Skytom,

Thank you for raising this topic on responsibility vis a vis family members. Open, I resonate strongly with your comments around finding the correct boundary in each situation. It's been my experience that my close, emotive, family connections challenge me the most in maximizing my opportunities for spiritual growth. And oh how easy it is for disrespect and dishonour to creep in as we turn a blind eye to what's going on. The Grays feast on distorted family dynamics. I'm really feeling them moving in on my vulnerabilities and insecurities these days.

When I was much younger, I was involved with a group whose spiritual mantra was: "Mind your own spiritual business." I recall taking a stand around that time in my workplace where the company owner wanted to use my work to compromise the just treatment of my client. I refused to allow that and took a strong stand. In return I was fired and paid a stiff penalty with all that led to, financial instability included. I was told at the time by someone in my spiritual group that I should have minded my own spiritual business. Another way of saying to just accept that anything goes.

So when do we accept the path of a loved one and when do we speak up to help catalyze a shift? I'm in a mess of anguish these days over finding the right balance. I have a peace-loving precious one who dislikes any discord or confrontation. He has a heart full of love, compassion, and kindness. But I can see how easily he can be taken advantage of. A person close to his partner is clever at masking manipulation and control behind a shiny, happy, social face that promises love. Some of her actions towards others in her life have been blatantly cruel. She gives love when others succumb to her control and withdraws it when she can't control. So recently I intuited the manipulation behind the surface gestures of love towards my precious one that hit me like a ton of bricks since it was meant to send a message to me, as well i.e. I'm the chosen one in charge here. Never tell a Mother Bear that. I could see through the tactics and felt much heartache about what the future might hold for my loved one. At first I decided to stay silent so as not to 'stir' things up. But I felt literally torn in two about this. So I chose to express my feelings and perceptions. There's no doubt that I could have used more of the Ray 4 when I did so. I've beat myself up enough already for that. My loved one was not receptive although he said he was not discounting my feelings. Just that he disagreed with my take on the situation and told me he would prefer I remain silent since it causes him anxiety when I question the benevolent behaviour of others in his life.

So then I got into questioning my motives. Am I being authentic? Distorted? When all is said and done, I feel I'm coming from a place of love although I confess I was pissed at the manipulation. I have decided it's important to honour the energy I intuit and speak up when I feel the well-being of a family member is ultimately being compromised. Of course, I have no control of the outcomes after I do so. And the risk is I may 'lose' my loved ones in the process. My partner told me to mind my own business, for example. That said, I got a lovely feedback loop from my precious one when he agreed happily to spend more fun, enjoyable one-on-one time together apart from others close to him.

It's tricky fine-tuning the right balance between respecting another's soul journey and expressing when it feels right to do so, not accepting that anything goes, and finding the correct boundary in the situation. It's far easier to mind my own spiritual business.

I'm aware I could have done better, and I'm continuing to let go of self-judgment about that. Tuning into the wisdom and energy of this quote by Maya Angelou helps to soothe my soul.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

This is a timely topic for me. Thank you for the discussion. I'm open to any insights others care to offer about challenging situations such as these.

x Cathy