5D Shift: Stepping Out and Daring to be You, Where's Your Loyalty?
The time is now. This is it.
Peel off the blinkers and see reality the way it really is. Dramatic change is building across the earth, that will ultimately put paid to the reality construct we're living in. The threads are ALREADY unwinding. Where's your loyalty in the shift? Be careful it's not stuck in the Old Paradigm, in no mans land. It's okay to still have one foot in the old reality, on the old bank, but do be absolutely clear where you're headed. Reality creates around what you believe and where you put your attention. It's time to step out and be you. The Real You!...
The Granite Mountain
It's spiritual old hat to say 'everything is consciousness'. Nevertheless it is!
Everything is created of it. Even the granite mountain, that looks immovable, will at some point unwind.
And as pliable as it can be, the human mind is sometimes just like that granite - fixed, tight and rigid.
No wonder it keeps recreating the limitations of yesterday. If we let it.
So much of the Old Paradigm is based on fear and control. You may feel reasonably okay, peaceful even. The job goes well, the pay check comes in, the rent gets paid. Everything's kinda hunky dory. But the fear and control has created a reality that is plundering the earth and destroying the eco-systems because of its ability to exploit oil, taking tomorrow's resources today in order to placate addiction and soft comfort.
We have to get inside these loops and break them down.
It can be done. But it does take the will to do it. You know you're more than this. You can feel it now in the depths of your soul just wanting to well up and step out. How simply divine it is when you witness that piece of synchronistic magic just click into place; when you feel divine beingness come through you or that deep sense of interconnected timeless peace. What is it worth? Priceless.
I recall a guy approaching me in the streets one evening selling The Big Issue. He was asking for 'some coin to make the shelter before it closes in half an hour', "I need to make £20". I look inside my wallet and there's no coin. Just one crisp, twenty pound note. I simply know it's synchronistic - I can feel it in my bones. That "aha" feeling you all know. That's what he needs. That's exactly what I have. The flow engages higher mind and I'm already reaching for it. But then lower mind starts doing its old granite mountain stuff - "That's the last twenty I have. It's too much. What if I need some cash on the way home to fill up the car?"
But I catch myself. It's only the old BS poverty consciousness that keeps you always in 3D lack. That loop simply needed to be broken. So I give him the twenty. What happens next is utterly priceless. Beyond value. His eyes open wide in amazement. Tears well up and flood down his cheeks. Such a loop of connection and creativity opens between us, like brothers in arms stretching back through the ages. How do you think that made me feel? What was it worth? And most importantly, what does it do to the old granite mountain - LOL!
Here's How to Change Your Reality with Openhand's Breakthrough Approach
Stepping out of No-man's-land
Too many find themselves in no-mans-land right now. That's the place not to stay! You're losing faith in the old construct and so it's becoming less and less successful - the numbers don't stack up any more. It's a good thing. You're readying to step out in all the daily choices you make. This is where the commitment is necessary. Trust. Belief that it will all somehow work out. And the daring to go for that.
5D reality is there, all around you. The energy is inwinding itself from the old karmic construct now. But the air is hazy. You have to find the focus and clarity. Otherwise the threads of new consciousness don't wind and bind together. This is where belief comes in. But how can you build belief if you've not fully tested it? You have to be prepared to step out onto the ice and trust that it will support your weight. And if you fall? Climb out and get back up again!
In truth you never fall. If you fail, then 'fail upwards'. What do I mean?
Falling is always an opportunity because it shakes something up inside. We sense failure only because we built our dreams and goals around some physical outcome, something that is separate from what the Universe is wanting to create for you.
What does the Universe want?
More than anything it wants you to be you. And it will spare no resource to deliver that for you, to create the vehicle around you that you may fully express yourself.
BUT - it's not about the vehicle! It's about unleashing the expression of you. Then the vehicle maifests around you. So let go of what you want it to look like and simply create.
Just dare to be you and see what happens!
