Wounded Dragon and Gaia

Thanks Reka, and don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here now. Thanks Open, you've said this to me before, a few times. In fact, that is why I am where I am; you pointed me to tantra for instance but, humbly, there is something more, something missing, somewhere I don't feel I've been clear or been heard. The devil being in the detail!.
Reka points to the enormity of what is happening to women's capacity to conceive and birth. What I am witness to is even before that - numbness from even sensation in the pelvis, in the yoni. Numbness to the point of not even inhabiting the pelvis. It's so not even about orgasms at the beginning or the end - it's far wider and longer and deeper. I been at Openhand events and talked with women having extraordinary multi dimensional experiences and visions and then later, outside the studio, sharing the ways in which they no way can inhabit or feel the lower part of their body - the most sacred centre of the divine feminine - the gateway to the place where the unseen world/dimensions touch the physical. Where literally magic happens.
I bow Open to your understanding of the karma behind much of this but I'm opening an invitation to more gateways, more language, more experience for women to begin to clear this. And yes, I know that the clearing will be in the exploration of distortions of both the masculine and the feminine but the gateway is in the experience of inhabiting a female body/mind. Of course for some men there will be memory of female existence but, while we are at this work, my posting of the discussion between Charles Eisenstein and Rex Branwyn was opening a question as to whether there was also the need for a forum for men to explore through the gateways only a male body/mind have access to. We will all meet in the everything/nothing eventually but in the meantime for those of us not quite there yet it is an invitation.
Now this, I get, is most likely work for those in women's bodies, with I think, others in women's bodies. It is so fragile it needs that cave, that tent, that protection. Before, when I saw the thread about moon time I saw the lack of light on this dimension of women's experience - we could share about moon time for two whole threads and evade sexuality! This is another different, courageous, terrifying step. A bigger taboo.
This may not be feel to be, or be for the space for such sharing and intimacy but I want to open at least the questions, the invitation and keep opening this out so that Kim's tears may continue to flow, knowing that others are with her.

Thank you for initiating this thread Reka and I am grateful Aunty Angel for your courage to be vulnerable and begin the post about sexual healing. Open your post for healing this was very helpful. This is something I have felt in the background for a while and can feel the time for me to confront this within myself is approaching. I can feel both the distortions of the divine feminine and divine masculine in myself. I can hardly write about this and have never been able to speak openly or comfortably about sexuality. There has been discomfort with it my whole life. After reading the posts above I see how much I have been out of body, avoiding, hiding, disconnected. This is all bringing up a lot of pain and tears. I trust the way to work with it will just keep unfolding.
Kim

Such a powerful film - thanks so much for sharing

So this 'demon' we're speaking of that is devouring the Earth in the 3D is the 'raptor consciousness' and it distorts both the divine masculine and feminine. It's an ancient energy that's dwelled in the bowls of the earth, depicted as the snake in the Adam and Eve story. As I explained in Divinicus, it actually came here as a DNA 'virus', on a comet, from elsewhere in the cosmos.

And yes, where it rears its head, is often within sexuality.

Within the masculine, it's an energy that rises up from the base (literally from the earth), through the sexual organs, which then wants to take over. It literally wants to devour the divine feminine and explode into it. It's the sense of a massive release of frustration - tension caused by the resistance of the physical and therefore the welcome mastering of it.

The problem is that it's owning a purely authentic kundalini energy, which when fully expressed sexually, is immensely creative, and within orgasm, can literally propel you into higher dimensions. So to simply disown it, is to disown a most important aspect of yourself - of your soul and divine connection into the cosmos.

This is what I mean when speaking of the need to heal this 'wounded dragon'.

When it's distorted out in the world, it often makes the divine feminine retract, and go out of body, withdrawing from this density (it literally made a higher aspect of Gaia retract too, and the lower part to be suppressed into the core). The consciousness literally takes over in this density because the divine feminine has been oppressed in this way. And most challenging, is that as the soul retracts, it fragments, leaving sometimes horrendous karmic memories within the lower vehicles (that of rape, brutality and most common of all, traumatic birth experiences). It's why that karma of oppression keeps recreating itself. It's why so much healing work in this area is necessary.

For me, to truly heal, is to penetrate all aspects of the bodymind with BOTH energies of the divine masculine AND feminine. The divine masculine provides the will and the impetus to do it. The soul then surrenders through the pain with the divine feminine, taking sovereignty once more of all those darkened inner nooks, where the raptor consciousness has hidden - yes it hides in the female body too. I've often literally felt it sending out energetic, sexual tentacles from women who were completely unconscious of it - because they were not completely in their own bodies.

