dealing with my own energy

Thank you Treebrother! I am happy for you! :-) Odd that I had this issue and struggle in the last week, at least that was when I admitted this to myself. I love living "alone", never felt being alone though, and this feeling just came and I went right into it. I need to find my own security within. I know what you are talking about, in my mind, and working on living it too. :-)

Open: you just hit the nail on the head!! I couldn't believe it when I read what you wrote, because when I wrote the above, I was already in the middle of this horrible feeling of being "lost" and not accepted, not loved and pushed away, complete rejection-feeling. I was aware of that it was in my mind only, because nothing like this actually happened physically, and watched it not knowing what was going on. The energy of it was too much at that point.
My "healers" is music, I play piano and guitar, make paintings, and heal people using music frequencies. So did just that, instinctively. And yes, it is carmic. Very much so. I the last week or so I was numb, could hardly walk, slept a lot, curled up, cried. Feel much better now. :-) And looking back, I know that I only followed my signs that led me to this path of living through this. I am committed to become and live like the true "me", and had some part of me to confront and accept. I recognized that I needed the attention and recognition, and love from others that I did not get from my dad, so I was looking for him, in a way, in a partner, and many other things too, that added the "untruth" to the energy and made it so dense.

So I am working on my abilities that I have that makes people feel better, and I am getting a lot of help from the archangels on that, people just show up whom I can help without me doing anything. My perception is getting stronger and sharper, so no wonder, why I perceive my pain stronger as well. Also, some situations came up yesterday to "test" whether I see this exact point - that I am the one who can only reject myself - and I actually overcame past patterns of falling into self-pity and dependency, and acted differently than I used to. I was actually proud of myself at that point and watched the people involved behaving differently, somewhat perplexed. I also noticed that I was more loving and became more intimate as soon as I did what I really felt I should have.

I am so, so grateful that I found this community :-). Sending you love!! :-)