Manifesting from Higher Consciousness
When I look back on my journey here, yes I've expanded into higher dimensional awareness, and yes I can manifest from 5D consciousness here. It works, enough to support my weight and help those around me. But when I look back at the challenges, it's been constant. I've constantly failed and fallen over, only to pick myself back up again. It took a little while to realise that was the path! And as I look back, I feel a completely different being now than then. It's worth it and it works. What else is there?
5D manifestation will indeed work right here, right now. But there has to be the loyalty to it. You have to invest time and conscious awareness to it on a daily basis. You have to locate those loops of contracting tightness, get inside of them and break them apart - like the worn out jumper, they don't serve you anymore. You have to soften deep into the core of your being, and let the truth well up to animate who you are. Express it, unreservedly out into the world. And the new garment will weave all around you. Magic and miracles abound!
Catching Your Dream
It's here. The huge potential for spiritual mastery is here for you. When reality only gently morphs, the mirrors are not so strong. You can kind of sleep walk forwards. But that option doesn't exist any longer.
So why are you here? Why did you choose to be in this cauldron of profound alchemical change? I assume it's to forge the blade. To submerge your soul in the fires of change. To burn away the dross and smelt your Excalibur -
your sword of truth.
You can do it. You're seeded to do it. But you have to decide...where's the loyalty? Where do I put my consciusness awareness? In what do I trust and dare to dream?
You're so much more than this. Time to have faith, to step out and become it.
In loving support
Open 
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The Journey and daring to step out
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And this Mary Oliver Classic seemed entirely fitting in this thread...
One day you finally knewwhat you had to do, and began,though the voices around youkept shoutingtheir bad advice--though the whole housebegan to trembleand you felt the old tugat your ankles."Mend my life!"each voice cried.But you didn't stop.You knew what you had to do,though the wind priedwith its stiff fingersat the very foundations,though their melancholywas terrible.It was already lateenough, and a wild night,and the road full of fallenbranches and stones.But little by little,as you left their voices behind,the stars began to burnthrough the sheets of clouds,and there was a new voicewhich you slowlyrecognized as your own,that kept you companyas you strode deeper and deeperinto the world,determined to dothe only thing you could do--determined to savethe only life you could save.
Mary Oliver
And the day came when it was more painful to stay in the bud
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It was this day, 29th November, when a near fatal car crash back in 2002, precipitated my embodiment here. Wow, what it's like to be emmersed into the inner layers of density! The mind with all its veils, the emotions skewing aligned feeling, the body distancing from divine connection. It's all beautiful of course, it's all perfect and necessary. I welcome being in incarnation, but from day 1, my soul has yearned for the higher connection - to return home as an embodied experience.
It does take a good dose of courage!
And there came the day
When it was too painful to stay in the bud,
Than to blossom!
Anais Nin
Extremely well said - so true!
What I can say with great pleasure, from the recent Openhand World Tour, is that I AM witnessing you more and more stepping out and revealing your profound gifts.
Yes we are unusual. Yes we are unique. And sometimes your vibration will seem strange in this curious place - an earthbound misfit! But it's only ego that plays it small. Humility has it's place, of course. As does boldness, colourful expression and the simple courage to dare to be you.
So let's not stay stuck in the 3D box. You can break through. You can become you. It just takes a good degree of persistance and patience whilst doing it. So let's seize the day!
Open 
Encouraging soul sovereignty in Conscious Parenting
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It's a powerful sharing indeed Anasatsia - and brave, considering the vast landscape there is here of judgment and limitation that exists around parent child relationships.
Taking care of a child is no doubt very special. And the relationships that grow can be very heartwarming. You can gain and learn a great deal from them - chidren are great 'gurus'! And all too often here, I witness co-depedency is created, often based on fear, not love - fear of "how it will all turn out", "will they be okay in the world?" Often the parent puts the child at the centre of their world, but really, what's at the centre is fear.
What generally gets missed is that children are often evolved souls already - just in a bodymind that needs to be developed. They are ALREADY master creators at a soul level. They also brought their karma with them to process - and who knows exactly what that karma is, but for them to experience? Which could be (a degree) of abandonment - we ALL must come to the One by ourselves. We all must progressively develop soul sovereignty.
