Forge your Soul

Ahhh, yes! The difference between the drama and the story. I got pretty fed up with the mantra I heard for so long in spiritual circles, "Drop the story. We're all One, so no stories necessary." I wasn't sure why it didn't fit with me, but I knew it was false. At the time, I was immersed in courses around non-duality, and that didn't make any sense to me either. But because I didn't know what else to do, I lulled myself into more denial and hid in a false bubble of love and light along with so many others. All I had to do was "intention" good things to happen and think positive thoughts no matter what shitty stuff the outer mirror reflected (which had nothing whatsoever to do with me!), and all would be well. Disappearing in a light/love bubble and distancing myself from my karmic story and all the feelings it entails is really no different than becoming a zombie, the walking dead. As in, no-one home here, people!

As time went on, I found it harder and harder to relate to all those shiny, happy people with plastic smiles because there was never any cause for tears, don't you know? I read a recent post by a friend whose beloved father just died. She says there's nothing to grieve because there's just love and no pain, just celebration and no sorrow. I felt sad about all her repressed pain.

Finally, in my sojourns, I came across the Openhand community. When I felt into Openhand's philosophy around holding "the tangible intangibility of both oneness and duality" as Trinity says in her "Higher Paradigm" meditation, I immediately felt the truth of it. My story is part of my karmic journey, what I need to experience, feel, and heal until this grand illusion brings me home. And until then, I'll get whatever experiences I need to remember who I truly am: the One Absolute Presence in all experiences, identified with none of them.

I continue to go deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole to let go of all the debris I've accumulated through the eons. What's been challenging for me lately is fully feeling the pain of my story without letting it define who I am, without sticking to it like a fly in a spider's web. I was aware recently of thoughts running through my head that said more or less, "Hey, I'm the innocent VICTIM here who YOU did this to." And so I felt justified in feeling pissed off. Although I really do know better. Such a convenient way to pass the buck on "moi", to pass the buck on taking responsibility for what I create. Oh, well, I'm on to my game, and I've broken the spell, once again. Perhaps I'll bypass the spider's web next time the outer mirror challenges me. But I'm not setting any intentions. I'm still dusting off a bit of "drama queen" residue today. So thank you for this timely reminder, Open.

x Cathy