I asked for divine help to find what's blocking me, I couldn't feel a block and I did not get an answer. I let go of expecting one and decided to start writing, I wrote about all the situations as far back as I can remember. I started with the earliest memories in childhood and moved forward stopping and reading it aloud to myself. After reading through, I could clearly see a trend, a real aha moment that took my breath away. Each experience from childhood to now brought me to the same outcome. Luckily being alone, I was able to let it take hold and went back to each moment and felt not only my pain, but somehow it felt like I was feeling each person involved, inside, as if looking and feeling through them, an experience beyond words.
I was able to let go and forgive myself and those involved and finally, release it from my life. I didn't realize how "it" had been controlling and shaping my life to this point. I don't know if I'm making sense, I'm trying to figure that out, but I do know I've only scratched the surface.
Thanks again for the sharing these words of wisdom, it is comforting to feel reinforcement and strength along the way.

Janeen