I recall wearing the mantel of 'father' for some time, but finding the expectation that was building around particular circumstances becoming unbearable - it risked making me inauthentic in behaviour (or else unconscious which I couldn't allow to happen). And so I said to my 11 year old something like, "I'm now taking off the mantel of 'father', please see me as Open from now on, and treat me as you find me, without expectation". It catalysed a deep karmic process for him lasting several days that took him into the past life karmic rage of abandonment (by a father figure). A lot got projected my way. But I held the space for it. After which he came through it, and embodied a much deeper sense of soul sovereignty. At the age of 11, he found the father figure inside of himself, which is where it should be! A major accomplishment indeed.
As we come to the One within, you'll likely experience progressive levels of abandonment, with corresponding increase in sovereignty. And that's the dynamic I see in conscious parenting too - a progressive allowance of self-determination, a progressive softening of the boundaries of control, to hand over sovereignty. AND, we must also be prepared to allow them their distortions too. So if they're going to eat junk food and take in too much screen time or even venture into drugs, there comes time where we have to allow their own self-determination - the experience of their own shadow so they can work out of it. Why would they have incarnated in such a challenging place if not to experience this too?
So I commend you Anastasia for the inquiry and being brave to express the apparently unpaletable.
I'd say to all working with conscious parenting: to be conscious means not to control, not to wish for them the path you would wish for youself, not to try to remove challenge and suffering. And not to think that 'conscious' means doing all the 'typical conscious stuff' like food for example. 'Conscious' means an inquiry of what is, witnessing and exploring that, whatever 'that' is. So instead, work to express your own self as authentically as possible - and thereby trust, that at the higher levels of consciousness, you will be doing exactly what's called for in order to support the journey of your children.
Thanks so much for sharing!
Open
Being a Mother in Acceptance of Her Higher Path
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Hi everyone,
I'm not sure where to post this, but for some reason I keep being drawn to this thread. It's something about that question in the article at the top "Where is your loyalty?" that keeps pulling me back.
There are some sharings that are easier to write and post than others. This is not one of them. This is one of those that is birthed through many hours of painful labour and contractions, but nonetheless demands to see the light of day no matter how it will be judged or perceived. Funny, just last night I dreamt that I was pregnant, but couldn’t understand how it was possible since I hadn’t been intimate with anyone around the time of the conception…
... ...
Shortly after the Easter retreat in Belgium, I wrote a sharing about one of the main things I took with me from the gathering. It was a deep feeling of purpose that also ended up being the written statement on a personal scroll we each took with us from the retreat.
Being a Mother in Acceptance of Her Higher Path
It’s a very profound and beautiful statement, and as I returned home, I was wondering what exactly it would mean for me - to be a mother in acceptance of her higher path? Well, it only took a few weeks before the first challenge would present itself.
When I got back from Belgium, my 2-year old son was showing clear signs of being affected by my absence, and ever since he has been exhibiting strong signs of separation anxiety from me. I don’t feel guilty about having been gone, but as I am soon due for another lengthy retreat – DIVINICUS, I have felt a lot of tightness about having to leave him again.
To intensify matters even more, a very special gift was offered to me that would test the commitment to my higher path even further. I received an invitation from Open to become a facilitator and join the Facilitator Summer School (as a newcomer), only 3 weeks after Divinicus – An opportunity I not only feel deeply honoured to receive, but also an opportunity that may not be available for quite some time in the future as there are none such (Beginners’) events being planned at the moment. Backed up with synchronicity, this feels like one of those offers my soul simply cannot refuse. But it also means a lot of time away from my son.
It has been quite a process for me, feeling into the right way to approach the situation. On one hand, not wanting to ‘abandon’ my son when he needs me, and on the other, feeling a clear invitation from the Universe to step into a new and what feels like an aligned and magical direction in my life and spiritual evolution. Needless to say, the perceived conflict has been causing me a lot of contraction and anxiety, and after much deliberation I finally just surrendered into asking the Universe the classic Openhand question – “Which is the right way to flow? Show me!”