So we have to confront those uncomfortable places where that energy might try to own you - either retracting in fear and denial, hiding behind a cloak of taboo, or else controlling, oppressing and exploiting. Sexual intimacy is a great healer of this energy. It's why tantra is so effective. You stay conscious in the midst of the alchemy, you stay present, you receive by giving, not by taking. You literally realign that energy inside yourself - your sexual organs encompassing an aligned heart and mind encourage the raptor energy to find a more aligned way. Simply making it wrong is to make it persist, because it thrives on such polarity.

It is for no small reason that the Eastern Goddess Quan Yin is often depicted riding a dragon. The healed dragon energy, is that of healed and aligned kundalini. When unleashed in sexual intimacy, it can literally fill the room and transport the surrounding reality, and the couple in it, to higher dimensions. True astral travel comes not from vacating the body, but deeply penetrating it with presence and awareness of the light.

I believe this is the healing many now need to undergo.

Humbly

Open *give_rose*

I guess Reka I am exploring the territory of Evolutionary Energy Redeemed (Sexual healing) I posted my last comment and took the dogs for a walk in the rain in the woods. Remembering my posting I felt like emailing Open and asking him to take down my post - too much exposure, too public, too open, too at risk from the barbaric, of being misunderstood, of being leered at and made into an object, of losing my real identity. I felt shame and my throat tightened, my stomach closed and I felt sick. I've long wanted to open some further channel of exploration of sexual energy in Openhand but until now the open forum of discussion on this site felt too exposed. Still does as, my feeling rememberances show. There is so much work do to in this area. The converse is opening up to be able to feel in an aligned way how so much, no, how everything feels more right, everything is about the touch of this energy. Yesterday I felt to just lie on the earth and feel the exchange of Love, seeping from my body and into my body and the same with the wind on my face everything, everywhere and breathing and a portal. Let's do this Openhanders. lets step towards this demon. I feel like to ground the clear energy of Openhand into this exploration will be to shift something greater than we could possibly imagine.

It's weird Jen isn't it? It's really hard to enclose into words this stuff. It's like, having only really been familiar with the distorted masculine, I didn't/don't know where to feel the aligned - it's like a colour I've never noticed. What I have noticed is that to encounter the fullness of the wordless expansion of the feminine, the distorted male identity within which is controlling and holding because I've always felt the (karmic) need to be able to do it alone, be sovereign, has to give way.
I've been exploring tantra in an indirected, following the path sort of a way for the last year or so and had a complete light bulb experience very recently - a sexual exchange where I recognised in the feeling of the moment that the energy of it was Love, not relationship, Love. And that I am seeing is also important; Relationship CAN be about looking for a short cut to a feeling of completion through someone out there in the mirror. It was sooo weird I'd never thought of the essence of sexual energy being about Love, because I'd been tuned to a different frequency. It was around this time I came across this conversation which to me is about re tuning to the aligned male, retrieving our focus from dissolving the distortions and opening to the question of what then remains. What is it's tone?

Thank you Aunty Angel for sharing this. I feel this gap. I have to say that I feel somewhat responsible for the masculine (and the feminine) within the male to have a space to truly unfold. And yet, I do not feel safely held in that space by another in the physical.... Within I feel the coming together of these energies... I witness it and feel the activation inside... The feedback.. I watched this couple dance last night in a crowded room I was drawn to them... Just watching and feeling how they were being - each in their own fullness and each fully taking the other in... Without losing themselves... Just fully sharing and shining, and it brought tears to my eyes... And a warm glow inside. I feel another potential and a deep yearning and let that vibe within.

i didn't really touch in all that you shared, but words aren't flowing beyond this =). Thank you for bringing this in.
With love, Jen

Ive been feeling to post the link to this conversation for a while but couldn't find where.
https://newandancientstory.net/rex-brangwyn/
Should it be on a separate Yang thread because I really would like to open this space for sharing with men in the Openhand community? I tried to post it on the Etheric moon circle a couple days ago but the system froze every time which I took as no no. ....maybe now a the space has opened here for it here.
This conversation speaks to me of the emergence of something new, a new expression of the masculine as reptilian energy is left behind. And it speaks of the exchange, the sacred sexual exchange and energy that is then once more possible as the reptilian distortions are unwound.
They start speaking about sexuality - then the conversation flows to a discussion of how the same relationship is used to work with the Earth. Holding the space, opening, watching the movement, seeing what is asking to come forth and then, as the feminine space unfolds beyond the space that is held, inviting the masculine in, once more to hold the space for the next opening. It seems to me that they are also describing is what it is to walk the path with every cell of your being alive and multidimensional, tingling, opening and expanding with receptivity at the touch of the twin flame.
In the second half of the conversation they talk about men's work - (the balance, perhaps to feminine moon circles?) about holding the space for men to become elders who then hold the space for boys as they transition to manhood. They talk about their attempts to find initiation rites that meet the ancient need of the young masculine for a rite of passage to manhood. This speaks to a howl in me for our boys and young men. It seems to me that they are the lost tribe in these times - the wounded masculine, the forgotten masculine without a vehicle for expressing itself in an aligned way: there IS a place for my pain as woman to be expressed, there is agony in the expression and hard labour, sadness,grief and loss but there is a dimension where this can be held - I'm not sure the space is manifest in the same way for our lost sons.
This is a howl for that space to open.

