Anticipating the flow / Acting prematurely

Hi Open, may I ask what you think about this?

As I said here before, after a relationship break-up I went to live with my parents. I lost almost everything I identified with, and this feeling of emptiness has left me with two choices only: either I don't live the flow fully - and so my ego fills that void with thoughts of suicide and murder - or I choose to fully live it and make great progress, as I have experienced in the past two weeks.

The major problem is my mother, who is a toxic person: egocentric, arrogant, noisy, and completely invested in the drama. She has always made life very difficult for our family, and still does. I'm commited to ascending, but her presence is doing the opposite, especially in this phase. And yes, I know I manifest what I'm being within and she actually can be a great catalyst for my unfolding. But in a practical sense - and this may be coming from ego, sorry - that's not what's happening.

I could sense that in a few months I'd be guided to buy a notebook, enabling me to work outside. I could really see the visions because they're connected to other synchronies regarding my career. However, now is NOT the time, probably because I don't have all the money yet. But since I could pay in installments, I decided to buy it. And once the notebook arrives, the flow will likely shape around this new acquision and guide me to work outside.

I know this is an attempt to escape the situation. But as you said in 5GATEWAYS, at the beginning it's difficult to access the source pain and our focus should be more on creating space for the flow. So I wouldn't say it's an extremely distorted decision, you know, it's not like I'm packing my bags and running away. What do you think?

Thank you 
Edu