What came to me was the memory of an old dream that I had many years ago when I was 28 and without children. I always carried a great reluctance towards having kids. Although I was always very good with kids, I never felt fully equipped to be able to provide what they needed as a parent. Not with all the troubles I experienced in my childhood, and how messed up I felt I was. It was a very powerful dream that moved me to the core, and it was my very first meeting with my SON...
I was a lot older and I was with a teenage boy - my son - at his school. My son was 14 years old. He had FAIR hair and BLUE eyes, which surprised me because I have dark hair and dark eyes and I never pictured myself with a blond child. It was also clear in my dream that this was my SECOND child. I didn’t see the first child but It was there in my knowing somehow. What also surprised me was that in my dream I had a deep strong well-established relationship with this boy. I knew him very well. I really had known him and been his mother for 14 years. There was a clear history between us.
I loved him deeply and we were very close. I had always been his closest friend and confidante. I was the one he came to for everything. In this particular scenario, we were at his school because he had wished to speak to another adult about some matter he was having. It was the first time he had asked to confide in someone else apart from me, and I was feeling emotional about it. He looked at me with his steady loving mature eyes and he gracefully said
“Mom, I love you very much but it is time for me to make my own way through life now...”
My heart exploded into a deep paradox of emotions. Feeling the incredible pain of separation, but at the same time that unquestioned unconditional love that just knows it has to let go. If I tried to hold on, then I wouldn’t be acting from that place of unconditional love and it would get distorted and turn into something else. I had to let go, and so I did. We hugged and I knew he still loved me just the same, even though now the nature of our relationship would change.
I woke up from that hug and I cried uncontrollably for a long time. I cried because he was REAL. Because I knew our relationship already existed somehow. And I cried because I deeply missed him.
That was the defining moment for me when I decided it was ok for me to have children. Through that experience I knew I could accept the role as a mother, because I knew I could do the two most important things as a parent - Love with all my heart... and Let go.
My son is the one who awakened me - exactly 14 years later - the same number of years that he was in the dream. After my Awakening, my son appeared in spirit and started guiding me through the beginning of my conscious spiritual journey. We had a lot of profound exchanges as he was preparing me and himself for his coming incarnation and once I mustered up some courage and I dared ask him
“How will I know it’s really You?”
“You will know me through my eyes. They will be Blue!”
And so he arrived - my SECOND child, with FAIR hair, and clear BLUE eyes - and when I looked into them… I knew.
... ...
So how does this old dream relate to the dilemma I’m experiencing today?
I always thought this dream represented a literal future situation that I would find myself in when my son or daughter would become teenagers and require more freedom. Then I would remember the dream and I would know the right approach as a parent. But the Universe and its expressions are so much more ingenious and multidimensional than that.
As I look into my 2-year old’s separation anxiety now, I’m beginning to see something I didn’t notice before. I see my own attachment to the idea of what a mother is supposed to be and my intense fear of letting this go – of changing – not the relationship with my son, but the relationship to myself and the lenses I view myself through. I also see karmic residue that dates all the way back to Sirius. But something else is also becoming visible. There is a gateway and a quantum leap through it. And on the other side, smiling at me, I see the bright wise blue eyes of my 14-year old son telling me…
“Mom, I love you very much but it is time for YOU to make your own way through life now.”
The dream was not about me learning to let go of my children one day when the time would come. I already did that in the dream.
The dream was a gift from my son, letting me know, that when the time came for ME, it was ok for me to let myself go.
How can I show them how to fly, if I never unfold my own wings?
Anastasia
Hi Megha
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Hi Megha,
Such kind words. I feel them. Thank you so much.
I was deep in the ancestral bloodline drama last spring. It was one of the most interesting inquiries I’ve had. Like solving a mystery. A big part of it was activated through my daughter when she turned 4. The age was the key and as I followed that thread, I found that myself, my mother, and even my grandfather all had traumatic events involving separation at the exact age of 4. How weird is that?