Thanks, Fiona. Yes, I'm feeling that it's best to have someone hold the space for me. It feels like the fierce love I hold for my children (ever ready to attack anyone who threatens them), the fear of losing them that I've had since they were born, my sense of feeling abandoned as a mother, and the anxiety and self-judgment I've experienced as a mother go way back to abduction, DNA manipulation, and traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. I had the most terrifying dream a while back when "they" came for me. I was paralyzed with fear and felt totally powerless and abandoned. As crazy as it sounds, watching "The X-Files" re-runs right now provides some kind of weird validation for what I'm sensing and vaguely recalling.

Catherine

Hi Catherine,

Powerful that you are opening up to your experiences, yes they can be horrific and scary. Movies can be quite catalytic for sure, and in my experience can be a powerful trigger for stuff. I have found having support really beneficial, there are layers I have been able to work with by myself, though working with someone brings it to another level. There is something about having someone hold the space that is truly invaluable and enables me to go deeper than I could alone.

With love and best wishes to you, Fiona

Hi Jen,

I resonate with what you say about how self blame could be masking other things. I recently noticed how self blame feels safer than blaming the outer world, it's been safer for me to blame myself than the world or another, particularly as an empath who has wanted to maintain harmony! Interesting what you say about how it is maintaining control too, I can see that.

As I am writing a penny is dropping about the sense of powerlessness experienced and how it would appear futile to express one's anger or emotions in such situations (infact it could be even more dangerous) and so it gets suppressed or directed inwards, and perhaps on a subtle unconscious level the projection seeps outwards as well...

With love, Fiona

Amazing poem Amber - just literally pouring with truth.

Yes, connecting with the primal in man will drive you into all of this experience.

Open

Thank you for this focus, Réka. I resonate with balancing the divine masculine and divine feminine energies within ourselves and have found Open's meditation to be so helpful these past few years in that regard. I feel the truth about transcending the duality of male/female gender. I recently recognized my identification with the oppressed woman in a patriarchal society and resonated with what Open said in regard to expressing the pain without projecting it as paternal. I'm feeling releases and shifts around this.

Fiona, your post stands out for me about remembrances around traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. My awareness is increasingly opening up to this trauma. I'm drawn to watching sci-fi shows right now that are helping me connect the dots and uncover the trauma. It feels pretty horrific and scary, but I feel the pull to get into it so I can let it go. Not sure how to truly get into this on my own though so will consider more facilitation coaching.

What the outer mirror is inviting these days is to feel into my pain around feeling abandoned when I was raising my two children with too few family and social supports -- and a husband who was frequently absent due to the nature of his work. Abandonment has been a constant conditioned theme in my life. I have such deep empathy for mothers today who have too much responsibility on their shoulders with intensive social pressure to be the perfect mother almost solely responsible for how their children "turn out". What happened to the village that it takes to raise a child? I often felt so overwhelmed and over-stretched as a working mother of two children. These days the mirror is inviting me to become acutely aware of how I have judged myself as an inadequate mother, and I feel such sorrow and sadness about this despite loving my children to the best of my ability when I was raising them. I recognize how deeply insecure I was/am about my mothering abilities and how I have projected that outwards, particularly when my mother and other family members criticized my mothering ability when my children were young. I was mostly unconscious of my social/family conditioning back then so unconsciously passed it on to my children. I became more aware of my conditioning as they grew older and did my best not to repeat it but with little knowledge and too few skills to truly do so. Looking at the big picture, I accept that this is part of my karmic journey and the karmic journey of my children. But the pain is intense these days.

How deeply my heart goes out to mothers everywhere. That said, I'm aware that it's certainly not easy for fathers either, but it feels like the pressure to raise "well-adjusted" children still falls mostly on the shoulders of mothers. The way out of course is to release judgment about "right" and "wrong" and to view everything we experience as an opportunity to release attachment and transcend beyond. I'm gradually feeling the judgment dissolving.

