Imbalance (off kilter)

I don’t think I have every started a topic, but I see lots of brave souls posting on the Openhead site, so here goes….
I have seen a common theme in people’s awaking and soul journey where they say they have felt apart from others around them, not really fitting in. For me I have always felt this way, as though I am present, but slightly off kilter with people around me. It is hard for me to put this into words, but the analogy I can use is square pegs and round holes, but for me it is more an oval peg in a round hole. Nearly there, but not quite.
During the recent Transfiguration I tried to connect from here in the UK and when going into the inner child and teenager this came up for me strongly. When I attended a Transfiguration a few years ago I had a massive realisation. As a young child I was unable to be close to my family or to make friendships. I thought this was their rejection, but the realisation was the issue was in fact due to me. They were frustrated by the inability to understand me, and my inability to communicate clearly.
Although I function well enough in society and now have a great relationship with my family,and friends, it is something I accept as my ‘thing’. My mother told me that when I was about fourteen it was if I became a different person overnight and there was a shift where I was able to socialise more than when I was younger. As an adult I went through my thirties before I could face being in a social situation on my own without feeling excruciating fear of not knowing what to say. This was unseen by those around me, but inside it was so difficult.
I still have this imbalance, and I still find my inability to communicate emotionally is still there, and has been noticeable on the Openhand courses I have attended, where despite massive shifts spiritually, and gaining massive insites, I still struggle to express myself. I see marvellous sharing’s by others on the courses, and on the web site, but my words seem almost there, but not quite and land flat. These are observations, and I am okay with it, although I would love to be able break through whatever barrier stops me.
Openhand enabled me to peel of numerous layers, for which I am so grateful, and I strive to find self realisation, however slow that process is. I guess I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this, or might have some thoughts on why people can be so closed down in relation to others?
I will continue on my journey, and what it does mean is I get great joy when there is a glimmer of light, or when a realisation lands, and another layer peels away. Mark