Later in the fall, right after my first Openhand event, I regressed back to a very tragic life where our bloodline was reversed. Meaning my mother was my daughter, and my daughter was my mother. When I saw what transpired in that life, many of our challenges in this life suddenly made sense. I really wish you well with your inquiry. I know you’ve had your share of struggles with your brother and mother.
I understand you’re coming to Belgium, right? Well then I’m really looking forward to be sitting in a Circle with you once again 😊❤️
Much love to you,
Anastasia
Dear Anastasia
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Dear Anastasia ,
Your account as your poetry is goose bumpingly real ! I am both awed and envious of your ability to feel. Deep bow to you on your Path. I am currently feeling into childhood and what feels like ancestral karma . And while the feeling of it is deeply unsettling it is but a smidgeon compared to the circumstances you describe. In many ways I am literally ensconsed in very favourable circumstances compared to you and so I commend both your courage and your commitment.
I have felt before ,but haven't voiced how I feel like I have been with you ,Heidi and Jennifer in circle before . I am hoping to see you, in person ,soon !
Until then deep vibrations of appreciation and love and sheer amazement at your unfolding !! Lots of love
Megha
Epic story of the death of small "I" identity
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Hi Anastasia - what an epic story indeed! Thanks so much for sharing it with people here in the community 
I think it describes tremendously well the kinds of things people experience as they approach the death of the ego, the death of the identity.
This stood out for me at the end...
In conclusion, it occurrs to me now, that I’m not really scared I won’t be able to provide my children with all those ‘fine’ things. I’m more scared I won’t be able to unlock that part of me that needs to be unleashed in order for me to be completely comfortable with the path I have chosen. But as the noise of my Shadow now slowly softens, I begin to rest in the fact that I trust my kids didn’t choose Me for all the 3D benefits I could bestow, but rather for the example I may prove to BE as I diligently work to unshackle the soulful VOICE of a SOARING SPIRIT.
Keep going, keep going, keep going! As you soften the shadow further till its demise, the real you, with gifts you never dreamed possible, will emerge like the resplendent dragonfly. But as you learn to fly, do expect it to feel very different. Your wings will be there, but you have to keep feeling for them and above all, trusting that they will carry you. The rest will happen all by itself.
And neither will it be the end of challenging times. But as long as you understand and work with the progressive process of unfolding, emergence and expression, you'll come quickly through once more. Each time you'll integrate more, trust will grow, and life becomes very magical indeed. You'll also find that as sophistication of being settles, you'll be able to bridge into the old 3D world too.
Every reason to keep going!
Keep going!
In reply to Epic story of the death of small "I" identity by Open
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Dear Open,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words of encouragement. “Keep going. Keep going. Keep going!” It’s just what I needed to hear.
I also love the image of the emerging dragonfly and the wings I need to keep feeling for. The truth is I think I have begun sensing them already. It starts as a very deep subtle tingling sensation in my back between my shoulder blades, which then grows into strong bolts of energy that shoot through my arms and up through my head. It literally feels like my body is trying to unfold wings.
In general, I’m experiencing a lot of physical symptoms right now. Some in direct relation to sudden reality shifts. I will be asking you more about those when I have a bit more time to write.
Loved the song by Creed. And did I catch a glimpse of a WHITE WOLF in the video? 😉🐺
Thanks a million 🙏🏻
Love,
Anastasia
Gripping story
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Hi Anastasia,
It was a very gripping story to read. I have observed your experiences can tell the story in a slightly bigger picture, from a.different perspective but contains the threads of what we all are working through. I can relate to the feeling of worthlessness and the feeling of achieved nothing, being a failure and inadequacy which stems from these. I don't know what's my karmic story behind these.
But 2 days ago I saw a powerful dream. In it I'm performing in front of an audience and with every positive feedback im soaring high but after some time I make some mistakes and I suddenly go low with self judgement and judgement of others. I'm having a conversation with my mother and I explains to her, my awareness of these things. She suddenly shape shifts like a character from X men and becomes me. I lose all sense of self then and its darkness. But in the darkness I see some white sprouts slowly emerging. I woke up with the strong message that I can't rely my self worth on her. And I have to take ownership of my stuff. Today I saw myself unconsciously relying on her validation having supposedly failed on something.
