his mother and therefore bound to taking care of and nurturing him no matter what he does to me, made me feel so trapped and out of control that eventually a voice just screamed out in desperation inside of me. The situation intrigued me. What was it about this position I found myself in that had me feeling so completely powerless and victimised?

As I contemplated this question (whilst fuming inside with anger towards my son), a part of me deep within my inner layers began to break down and sob. I recognised it as the deep pain of the divine feminine, for not being allowed to be her soft, vulnerable, delicate, unconditionally loving self without being attacked and persecuted for it. It was the lament of that sublimely beautiful part of HER that should naturally be honoured, revered, celebrated, and raised. Instead, my son’s behaviour triggered deep wounds of repeatedly being suppressed, disrespected, discharged, used, raped, and belittled. Way down inside me I could feel her energetic compression. How she couldn’t stand tall in all her glory, but was continually forced to duck, dodge, avoid, bend, twist, and contort herself in order to survive the constant attacks on her natural state of being.

As I immersed myself in the pain of these energetic twists and contortions inside me, I suddenly remembered that this was exactly what EDEN, the Green Snake had been telling me about, back in October last year. I wrote quite an extensive recount of that experience here on the Openhand forum, and so I had to go back and reread what I had posted. I realised that Eden’s gift to me was the initiation of a profound exploration into the gifts and challenges of the divine feminine, that I was now experiencing firsthand.

Why can’t She just be allowed to Be and Blossom in all her glorious exquisite vulnerability?

Why does She constantly have to live in fear of the next hard distorted masculine thrust?

What does She need to do in order to RISE on her own terms?

Then it did RISE inside of me –The RAGE – like a sudden eruption of a volcano! The fire filled my whole being and it rooted my two feet deeply into the ground as I felt this UPRISING coming straight from the core of MOTHER EARTH Herself and up through my entire being.

What happens if I don't duck when the bullets come flying?

What happens if I don't shut down my heart after it's been broken or betrayed?

What happens if I stop trying to fix or save others and begin to nurture myself?

This rage, I asked the Universe, what is it, where does it come from?

"Feel it. It is THE WRATH OF ISIS!"

The Wrath of Isis…

What does that mean? The Wrath of Isis?
What is Isis so angry about?

Naturally, I went on an exploration into the story of Isis and Osiris and also Open’s recount of Isis in DIVINICUS, and I discovered what her wrath is about for me. But that’s another story, and besides I find it more interesting to leave it as an open question for anyone who might feel intrigued by it and may wish to explore it for themselves.

What is Isis so angry about?

… …

The Rise of Eden
The Wrath of Isis
The Uprising of Gaia

DO I FEEL HER CALL MY NAME?

Yes. I do!

And if this wasn't enough, at the end of last week I was struck by a personal unpleasant turn of events that had MAGDALENE written all over it. At first I felt completely floored by the situation, but then I saw the clever ‘wink’ of Magdalene so skilfully woven into it, my pain turned into a smile. And I know I just have to RISE again and keep going.

I don’t know where it will take me but I have to keep exploring. And my next stop is distorted Magdalene energy, which I don’t feel so knowledgeable about. SO…
 

OPEN, since you’ve asked us to explore distortions, I’d like to ask if you would aid my exploration by sharing more in depth what you know about distorted Magdalene energy. For example…

How does it play out in romantic relationships?

What are the typical traps the distorted masculine might fall into when in contact with typical distorted Magdalene energy?

For some reason, associations with the mythological SIRENS come up for me. Is there a connection between the Sirens and Magdalene energy?

How might it distort a Mother-Child or family relationship?

How does Magdalene energy differ from Isis or other representations of the divine feminine?

In honour of the sweet synchronicity of EDEN – the Green Snake  and the title of this retreat “Rise Eden Rise!” I will conclude with Eden’s own words as she poetically transferred them to me at the end of our last adventure back in October

For I am part of you, and you are part of me, and there is nothing that I have done unto you that you haven’t done unto yourself.

As I Rise, you will Rise, and as you Rise, I will Rise.

And so we will dance back into the Garden of Eden together.

With divine feminine Love,

Anastasia

thanks Open, this list with the distortions also on it is highly appreciated. 

I was talking to Jean a couple of days ago and we could clearly feel the processes this group is working through form a distance. It seems that since the retreat I'm plugged into the Openhand energy or team and can no longer escape its grip.....shaking things loose when needed. The weekend was pretty intense and now more 'mainstream' of soul comes through. Until that hits the density again.....🙈😆

✨Eelke.

Dear Open ,

I have been in the throes of deep karmic processing the past three days . And yesterday something settled within. It felt like I was dealing with the pain of being abandoned and of loneliness with no ' family ' to connect to. It was extremely painful experience triggered off by a very innocuous comment and prospect of change . 

Yesterday after the Bow ( which has been my life saver in the past three days ) I felt a little more settled . And I lay down and did the Ascension meditation after a long time 😄. I read your post after I felt a tug on my heart and decided to see what was new on the website . 

As far as challenges are concerned : 

Staying with the clarity that Bruge gave me despite the density I am immersed in . Working through karma and showing up more authentically 

Gifts : I am overflowing with Gratitude today morning ( after processing I am hugely humbled by the opportunity to do this in human form )  and I don't even know where to start. The scary opportunity that has come my way like a miracle is that I have been asked to submit a book proposal. The book itself is supposed to be a feminist treatise on how capitalism destroys the medical system and how it hurts women the most in the Indian perspective.  I will confess openly - I am shit scared . Of writing it ,of it being out there . Of showing my true self. Just yesterday though I think I may have found a bread crumb - a woman who is an obstetrician herself who is into looking at things differently . 

I am going to Bhutan soon. A nation steeped in spirituality and Trees . Here too an opportunity has come up . To help with their challenges in handling newborns . 

Lots of love and support through the ether to the souls doing this brave and important process. 

Lots of love ,

Megha