These song lyrics to the Beatles' Lady Madonna run through me:

"Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet
Who finds the money? When you pay the rent?
Did you think that money was Heaven sent?
Friday night arrives without a suitcase
Sunday morning creep in like a nun
Monday's child has learned to tie his bootlace
See how they run

Lady Madonna, baby at your breast
Wonder how you manage to feed the rest

See how they run

Lady Madonna, lying on the bed
Listen to the music playing in your head

Tuesday afternoon is never ending
Wednesday morning papers didn't come
Thursday night you stockings needed mending
See how they run

Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet."

x Catherine

Thank you Fiona, that is such a heart warming story <3.

Yes I do so embrace the purpose of it all. Lately it feels like all the places that I am holding self blame are rising to the surface to be felt and honored and for me to take responsibility for my part but to release the sense of self blame/guilt, recognizing the distortion creating and drawing the experience for the evolution and liberation of soul through it.

Also starting to wonder if the self blame is masking and a way around feeling some underlying anger and blame pointed outward.... Like the self blame keeps me feeling in control and not as disempowered. Blaming the outside is of course disempowering as well but a sense of powerlessness may be hiding out underneath the self blame, unfelt and thus unconscious and inharmoniously creative. To get to the sense of sovereignty through the event it feels important to first feel the sense of powerlessness it brings up... That it may be at the hands of what feels like an imposing, unavoidable force (as Open describes above) I have certainly had the experience of regressing into these experiences on courses and that is deeply healing.... Now just feeling out for where this is still hiding out.

With love,
Jen

Hi Jen,

I wanted to share a story with you about my friend's birth experience. She had a ceasearan birth with her first child which she felt very guilty about, as she had intended a fully natural birth. When her daughter was 2 and a half, she attended a workshop to share and explore her birth experience. She created a figure out of clay as a gift to her daughter, and after the workshop she went home and gave her daughter the gift and told her her birth story. At the end of which the young child looked at her mother and said "But Mummy I wanted to be lifted out." I love this story, it reminds me that we create exactly the right experiences we need at a soul level.

Love Fiona

Hi

I am one of the women Open refers to who has experienced numerous past life traumatic birth experiences related to the intervention. I also believe I have had later past life experiences as a result of the initial source karma. In most of the experiences I have recalled, the baby (sometimes not in human form) dies or is taken from me. I recall times when I am cut open and left to die. The sense of loss is immense, sometimes there has been anger to work through/be expressed too. I can say that finding my soul and power through those experiences has been possible and really healing (often I have had the assistance of Open or other facilitators - thanks dearly to each of you). I really resonate when Open says that the body is a vehicle of experience, as we are beyond that.

I found contemplating and connecting with the above (and more which I've not posted) insightful, emotive (still work to be done!!!) and I appreciate the space to share...

With blessings, Fiona

I'm so looking forward to this thread unfurling, thank you Reka. I can relate to what someone else said on another thread here, I feel like a child sitting amongst a circle of wise women during these discussions. I can't grasp half of what you are talking about, but feel very much to sit quietly, absorb and learn from you.
I recently read Body of Wisdom (recommended by Helen, thank you) and was just blown away by it, it felt like I was being reconnected to the rich humus of the female soul, a deep reminder.
Talking to friends about menstruation, purification, creativity, longing in this new light I can see how needed women's circles are.
So I'm going take a bold step and start a small circle with a few women in my area. I've never done anything like this before so there is an element of trepidation and fear. I'm so looking forward to exploring and growing in this area....the energy of the east is calling me.

This is a totally awesome thread - thanks so much for initiating it Reka - and thanks you Openhanders for supporting it. There'll be so much healing and empowerment to come from it. :-)

The subject of the sense of women being disempowered by the masculine energy in the past is clearly strongly present. I encounter this a great deal in the Openhand course work and in one-on-one coaching.

Frequently in my healing work, I find women regress into extremely challenging past life karma, particularly to do with the intervention and especially around birth issues - often having felt brutalised and raped. Because women were experimented on in order to birth Homo Sapiens - yes, its a huge topic, and to many will seem very 'out there'. But the story is all there written into our genes and chromosomes. (I've gone into detail in Divinicus).

I feel to offer one very important piece of advice at this early stage as the thread takes off:

Yes, to truly heal and progress, each much dive deep into their respective karmic source pain. And this will mean looking in detail at the respective - and different - challenges of being incarnated in a female or male body. However true empowerment is empowerment of the soul. And the soul is genderless. It has a range of frequencies including both the divine masculine and the divine feminine in all. True empowerment is to unleash all of these frequencies inside oneself. Not just to favour or focus on one.