Not exactly sure why I feel to post this in reply to your experience. But please do take time to post your experiences like this in the future.
Warm wishes
Vimal 🙏
Precious White Sprouts
In reply to Gripping story by Vimal
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Hi Vimal,
That is indeed a very powerful dream. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about it. I can see the whole thing in front of me. Thank you for sharing it.
The part that strikes me the most is when your mother turns into you and you completely lose your sense of self in the darkness.
To me it speaks of owning your own self-judgment. The point where you see through the disguise of “mother” and begin to see the part of you that your mother’s judgment represents. It’s like you detach the judgment from the people/circumstances around you, throw off the cloak, and suddenly you are looking yourself straight in the eye.
Since we’re on the topic of “Death of the ego”, I can’t help connecting your dream with that theme as well. The complete loss of self (of who you knew yourself to be), and the initial darkness that comes with that complete loss of identity... It’s very similar to what I’m experiencing right now. Maybe that’s why you felt to share it with me.
Last but not least though, the White Sprouts... the precious White Sprouts!
I keep seeing them growing and unfolding and as I bend down to look closer, I see that the darkness they seem to have sprung from is in fact the dark brown soil where their seeds were once planted.
Let them grow, Vimal! Let them grow!
Thank you for your encouragement to keep writing. It means a lot.
Love,
Anastasia
The Confession of a Surrendering Shadow
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Dear friends,
I chose this thread to post this sharing, because it directly relates to the poem I shared above - TURNING POINT. After I released the poem, I really wanted to write back and thank you all for your sweet and encouraging responses, but I literally couldn't. It was as if an invisible hand grabbed my throat from behind and put a muzzle over my mouth. I found myself falling headfirst into the Abyss of Dark Silence where even if I could voice a sound - nobody would hear me.
The story below is what transpired for me in the days right after the "Turning Point"
THE CONFESSION OF A SURRENDERING SHADOW
I stood at my window looking out over the palette of grey shades that stared mercilessly at me. Even the weather nodded in heavy agreement, reflecting back to me all the greyness I carried inside. The mist was so thick it was hard to breathe and I began to feel that old familiar feeling from my past depressions - when I hadn’t just lost the will to speak, but completely lost my will to live.
As I looked out at the 3D landscape I have shaped, pondering my perceived uselessness in this world I suddenly became aware of an energy standing right next to me. It was distinctly familiar. Could it be…? Yes, it was - My very own Shadow - a tight passenger I have sensed so many times but never been able to grasp or distinguish as separate from me.
“Ah, there you are” I said, acknowledging its presence. The Shadow instantly spoke back, in its usual manner, with the same words I have heard so many times thinking they were my own...
- Look! Just look at what you have created! You have achieved nothing!
All your dreams and aspirations have amounted to a grey mass of absolutely NOTHING!
It was referring to my feeling of having failed in the 3D life. Having from an early age built an arsenal of potential achievements that were going to protect me against my own lack of self-worth, I was now watching it all crumble into fragments of grey dust that could not be positioned on any tangible scale of measurement or award shelf.
I was actually a bit surprised to be back in touch with this feeling. I have spent the past few years consciously and willingly surrendering my 3D ambitions one by one and I have felt awesomely OK with that. In fact it felt more like a relief than anything else. That’s when I saw the remaining ‘attachment’. It wasn’t about me. It was about my kids. It was about all the 3D things I wouldn’t be able to provide for my children. Because although I don’t need those things myself anymore, some part of me is still conditioned to believe they need to have it.
Coming from what may be considered a very unstable and dysfunctional background, I actually remember making this resolution with myself - that if I were ever to bring kids into this world, it would only be into the “right” circumstances. The right circumstances being a solid and ‘functional’ family unit, financial security, a nice home, a good supportive community of family and friends, strong values, etc. And I succeeded. I worked really hard, and I achieved ALL of that.
