Seeking answers for a lifetime of spiritual experiences

I left something out in my recounting of Part III.

By the time I had reached college, I had spent years studying metaphysical abilities(mental, spiritual, etc.). When I had tried everything to get rid of the entity in my room--I performed one last-ditch effort:

I renounced and mentally shut off all of the abilities I had taught myself over the years. When I did that--the creature left me alone. The very moment I did that, I felt as if I ripped a part of my very soul out of my body. I wish I could explain how devastating and painful it felt. All of the things I could see, feel and do--I had lost forever. The moment I made that choice, I knew that I somehow could never go back.

Over the years I have tried to reconnect with the awareness and abilities I had before--all to no avail.

There was one door that was left open for me that I discovered two years later. I had started taking Tae Kwon Do, and was heavily meditating(1.5-3 hrs) every single day. While I no longer had access to the mental/perceptual side of the spiritual abilities I once had, I found that I had developed very strong physical capabilities.

I learned to use my energy to enhance my physical capabilities beyond my normal physical limits--but something wasn't right. I was only able to tap into--and use--this energy through the use of my emotions of rage and anger. When I meditated, I used images of scenarios that would cause me pain/anger and use those emotions to fuel my newfound strength.

I started to become very brooding and developed very hostile views towards humanity. I saw humanity as a virus; one that needed to be controlled or extinguished. I thought about all the things I could do with my quickly developing skills/strength.

As I was sitting in class one morning, I drifted off to sleep as my professor was talking. The moment my eyes closed, I was filled with a force and power that I had never experienced before. At that moment I knew NOTHING was beyond my limits. Whatever I wanted to achieve in life was now within my grasp!

I immediately began to fear this strength and the monster I was becoming and swore to myself that I would never seek power through methods like that ever again. And thus, the final door to the spiritual closed before me. Sadly, I still stand by my choice as I still don't know what caused the sudden change in me. I was(and still am) positive that I was going down an extremely dark road.

Since college I have felt...incomplete...for lack of a better word. Having seemingly lost all connections to the spiritual, I have turned my focus to science and mathematics in an attempt to at least try to live out a decent and fulfilling life. It's hard because throughout my entire life, I have always felt that the world we live in is...wrong! That our focus on science, which has made life more convenient in many regards, is not the life we were meant to live. I have always felt that I live in two worlds: one natural and always out of my reach, and one unnatural that I am forced to exist in.

There are many things that I have seen, experienced and done in my life that I have never told anyone outside of one person because of how crazy and outlandish it all seems. There were many times when I had even questioned my own sanity. But the things that I have experienced--sometimes with people around me--let me know that it's not just all in my head.

I guess I will wait for the new version of the 5GATEWAYS to be released--unless you strongly feel I should get the current version now.

Thank you for your response. I will spend some time reading up on the info in this website. I hope that I will find something that will aid me in getting back on the right path.

Best Regards,
Lawrence

I apologize for making a fourth section. I originally was going to include this in Part III, but this experience is so unique that I had to give it its own section.

Around twelve years ago, I started having a strange occurrence in my dreams. While dreaming, I would occasionally run into something that would always seek me out. Something that the other dream people would run away from, or be destroyed by. The strange part was, it was always THE SAME BEING!

No matter where I was in my dream. No matter what my dream was about. No matter what era in time it took place, that same entity would find me. After a while, I got to the point where I could feel it before it would even show up. My dream people would even ask me what's wrong, because I would start looking around for it.

Even stranger was that in the moments I met up with this being, I would be more rational and coherent than at any other point in my dreams. I would even be fully aware of the fact that I'm in a dream. The problem is, to get away, I would have to wake myself up before this thing managed to lock me in a room(which it very often managed to do). Once the room was locked, there was no chance of me waking myself up...

...we would fight...

...I would lose...every...single...time!

Our fights would include different weapons, different abilities, different powers, but I would always lose. However, before it was ever able to "finish" the fight, I would start calling for help and praying to ANYTHING to save me--and I would wake up.

This entity pursued me for years, the last incident being a year ago. Two nights ago, in my dream, I was talking to someone and suddenly, all the dream people turned at stared at me. In unison! They didn't say anything. They didn't move. They didn't blink.

I knew then...it's a precursor. My visitor is making a return trip.

This concludes the main story that I wanted to share with everyone to see what you all think. I discovered this site while researching OOBEs. After reading a few posts, I felt compelled, for the first time in my life, to share my experiences.

Any knowledge, advice or info would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for your time.
Lawrence

From the time I was a little child, I had the ability to see entities that other people could not see. I used to be tormented by them as the ones that really made their presence known were usually negative entities.

Over time, I learned how to control my extra senses--to a degree. I learned how to read people's thoughts/intentions based on what I could feel from them. I even learned to identify the presence of people close to me before they were in eyesight/hearing range. For some reason, my family always ended up in a house where a previous occupant had died; or we ended up near a cemetery. Once, my family ended up on a housing complex built on top of Native American burial land--NOT fun! Let's just say I hated the first Poltergeist movie because aspects of it hit too close to home for me.

Years and experiences go by until I finally end up going to college. At first things were great. I was finally free!

Then one morning, I felt a presence watching me as I was walking to class. I couldn't see it, but I could sense precisely where it was and look in it's direction. I couldn't sense anything from it(at first), but something about it made me uncomfortable.

Over time, it kept watching me--and I tried to ignore it. As I sat in my room, I could feel it get closer and closer over time. As it started "nesting" closer to my room, I could feel a hostility and violence from it like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I was also able to physically see it in better clarity as it worked its way closer...even in broad daylight!

I sought help from my mother--who then reached out to her mother and sisters for advice. I tried keeping and reading a bible in my room. I also tried a few Native American techniques from my grandmother. For a few nights, I thought it was gone...

...I was wrong.

After about two months, it had finally worked it's way up to hovering just outside my bedroom window at night. Those nights I slept very little. The thing radiated a sense of savagery, violence and pure chaos! Finally one night, I woke up in an absolute panic...

...the thing was IN my room!

So startled awake was I that instantly jumped out of bed and ran to the door(before I even had time to process what was happening). This happened every night for a few weeks. At this point, I would just jump out of bed in a fighting stance, prepared for whatever this thing was going to try and do.

Inexplicably, it one day went away. Over the course of less than a week, it worked it's way out of my room and disappeared.

I never encountered it again...

...but I never forgot it!

Over the years, I have repeatedly read "people can't dream in color", or "people forget most of their dreams".

Neither scenario applies to me.

I seem to be completely backward because every dream I have ever had was in color. Only one dream was in black and white. However, anything that was green in real life(leaves, grass, money, etc.) was vividly green in that dream. It was a "night of the living dead" spoof. Trust me, I was laughing in that dream.

I also seem to remember almost all of my dreams...

...and almost all of them are pre-, post- or current apocalyptic dreams.

Through all the years. Through all the dreams. The world has never "died"--or been destroyed--the same way twice. The dreams are sporadic. On two rare occasions, I even went a few years without having one of them. Eventually, they always come back.

I actually had one today, for the first time in a few years, as I was taking a nap earlier.

In all the dreams, I'm always one of the last survivors(and in a few cases, the ONLY survivor).

I could never figure out why I keep having these kinds of dreams.