So as I've regressed women through these often horrific experiences, in the midst of their physical disempowerment (and there will always be someone or something stronger physically), I've reminded them:

it is their choice as to whether they stay empowered or not
it is their choice to retain sovereignty of their field or not
it is their choice to fully infuse soul or to retract.

This approach requires both the surrender and empathy of the divine feminine aspect of the soul, and also, the will and commitment of the divine masculine aspect of the soul - the will to infuse into the bodymind, no matter what is happening to it.

Of course a big part of that healing work is to fully honour and express the pain you might be feeling - to let it out. Which is why I'm so supportive of people doing that here.

So I totally honour and support the healing work that needs to be done by both genders. And I encourage looking for the empowerment that takes us into a fully integrated soul. One that is not dependent upon the body, but uses it merely as a vehicle of experience.

Humbly

Open *give_rose*

Thank you Reka for opening this space! I feel a huge responding within. Around 4 years ago a woman came into my life who opened up my awareness of the divine feminine... It was incredibly hard for me to digest... I had accepted so much of the status quo with regard to childbirth, healthcare, moon cycle, relating, that I felt like I was constantly on fire in her presence - much of that was quite positive in its overall effect...I felt/ feel so much guilt for what I have accepted, where I have given my power away, where I have lacked any true knowing that I could trust from within. It came in through this woman on maybe an over energized destructive quality ... There was an underlying anger that made the delivery overly harsh for me. ( this is an interesting statement to me). But it was a huge wake up call too.

This struck such a strong chord with me:
": I work as a doula, I accompany women to hospitals for their births, and what I see there is simply tragic. Women are literally abused, and raped. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but with medical equipment, they are induced, sedated, raped with metal utensils, they are robbed of their own personal will, and inherent power, robbed of their femininity, and connection to their own goddess inside."

This was me, every time...but like I said I hold such a sense of guilt for not being in my own power, for not trusting myself or at the time actually for being completely ignorant. Every time I would go in with the intention to give birth naturally and every time I was induced or or as the intensity increased I couldn't find the pathway through and those around me didn't know how to support any other way than having an epidural which would cut off my ability to feel the natural urge to push - there was a disconnect from the lower body....The whole birthing experience was cold and impersonal and actually almost hateful feeling. I remember one doctor upon my pressing to give the baby more time responded "do you want your baby to die inside you?" Or when a male doctor reached inside to check my progress with such an aggressiveness that it hurt me and he said "it's going to hurt a lot more when that baby comes out" ... I just felt so weak and powerless and yet my dreams since then about birth are always me in a tribal setting with other woman empowering me, telling me it's time, that I am ready to give birth and I feel so connected to nature to my own nature, to the Earth, I feel so supported.... Juxtapose that with the birth of my children and with my own physical birth (stuck many hours in the birth canal and pulled out with forceps) and it is a stark conflict. Of course this is all here for me as guiding lights to retuning to inner completeness... It all reflects the personal karma and as you say Reka the larger stories/ archetypes/patterns as well.

There is so much more I can explore and will - I so appreciate this space. I feel an enormous gratitude for you opening it... For fully putting this out here...I will engage completely as I explore this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 with love, Jen

Thank you Reka. I'd like to be able to put some words around the feelings and journey through this, I don't think it's possible for me. Did I read somewhere that you mentioned it's like an 'ancient story playing out', this is how it feels to me. I feel like I'm moving through a script that's eons old and it's unbearable at times. And has pushed me to move in ways I didn't think would be necessary. I don't know what other to say - it's deep deep stuff...and thank you.

Hi Reka,

Thank you for initiating this thread! As a fellow doula I resonate with what you share here - it saddens me greatly to see women give their power away around birth, which in it's rightful place can be a hugely empowering event and initiation. To me it is indicative of the many ways in which people give their power away to systems within the matrix. Thank you for the wonderful and inspiring work that you do and the teaching you share.

I really appreciate your welcoming of men to the thread and your posting of the video. Often with feminine explorations I sense a pushing away of the masculine, often a sublte blaming and identification with being the victim is evident, yet it is vital to embrace this masculine aspect of ourselves and life if we are to heal.

With love and gratitude, Fiona

I have just discovered your new forum topic and find it wonderful! Just that for now, no questions yet, but I'm really looking forward to the explorations. Thank you so much for your energy, wisdom, knowledge, generosity and love!

Blessings,
Helen