But then I Awakened
And now I see the perfect prison I painted myself into,
and I don’t know how to get out without ripping the canvas of my perfected masterpiece to shreds.
The painting is of course already torn apart. It doesn’t even really exist anymore, but the thing still poking at me is the discomfort of the nagging self-judgment in relation to my kids. Creating this life that I bore them into, and now breaking it all down. Because the way my soul is moving, there will be no more family unit, no house with a garden, no stable unshaken foundation, no unquestionable comfort and security. It is abundantly clear, I will not be able to provide for my children the way I promised myself I would, and that stabs like a knife through my 3D heart...
I turned towards my Shadow, looked it in the eye, and gently said...
-You’re right! I have achieved nothing. Everything I aspired to Be, have, or provide is but dry autumn leaves in the winter wind.
At this moment, from this 3D perspective, I am a complete failure.
How does that make you feel?
My Shadow seemed a bit annoyed at the question at first, but then it softened and answered sincerely
-It makes me feel a LOT of pain.
-I know. It’s painful for me too. Do you think you might want to show me where the pain comes from...?
The Shadow didn’t answer, but it leaned its head on my shoulder in silent acceptance, and for a few minutes we sat like that quietly together, both of us sunken down on the window sill feeling sad and DEFEATED...
From my window, I can see my daughter’s doll house. My 2-year old son - Mr Tornado - had attacked it again and it was a complete War Zone. Miniature furnishings scattered everywhere and tiny little people lying motionless on the ground outside... as if they were dead.
One of the victimised dolls, a male, caught my eyes and held them for a long time. I couldn’t stop looking at him because he looked just like my Soul Brother, who introduced himself to me just recently…Why was he lying there, dead? Suddenly it was as if someone punched me in the stomach and I lost the sense of every solid bone in my body and literally just melted down from the window to the floor, where I lay motionless, just like Him.
I was on a battlefield. I wasn’t dead, but I wished I were. I had completely lost my will to live.
From where I lay I could see my dearest Soul Brother, lying lifeless on the ground a few meters away from me. I couldn’t see the others, but I knew the whole ground around me was filled with dead Soul brothers and sisters. Deaths that I was responsible for.
I had been tasked to LEAD this mission. It wasn’t just any 3D war or battle. It was a Star Soul mission of great significance, and I had not only failed the mission. I had failed all my brothers and sisters as well... AGAIN. My Soul Mate was lying there dead because of me and I could do nothing else but to slowly fall into the somber acceptance of once again having been completely and utterly DEFEATED...
For two days I lay on this battlefield, not wanting to get back up. There didn’t seem to be a point to anything. All this death and destruction. What was it all for?
On the third day though, something surprising happened. As I gazed over the battleground, suddenly everyone lying there jumped to their feet and smiled and laughed, as if I had just witnessed the end of a Shakespearean tragedy and now the curtains were being pulled up revealing elated actors ready to receive their applause.
“Great! Another cosmic joke at my expense!”, I thought. However, the authenticity of the loving and compassionate smiles directed at me was so touching, I couldn’t help seeing the underlying message. That not only was this just another act in the great drama, but also that we each played our part in it. Just like a sole actor, even the lead, isn’t responsible for the entire play. In the same way, I didn’t need to carry the entire burden of our failed mission. In fact, I didn’t really need to carry the burden at all. There was no blame to be distributed. No fingers needing to be pointed. Just a bunch of merry Thespians ready to go have a pint together after a successful and gripping show.
*** ***
Reflections from the 'SHADY' side of the street:
Do I see this theme reflected in my present life? Indeed, I do.
- Being a strong Ray 1, but always avoiding or refusing leadership engagements .
- Not being afraid to take on fierce battles, but only my own and only alone. Never involving or ‘leading’ other people into them, and never wanting to be a part of some greater cause.
- Always feeling a strong resistance towards teaching, guiding, or being in a position where others may look up to me as some kind of provider of knowledge or guidance. The irony being that when I've actually reluctantly agreed to such a task, I've always found myself being quite good at it.
- Often taking a huge responsibility for the ‘whole’ (especially in family related situations), even if other people are equally involved. As if the ultimate responsibility to finding the solution always rests with me.
How might this relate to the situation with my kids right now?
To a great extent, being a parent is about being a guide, a teacher, a leader and a provider of some kind. But what if you’re not comfortable in that role? What if that exact task/challenge scares the bejeezus out of you?
I know guiding my kids through this Shift is not about giving them a beautiful house with a pretty garden and a perfect family to go along with it. But all those things certainly serve as great substitutes when you can’t quite tap into your own strength. When you don’t quite dare to fully rely on your own resources and innate leadership ability. If you haven’t quite succeeded in taking charge of your own life and your own true dreams, how can you lead or guide others there?
In conclusion, it occurrs to me now, that I’m not really scared I won’t be able to provide my children with all those ‘fine’ things. I’m more scared I won’t be able to unlock that part of me that needs to be unleashed in order for me to be completely comfortable with the path I have chosen. But as the noise of my Shadow now slowly softens, I begin to rest in the fact that I trust my kids didn’t choose Me for all the 3D benefits I could bestow, but rather for the example I may prove to BE as I diligently work to unshackle the soulful VOICE of a SOARING SPIRIT.
*** ***
So I take my muzzle off now and finally say what I've wanted to say for so long - Thank you all for your kind comments and continuous generous support and encouragement.
Love,
Anastasia
Enjoy this cool and appropriate song by Laleh - DARK SHADOW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npWnXwjxPLA
Deeply soul stirring poem
Comment
It's a deeply soul-stirring poem Anastasia - thanks for sharing - so moving
Open 
Dear Anastasia <3 -…
Comment
Dear Anastasia <3 - indescribably moving - evoking waves of warmth and recognition. Deep thanks and appreciation. Much love, Jen
TURNING POINT
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Hi Open,
I was so soul-stirred by this article, I started to compose a response right after I read it, several days ago. However, the creative process took over completely and I couldn't stop writing until it all finally landed in this poem. So here is what your writing inspired...
TURNING POINT
I do not want that which isn’t Mine
I do not want that which doesn’t already belong to me
I do not want that which isn’t rightfully given by the hand of the Bestower
Give me not the false promise -
that which professes the light of the Sun
but deserts you with nothing but another empty layer of dried up skin
Give me not the sufficient substitute -
that which digs a grave for the Spark
and leaves a trail of soiled dreams
buried in the bitter aftertaste of tamed resentment
Give me not that which masquerades as a choice
but stripped of its disguise reveals a trap of endless what-ifs and silent regrets
I’ll not have that which is taken, stolen, borrowed, or won
I’ll not have that which demands to be returned, repaid, rewarded or revenged
I’ll not see my own ascent
through the shadow of Another’s fall
The tables are in motion and I Turn with them
I Turn my eyes towards the window
The window of my own house
I open it and let the night breeze gently stroke my cheek
Moonlit faces are shining their grace upon me
I Turn my mind towards my Mother,
my Father, my Sister, my Brother and my Children
The voices in the sky that tirelessly repeat
Don’t give up, You are the bravest one among us
One voice stands out above all others. I close my eyes and follow it out into the darkness...
I Turn my heart to the One who meets me
The One who holds All that I am inside All that He is
The One whose ocean crashes unreservedly into Mine
I lean my head against His Love
until every fort I ever built inside me crumbles
into His accepting lap
I lean my tears against His hands
until every drop of shame dissolves
into His receiving cup
I lean my ear against His lips
until all the noise my struggle makes gives in and merges
into the sound of His tender timeless whisper...
I see You...
I see ALL of You...
I feel no failure
I have no doubt
I see no fault
RISE...
Rise, my Love, and Turn around
See Yourself through my eyes...
Anastasia
Simply beautiful. Thank you…
In reply to TURNING POINT by Anastasia
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Simply beautiful. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable in your sharing.
Big Hugs
Scott
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