To know myself
I am standing here
at a crossroad in time
Here.. I want to know myself
the deepest, highest truth, my truth, just me
Not just absorbed from this long journey of life
that gathering of knowledge of other peoples opinions and ideas
the profound exploration of humanity's questioning
It just isn't enough
that collection of knowledge explodes in my head and transfigures itself, little by little
Like an expansion, like the child through the birthing canal of life
There is pain, deep pain, that infuses through me to uncover
transmute, to break apart, to Open
Like a pearl hidden within a clam
there is pressure exerted to open that shell
but there is also the strongest longing to know the pearl
the pearl ..not of knowledge but of wisdom
Waiting patiently within
Connecting with nature brings messages in the breeze through the trees.
They speak a message of change, of transformation
Just listening, just listening...
What's MY truth?
What's My truth?
What do I really feel?
Maybe I'm just stubborn
courageously rebellious?
Don't want to feel controlled
Just My realisations.
Grow my own seed and watch it flourish
Growing, changing, adapting, learning from 'mistakes'
Strengthening that connection with each step
Feeling my own truth
Hear my own soul's deepest whisper.
Stronger stronger, like a stream flowing downwards
Gaining strength
Rushing, gushing waterfalls
A re birth, baptism, an initiation
Cleansing, renewing, rejuvenating
Pouring forth through each cell
The crystal clear clarity as the waterfall rushes through my being
Awakening the soul
Ever brighter
Like a shining star that twinkles from the heavens
Constantly lighting the path
It's just the clouds that dim that light
a momentary covering
A moment of reflection
To encourage finding and connecting with our own light
The cloud's pass and there it is
That light was there, ever constant all along
Just listening
Just listening
Until I Know myself
By Gwen
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Heart felt writing
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Exploding Sun
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Emotions so real, so raw
Self-realization, a double edged sword,
Duality all around me, the two sides of the same coin....
Through deeply feeling our pain can we come to find our deepest peace,
An expanded awareness that travels from other dimensions, through time and space,
The material and ethereal, all must be embraced, as to know one is to know the other.
I cannot escape these thoughts and feelings - so real and so raw.
No matter where I go or how far I travel, whatever I experience or with whom I meet.
I cannot deny myself.
My conditioning, the distortions I carry bubble up and out of me with the fullness of my soul.
Feelings of not being good enough haunt my dreams and disturb my heart by day.
How to accept this world with its pain and suffering - I sense a reality so different from this separation I feel.
As if from a distant memory of another lifetime where there is no illusion to confuse the heart.
Where we dance in completeness as radiant as a thousand suns.
Did I arrive here too early? Frustration surfaces with what I see and feel around me - Is this reality?
How to accept this world yet at the same time hold the energy for a new earth to form?
Where we live in harmony as ONE.
The earth is so beautiful - I am filled with wonder at nature's awesome splendor.
Yet my heart cries at its destruction as if I feel the pain as my own.
This invokes a deep sadness and longing within...inner peace...just a dream?
I sense a restlessness within my being, an impatience...I have gathered much knowledge along this path,
now it’s as if all I have ever learnt is exploding into nothingness before my eyes.
I wish to follow no-one, no guru, no method, no teacher, no dogma, no concepts.
Just to stand strongly in my own deepest truth, be my own guide, with no system, no control.
My own light illuminating each step on the path, unfolding and ever changing.
I wish to feel every part of myself raw and naked to the world, letting go of fear so that someday I will explode into a thousand pieces, the pain a catalyst that turns the hungry caterpillar into the humble butterfly.
Though in this moment I cannot hold any particular form or concept - I have no clue of who I am becoming,
I have no energy to hold any particular outcome.
All I am left with are feelings...
No past and no future - growing weary of efforting at all.
Everything I thought I was is dissolving inside me.
I can hold nothing..
Who am I becoming?
What is my purpose here?
I have no response....
I am nothing and everything as one.
By Gwen
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