Since I was old enough to recognize the formation of words I have been a "seeker". I honestly had forgotten that at some point I would "find". How simple it all is. The amount of trauma that I have experienced in my life is unfathomable. I have always had this amazing ability to get to forgiveness and acceptance. This last trauma, however, involved my children and it has been the largest struggle of my life. This has truly shaken my very foundation. After having survived childhood molestation, gang rape, cancer (3 times), domestic violence at the hands of my spouse and, ultimately, seeing it happen to my children...escaping the situation only to be forced to give all the power to the man that abused us because of his money and influence convincing a judge that I kidnapped my own children...I almost lost the profound, optimistic, enormous and monolithic faith that I have and what has evolved and become an eclectic collection of what I currently believe to be true. Since I teach yoga and meditation I was forced to continue my practice even when it did not hold truth for me and actually caused me pain, because I felt that I was being inauthentic. I realized that the Universe wanted me to continue the practice, even if it was not feeling real for me, because those that I teach have their own need and their own experience to have with what they are given and how they see it through their soul's purpose. I continued day after day, month after month, feeling such a heaviness in my heart about my children being apart from me (at the very young ages of 3 and 5) and being with an abusive person whom only has them to hurt me and has failed to even teach them "please and thank you". Whenever they visit my heart is full, their safety makes me feel calm and I am at peace. When they go back all of the agony returns. I continued the practice. Several days ago I came upon this web site, completely by accident, when I was examining the word "Catalyst" for the grant I am writing to obtain funds to provide holistic services to offenders whom are entering back into their communities through Work Release. These people have made vast mistakes, paid for their crime(s) and are truly looking to change their lives and become a productive "changed" member of society, which makes this something that benefits EVERYONE. I want to call our practitioners, teachers, peer groups, counselors (everyone whom helps them change) catalysts. That word brought me to an article, which brought me here and...woah. Every single thing that I already believe in and practice(d) was culminated here. Yesterday I taught my classes outside and felt the change happen for me. I had no expectations of it and it came as a complete surprise. I felt the sun on my skin, I felt the Universe fill my soul, I felt the words I had read on these Open Hand(ed) pages and I felt that Universal Oneness from which I had become separated. It flooded through me and created the most gigantic goose bumps on my skin and tingled up my spine and almost became painful in my third eye. Everyone in my class felt it happen too and our final "Namaste" was so powerful. Thank you SOOOOO MUCH! From the depths of my eternal soul! I now remember that the pain IS an illusion and I am reminded that we are all one mind, capable of all imagined and all conceivable. So, with that said, from the words of my favorite musical artist (the one who helped me purge my anger when I walked through and experienced the traumas that I mentioned above and the band that was nothing like my "peaceful" and "pacifistic" self, yet evolved right by my side over the years of my trauma pre selected as my karmic path) Tool:

"Parabola"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment