Greetings Jeni - welcome to Openhand 🙏

I wonder if you've explored the approach that you, personally, manifest everything that is drawn to you for a reason? By the law of attraction, you pull people to activate your own karmic density. It's an invitation to take ownership and work it through.

With this in mind, when working with these kinds of situations, it's always important for me to feel the triggering/spiking words that jump out. So for example, this that you said does...

the obvious thought that behind my back I am also being ridiculed.

Why should it matter to you that others ridicule you "behind your back"? So what? Why do you need others to respect you?
It's something beyond your control, so why try to control it? Are you able to find respect for yourself?

You then said...

And secondly, it really lowers my vibe

No one lowers your vibe. It's your reaction to them that does. Because you're needing them to be a certain way to you.
Can you honour yourself? Can you find your own internal boundaries?

Finally you said...

Many years ago I was driven to a suicide attempt after spending too much time a round a nasty horrible being.

I feel really compassionate towards you. However, again, it's a huge invitation to take ownership... No one can "drive you to suicide" - it's your own choice to engage with them or not. I grant you, it may not feel that way. But this is where you've got to dig deep into your own karma and release the density that is drawing them - that which is making you feel like the victim.

If you think you can work with this approach of taking ownership, then reach out to us and we'll connect you up with a facilitator...
Reach Out to Tilly Bud

Love and best wishes

Open 🙏